to worry about whether to do attachment parenting or not?

[pouraglasshalffull]

I am due in March. My friends have recommended it to me and they say how great it is. They admit its hard work as baby constantly wants mum as opposed to anyone else, but they say its so rewarding and their babies are developing in leaps and bounds and are very happy babies

However, I have heard conflicting arguments that attachment parenting can often lead to spoilt and demanding children, and can be really hard and unnecessarily stressful on the mother

I will have to return to work after a year on mat leave, I have a high responsibility role at a secondary school which I love, so quitting is not an option for me, and I am worrying that this style of parenting may make it really hard on baby to adjust to life without me being there constantly

Thanks in advance for advice

We don't really ap, just wing it and go with what works. And 2.5 year old ds still only wants mum 99% of the time

Nope. Not for me. Seems very misogynistic - all the pressure on the mums. I think it can be detrimental to your relationship with DP/H too.

I think baby will decide what parenting they want no point stressing over things like that before they are born go with the flow and do what feels right when the baby arrives

AP isn't necessary to produce happy, healthy children with secure attachments.

You will end up naturally doing what works for you so dont fret it until reality is here.

Pre-parent parenting views tend to change once you have a child

Just do what feels right and makes life easier. I'm desperately lazy so keeping baby content with boobs, babywearing, baby led weaning and cosleeping meant I emerged relatively unscathed and now 6 and 3 years on, they couldn't give a fig about me leaving them at school/playgroup etc. Some people will be evangelical about their way of parenting, and you'll get those at the other end of the scale too, but you'll soon learn to smile, not and do what works for you!

*nod, not not

I’d barely paid attention to the term attachement parenting before dd - wish I had since dd was a full believer in it apparently

You don’t have to subscribe to any one particular method, you pick and choose a mish mash of what works rather than desperately trying to fit your baby into whatever mould you think is best. Oh and attachement parenting is something most parents do naturally in truth - baby cries you hold them....

FWIW my clingy baby (after a slightly rocky start in childcare when I went back to work part time) is a sociable older toddler now so it all works out okay whatever you do. She’s still my biggest fan mind —and yet to get out of my bed—

Re separation anxiety I think it affects all children and some have it worse than others regardless of parenting style.

I wouldn’t put yourself under pressure to parent a certain way before you have had the baby. When baby is here you will get a sense of what feels right for you and follow your child’s lead and your instincts. What works for one mum doesn’t necessarily work for the next. Most of us are just feeling our way through somewhere in the grey between AP and Gina Ford!

Learn to smile and nod at your friends advice, then just do you’re own thing.

You don't need to worry about it just love your child and parent them the way it suits both parents and the child as individuals. Some aspects of the way we raise DS could be classed as attachment parenting and some definitely not.

I'm desperately lazy amen to that! Some of these small dictators come out with a surprising stamina for stubbornness!

In the nicest possible way all that you plan for parenting wise during pregnancy may immediately go out of the window after birth. I would just casually and quietly observe how your friends do things then do what feels right for your little family once your baby is here. Even then I think it's far from a case of picking a camp, different things work for different families and no two children are ever the same, even in the same family. Enjoy your pregnancy as best you can and try not to get too involved in the whole picky your tribe thing.

Oh god don’t do anything that “brands” itself, there is no clearer sign it’s a pile of wank. Besides, the evidence behind it is crap.

Stop giving everything labels!

Do what works for you.

If co-sleeping is easier - do it
If breastfeeding is what you want - do it
If you and/or your baby is happier if they're in a sling some of the time - do it
If your husband wants to be involved - let (make) him
If your DM/MiL wants to help (on your terms) bite their hands off!

And so on and so forth...

IME the most important thing is that you respond to what each of what your children needs.

My first loved a Gina Ford routine and was very independent.

My next one threw me for a loop by wanting to be permanently attached.

By the time I had my third I'd learnt that it's not about what you think is right as a parent. It's about what your child needs.

And of course, there's your needs too - you don't stop mattering and having needs just because you're a parent.

It’s like anything with parenting - Do the bits that work for you and not the bits that don’t!

I’ve just done a quick google and discovered there are “7 B’s” of attachment parenting.

Birth bonding - didn’t do this with my first - was too busy haemorrhaging but did a bit with my second. I just called it a lovely cuddle though!

Breastfeeding. Yep - extended fed both.

Baby wearing. Nope. Didn’t know it existed with my first. Never got round to it with my second. Might if I had a third.

Bedding close to mother. Sometimes did, sometimes didn’t. Whatever got us the most sleep really.

Baby cry as communication. Well duh!

Beware of sleep training. Didn’t really sleep train. Tried a little on dd and totally failed because —fucking— dh didn’t read the one —fucking— passage of the book. Not sure it does terrible damage to the baby but it definitely did damage to my marriage. (Eight years on - not totally over it!)

Balance. Again - well duh. If you are feeding, get him to make lunch.

I'm always wary of the evangelical, being of the view that one size doesn't fit all. AP suits a certain type of person, a certain type of family. And if you are doubting this way for yourself it is probably not for you.

Agree with a pp that your baby will let you know what works for them, so don't decide that you're going to tie yourself to a particular parenting philosophy or set of practices before the baby is even here!

Personally, I made DD (and myself) bloody miserable for the first six weeks because I was so wedded to the idea that all little babies need to be held constantly round the clock by their mothers. Eventually, I put her down on a playmat in absolute despair, and blissful silence ensued. Turned out all she wanted was her own space once in a while and some interesting patterns to stare at. All babies are different!

You don’t have to give it a name. See how you go and what suits you and your baby. DC1 was a Velcro child. DC 2 totally different.

By all means take inspiration from attachment parents but I don't see why you have to be all or nothing. I'd suggest just do what comes naturally to you rather than potentially forcing yourself to do a style of parenting that may not work for you or your OH which could then be quite stressful.

There's some things which seem to be important to AP that I liked such as ebf and Co sleeping but other things I hated like using a sling and baby led weaning. I find methods like montessori and AP interesting but I'd never in a million years describe myself as an AP.

My Sil describes herself as an AP, and whilst her babies were happy, I wouldn't describe her dcs as happy children. In fact they're often not that pleasant to be around.

Just do what feels natural. I didnt know there was typea of parenting yet somehow what came instinctively turned out to be attachment. Dont fret too much you will simply find a flow

I would just do what works for you. It's personal preference. We didn't do it, I breastfed and found that to be enough of a commitment to be honest. We've never bed shared, didn't baby wear etc. We now have a happy, well adjusted toddler who is a very good sleeper!

Children don't develop attachment disorders without persistent, serious neglect of their emotional needs. Stop worrying and just do what feels right.

I'd also avoid getting too hung up on adherence to a set of "processes". Slings and carriers are fantastic tools but a baby in a sling isn't automatically getting better quality parent-child interaction than a baby in a pram. I've seen bored-looking babies in slings being lugged around like sacks of potatoes whilst their parents were glued to their phones, and babies in prams being showered with constant smiles and chatter. And vice versa, of course. Most of the sensible AP parents I've met have stressed the importance of being responsive over following a "checklist" of accepted AP practices.

(But also be kind to yourself! Nobody can be a 110 percent parent 24/7. Babies are exhausting and it's fine to need downtime!!!!)

Do what feels natural to you when baby is here. When I was pregnant I thought I had figured out exactly how I wanted to parent my child. That went out the window when she was born.

Don't confine yourself to a box, parent how you feel is right. You don't need to parent in a way that follows a particular style