To be annoyed at my DM still treating me like a teenager?

[RoseLillian]

DM sent me a birthday card along the lines of a daughter who brings happiness where ever she goes, mess too, but happiness as well. Ok the sentiment is sweet, but I am in my late 30’s, married and a mother of 2 and I am actually quite a tidy person. I admit I was quite messy in my teens and probably into my 20’s, but a lot of people are. I grew out of it. I was also on the phone to her the other day and mentioned we had someone round taking photos of the house as we are putting it on the market. She said ‘well I hope the house was tidy’. Does she think we are stupid? I wouldn’t mind, but she has never been round our house and it not be tidy. The other thing she likes to comment on is me taking ages to get ready. Again I did as a teenager, but it is something I grew out of around 20 years ago. Certainly as a mother to young children, I don’t get time to spend on myself.

Is it something I should just accept? Are all Mums like this? Certainly not worth an argument, but it bugs me.

As I say Gotta more by luck than judgement.

The fact that someone's child/ren survived to adulthood doesn't prove that they are parenting gurus who should be trusted implicitly with their grandchildren...

My mum does this a lot, often as a dig when she feels put out that I’m a fully capable adult who can do things that she can’t/won’t.

For example I was trying to find my keys the other day and she still sees me as a forgetful and feckless child. It was all ‘see for all that you’re organised you can’t find your keys...’ said as she sat on the couch while I tried to maintain simultaneous conversations with her and my two DDs and organise a shopping bag while struggling with a v painful back.

It’s often little comments or questions about my parenting, like she can’t believe or trust that I can be a parent. But then again keeps eluding to when I sort out her sheltered housing or take over her house.

Sometimes I want to shout, “look one minute you’re acting like you can’t wait for me to be wiping your arse, yet don’t trust me to look after my own children.Please decide how you feel about me!!”

Rose lots of mums have done that!

As I say Gotta more by luck than judgement.The fact that someone's child/ren survived to adulthood doesn't prove that they are parenting gurus who should be trusted implicitly with their grandchildren

Meh,.... kids are resilient. Take a risk...
(Comment is a joke....as was my last one which prompted your response, above)

My parents definitely fit into this category!

I'm sure deep down they mean well but it does drive me crackers. Unfortunately they do it in such a patronising way, which I don't find endearing, it just annoys me and pushes me away!!

The funniest thing is I was talking to my Mum years ago about what happened between my aunt and grandmother ( my aunt estranged herself in her 20's and then later died having only just reconciled ) and my Mum said it was because my DGM was over bearing, trying to tell my aunt how to live etc. So my Mum swore to me she'd never be like that

It doesn't help that I have anxiety issues and am naturally an introverted character so really struggle with all of it as i cant help but take it to heart.

My mum doesn't do this so much but PILs are horrendous for it. Drives DW absolutely round the twist.
We are both in our mid-30s with 6 degrees between us, full-time careers, a child, able to manage our own finances etc but FIL will still express astonishment that DW no longer wants to sleep all day at the weekend or that she is capable of cooking a fish pie.
He is also always trying to tell us what is/isn't a waste of money. He was quite shocked when he found out what we earn by accident (it's not a huge amount I hasten to add - we're lucky to be comfortable, but this isn't a wealth boast), but it had never occurred to him that a pair of "girls" might earn more money than him 

A few years ago, my Mum drew my attention to sheep in a field. I was 35

Oh that's so cute, Allthegood.
Its just reminded me of a letter I read in a magazine years ago. Where a women was on a bus going past a field full of cows,anyway. Her little one had not long started school and wAS always with her, so obviously forgetting she was on her own. She points out of the window and says "look at all the moo cows"

Mine does the same and I can’t stand it, I’m 50 and she has been treating me like a child for years ( also undermining me, putting me down, humiliating me) I have gone low contact with her in the last year because I really can’t take anymore of it and it is having a huge impact on my life and stress levels, I am no in control of when we speak and see her, I have taken every last bit of control ( over me ) that she thought she has as she was abusing it

Do they do it on purpose to wind us up ?!?…..

I moved out at 21, my DM never attempted to dictate how I should live, so sure was she that she had done her job properly in bringing me up, so I needed no further guidance!
I did the same with my DC, one of whom is now living with their partner, the other still lives at home.
I cook dinner most of the time, but apart from that, my DH and DD take care of the washing and tidying, and we have a cleaner.
OP should gently remind her DM that she seems to have forgotten what a good job she made of teaching her daughter the right way of going about life - and ask why she thinks her parenting wasn’t enough that she feels compelled to harp on about some of the childish traits that she used to display - as a child!