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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be a little annoyed with my friends?

91 replies

NightOwl10 · 21/10/2018 20:48

I'd arranged to go out with my friends a couple of days ago for my birthday. It was a pretty low key thing, I've just gotten over a bad cold so we were just going to do the Halloween escape room, and I was really excited because I had to move up to Scotland to be closer to DPs family instead of in London where my whole life used to be so I this would be the first time I've seen them or been back to London in almost 6 months.

Anyway, the two friends I was going out with turned up to the escape room drunk even though I'd begged them not to drink since we wouldn't be allowed it. And of course, we weren't allowed in. So they said since they'd been pre-drinking already they wanted to do a bar crawl and then go to a night club. I agreed to it and I tried to be optimistic, but we'd spoken about not having a drinking night out and they'd all said they felt too old for that now anyway.
So, at the bar, every drink I bought for myself they took away and drank for themselves because they said I was a lightweight at uni and they didn't want to have to look after me, even though 1) that was 2 years ago now and 2) I was always the one looking after them. I told them I really didn't want a drinking night out still but i'd also come all that way (10hr drive) and I wanted to catch up with my friends. They kept saying I was boring and that they wanted a night out so they were having one, but they kept taking my drinks so I remained sober the entire night. One of them tried to buy MD so I told them no, it's not safe, not legal and since they insisted and it was 3am at that point and I had to drive to the other side of london to see my parents later that day I decided to go back to the hotel alone. I know it's immature of me to be upset they didn't even acknowledge my birthday, but I just feel like it's been months and I arranged to drive all the way down, left dd in Edinburgh, and I was so excited to do a fun activity and we could have gone out for a little bit after, but we didn't even get to do the escape room because they turned up in an absolute state.

OP posts:

FreshEyre · 21/10/2018 22:27

I would leave the group chat with no explanation.

If they contact you privately to ask why you left you can decide what response you give, if any.

Focus on getting to know some people in Edinburgh, enjoying your new life and making your own group of much nicer friends.

Stressy3215 · 21/10/2018 22:34

I’m so sorry but they don’t sound like great friends at all. I would concentrate on making friends based in Edinburgh now, if you’re at home with the little one you could join a mum and baby group or go on meetup and see if anyone’s doing an escape room there, or anything else that takes your fancy

zzzzz · 21/10/2018 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ohyesiam · 21/10/2018 22:38

Op I’m so sorry this happened to you. You have been treated so badly.
These people are not friends, friends have your back and see your needs and are kind to you.
I’d be livid, and really really upset. They are showing you no respect, and are quite bullying.

I think you need to deal with the trauma of the bullying at uni, then you could make new( better) friends.
Look into some counselling.
So sorry this happened to you, please invest in yourself and your future can be different x

Fuckedoffat48b · 21/10/2018 22:39

You have every right to be incredibly disappointed and angry, but I would stop considering these people friends. You never have to see them again, and shouldn't.

Thatstheendofmytether · 21/10/2018 22:45

Well OP from what you describe here these woman are bullying you now. What adult woman takes another woman's drinks off them all night, calls them names and ruins their birthday? They are not friends. I wpuld honestly tell them your not interested in meeting up again because they are selfish twats. You don't need to see them again, you love miles away. You will make new friends.

DreamsofJacaranda · 21/10/2018 22:47

They aren’t friends, and they sound extremely selfish and immature.

If I were you, I would cancel the holiday. If they couldn’t make an effort to behave decently for one evening on your birthday, what will they be like on holiday? Would you really want your child to be around such people?

Sundance2741 · 21/10/2018 22:48

You're still being bullied from the sound of it. Don't expose your dd to them. Get counselling if you're worried about making new friends. You can and will with the right approach and maybe you need help to find out what that is.

FishesThatFly · 21/10/2018 22:51

I have a feeling that if you go on that holiday, you'll be staying in with the kids whilst they party.... and looking after them whilst they sleep off the hangover

Antigon · 21/10/2018 22:57

definitely don't go on the holday with them! Try and see if you can get it changed to a holiday for you and your dd.

dreamyflower · 21/10/2018 22:58

They sound like utter twats. Don't go on that holiday! You will be used as s babysitter for her son. Happy birthday to you OP. Try to move on. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

agirlhasnonameX · 21/10/2018 22:58

I know it's hard OP but you're better off without them IMO. They sound really immature and so thoughtless when it was your birthday AND you had driven all that way.
I live in Edinburgh, barely drink and also have confidence issues. We should go to escape room

Maelstrop · 21/10/2018 23:01

Hard as anything and you don’t want to lose your friends, however, you have clearly moved on and are far more mature than them. I’d leave a stinking fucking message on the group chat and block the lot 9f them. What nobs, ruining your birthday like that. Inconsiderate bitches.

nordicwannabe · 21/10/2018 23:05

Don't go on the holiday. Seriously. You would not only be modelling toxic relationships to your daughter, you would also be exposing her to people with drinking and drug problems.

Why would you do that?

You have a new start: new home, perhaps a DP (since you say you moved for him), a daughter. You have so much! Enjoy your family and let go of the past.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 21/10/2018 23:09

Belated "Happy Birthday"
Edinburgh's a fantastic place - so much to see & do.
As previous posters have stated - these two are not your friends. Stop all forms of contact. You'll make new friends in Edinburgh - yes you will!
The holiday = nope.
If you check websites, I'm sure there will be things to do for Halloween in Edinburgh - make up for the non-event. Saint Mary's Close? Ghost Tours?

dangerrabbit · 21/10/2018 23:10

I wouldn’t go on this holiday OP. I wouldn’t confront them about their behaviour either just mute the group chat nd get on with my life. Maybe some of these people will grow up in the future if you have thought of them as good friends in the past and you can leave the door open if you wanted to be in touch with them in 5 years time. As others have said focus on making new friends local to your area.

Lalliella · 21/10/2018 23:12

OP you sound lovely and it seems like you have just not met the right sort of people to be friends with yet. So sorry you were bullied at uni and now have these vile women as “friends”. You really need to ditch the bitches and find nice people, I’m sure there are plenty in Edinburgh, for example agirlhasnonameX above. Please don’t go on that holiday, it will just hurt your self-esteem more if they carry on with their selfish behaviour. They are toxic. Get rid. for you

penisbeakers · 21/10/2018 23:13

These people are not your friends, and please don't go on holiday with them. It will only be a repeat of this if not worse, and you will be away from home with a bunch of cunts.

bowdownbeforelokitty · 21/10/2018 23:15

OP you hadn't seen them for six months and they wanted to spend your time together blitzed on drugs and alcohol, and not only that they resented you trying to eek some enjoyment yourself in case they had to "take care of you. They are not your friends. They are people you used to socialise with. The 6 months apart has taken your blinkers off, and your now seeing how self-centred they have probably always been. Concentrate on making new friends in Edinburgh.

FaithInfinity · 21/10/2018 23:17

What’s the holiday set up? Are you booked to stay together? Guaranteed that there will be more of this behaviour on holiday if you’re all together.

Honestly, take it from someone who is happy to be past this life stage (happily late 30s now), only people dependent on alcohol to have a good time call people who don’t drink ‘boring’. I realised this when I stopped drinking. It makes them uncomfortable because it highlights their issues. You don’t have to have a big showdown with them but I do think for your own sake that you should walk away. You’re about to have a fresh start, Edinburgh is awesome! Good luck to you.

Bubba1234 · 21/10/2018 23:20

That’s rotten of them. Your eyes are open now.
Leave the group chat and concentrate on finding new nice people xx

DasPepe · 21/10/2018 23:22

Don’t go on holiday and drop them.

But do say something otherwise that’s the bit that will eat at you for a long time.

And feel free to do it in a group chat.
They wasted your time, money and effort. And did not even acknowledge they did anything wrong. Don’t be afraid of calling them out on childish behavior for being unable to stay sober for a few hours, ruining someone’s night and trying to score drugs.

Bubba1234 · 21/10/2018 23:23

Good point faith
I have a group I dip in and out of but I rarely meet them because they don’t let you drink your drink in peace they just keep saying ‘you don’t drink ‘
When you are literally sitting there drinking just cos I don’t get myself into states on nights out it just puts me off meeting them.

Feefeetrixabelle · 21/10/2018 23:32

Ditch them like they ditched you.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 21/10/2018 23:32

I'm back!
For Halloween - Ghost Bus Tour. Edinburgh Dungeon. Escape Edinburgh (also in Falkirk and Glasgow). Haunted Late Night Walking Tour Mary Kings Tour Frankenstein Gastro pub *Edinburgh Horror Festival.

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