to worry about whether to do attachment parenting or not?

[pouraglasshalffull]

I am due in March. My friends have recommended it to me and they say how great it is. They admit its hard work as baby constantly wants mum as opposed to anyone else, but they say its so rewarding and their babies are developing in leaps and bounds and are very happy babies

However, I have heard conflicting arguments that attachment parenting can often lead to spoilt and demanding children, and can be really hard and unnecessarily stressful on the mother

I will have to return to work after a year on mat leave, I have a high responsibility role at a secondary school which I love, so quitting is not an option for me, and I am worrying that this style of parenting may make it really hard on baby to adjust to life without me being there constantly

Thanks in advance for advice

Just do what feels right when the baby is born. Mine are teenagers now and are happy, healthy and content.

Ap wasn’t even a thing when I had mine. I bf, put them in bed with me when they woke up, carried them etc. I had no problems leaving them whilst I went out for the day once a month.

Everyone is so quick to label their parenting styles now. There is no best way and the majority of children grow up happy and content however their parents did it .

You need to do whatever is easiest for your family.
I did a lot of what is considered to be AP. It was just easier for me.
I bf, because I was too lazy for making bottles.
I co slept, because I got more sleep that way, DD woke up 2/3 times a night but I never had to get up to feed her, just popped a boob in her mouth and pretty much went back to sleep.
I used a sling, because DD was happy in there for quite long walks but used to cry incessantly whenever placed in the pram/buggy.
I did BLW because dd's first food was a cheese sandwich she stole from my hand. It seemed like if she could manage a sandwich she didn't need everything else to be mushed up for her, so we started giving her some of what we were eating in her hand.

It never bothered me that other people did things differently, I was just doing the things that made life easier for me and kept DD relatively happy.

Do the bits that suit you. I ended doing a lot of it due to having a baby who would scream if put down for the first 3 months and still gets upset when put down at the wrong time.

I never think about parenting style. I just do what feels right.

I’m currently doing a degree in childcare and ‘attachment theories’ have been around for decades.
The recent phenomenon in attachment parenting seems to have taken these original therories and magnified them tenfold. It seems all about the mother (or one significant person) whereas early attachment theory places importance on the child having strong attachments and bonds with several people, mums, dads, siblings, extended family etc. As the child gets older the ‘attachment’ is extended further to key nursery workers, teachers etc.
I think as long as your baby’s physical and emotional needs are being met and they grow up in a secure loving environment then it’ll be just fine

If your friends are doing a decent job of looking after their babies and the babies are well, then they'll come on in leaps and bounds whether they're AP'd or not. Feed, respond, cuddle, pay some attention.

To be honest you'll find that most people don't adhere strictly to one school of thought, especially as the babies also quite often have their own ideas about things. You can be an extended breastfeeder and never use a sling. You can have baby placed on you immediately you give birth and sleep train. You can babywear and formula feed. And this is before we even think about the decisions you don't get a choice in.

I naturally seemed to parent this way. I am not able to leave a baby to cry, and constantly wanted to be holding my dd and cuddling her. 5 years down the line, dd is wonderful. She is kind and clever and well behaved. this could just be her personality or it could be due to my parenting style, I don't know. All I do know is she has always felt loved and cared for, and I have always strived to make her feel happy and secure. It's going well so far. Dc2 is on the way though, so I may be eating my words if the next one is a nightmare!

All parenting is attachment parenting - your baby is naturally driven to attach to its caregivers, assuming your caregiving is “good enough” your baby will develop as it should, including developing secure attachments.

My only advice is do what works for you. I didn’t do attachment parenting and DD (4) is happy, confident and developed in leaps and bounds. As do the majority of children.

Attachment Parenting was invented as a concept by Sears. It has no basis in research or child psychology or anything like that. It was based on a misunderstanding of how primitive societies raise their young. Dont take it seriously but if some of the concepts work for you, great. If not, that's totally fine too.

Completely agree with Poptartpoptart. There’s a lot of good evidence for Attachment Theory and it’s more recent developments. This is basically where a baby needs warm, loving relationships with one or more consistent adults who meet baby’s physical and emotional needs. Babies can successfully attach to several adults who have a carer role. So hardcore sleep training at 3 months is probably out, but everything else depends on what your baby needs and what works for the whole family. Eg Slings can be useful but so can a baby asleep in the buggy while you have a rest/get jobs done/whatever. Find out what works and do that, rather than holding yourself to an ideology only partly based on any evidence.

Just parent your baby in the way that fees instinctively right. Don’t worry about what it’s official trendy term is.

The only people I know that did attachment parenting, now have annoying spoilt, clingy, whiney children. Its absolutely fine and normal to not have your child 24/7 and let another family member or regular child carer look after them. Its also really important to look after yourself as a person after you have a child.

As a PP said, do what works for you and your child (they are all very different) although I would not recommend co-sleeping with a small baby in your bed as there is a wealth of evidence that supports the advice that it does significantly increase the risk of SIDS.

Bed sharing is not co-sleeping.

I did what was best for my son and easiest for me. Ended up doing most of the attachment parenting stuff but never intended to, it just worked out that way.

I thought AP was a great idea until I had DC1. We ended up on Gina Ford after 6 miserable weeks. Turned out he was a routine type baby after all.

I have two very happy little girls and haven't even heard of attachment parenting. Sounds crazy to me, children have two parents, why force them to be bound to mum? In my opinion it doesn't sound very healthy for mum or baby. My top tip, self settle from early on and you'll have wonderful sleepers, which makes for a very happy healthy family!

Attachment parenting is about creating strong attachments between babies and thei primary caregivers (mums and dads). Who wouldn’t want a strong trusting relationship with their children? The benefit of which is that they are well behaved and listen because they trust and respect you as a parent. It’s about being nurturing and responsive and connected. That’s it. There are lots of ways you can do that (it’s not all co-sleeping and breastfeeding and those things alone won’t do it).

We’ve followed what would be considered an AP approach with both ours and they’re well behaved and respectful and confident. You get badly behaved kids by parenting badly, shouting, not meeting your kids basic needs, not because you did or did not bedshare.

Actually, John Bowlby (1907) studied the theory of ‘attachment relationships’
He looked at the relationship between babies and caregivers and its impact on subsequent mental health health and well-being.
This stuff has been around for years. It’s recently become trendy again to say you are ‘attachment parenting’
Really it only means meeting your child’s needs and ensuring they feel loved and develop secure bonds with their primary caregivers.

You're having a baby, not a science experiment.

Babies are human beings. Some take to routine, some take to attachment. Mine was an independent little thing from birth. From holding her head up early to wanting to walk to school alone at 6. Her friend Liam cried for three days when his parents gently and supportively left him at pre-school and I'm sure won't leave home until he marries in his 30s.

So do a combination of what works for you and works for them. All the theories work for the children and parents they would have worked for if they weren't theories.

All babies develop naturally in leaps and bound's so long as there's no special needs or disabilities and they are talked to and fed and not kept in a dark room 24/7...and generally looked after.
Don't worry just do what feels right for you
An over anxious parent won't stop baby developing eg crawling walking etc but may impact on emotional development in the longer term. So get some help for your anxiety talk to your midwife.

I don't know what kind of parenting I do, shit parenting mostly I think due to my extreme laziness. The kids are happy and don't seem to piss people off so 🤷‍♀️

Babies bond with the people who are their primary caregivers and who consistently meet their needs in a timely manner. Both parents can achieve that bond by doing those things. You don't need to sacrifice yourself completely in some attempt to be the perfect parent.

We use a Bjorn baby carrier but I don't like the term 'baby wearing'. I wear earrings, clothes, makeup, but my baby is a human, not an accessory.

I've found a good baby carrier is much easier than a carry cot. Not bulky, allows baby and parent to be close, great on public transport and when walking around.

AP isn't necessary to produce happy, healthy children with secure attachments

This. It about responding to your child in a sensitive and caring way rather than a fad.

Someone posted a link on here the other day to this wonderful article about it. Please read it -

www.developmentalscience.com/blog/2017/3/31/what-is-a-secure-attachmentand-why-doesnt-attachment-parenting-get-you-there

'Doing' any kind of branded parenting method is idiotic. As someone said upthread, they're not science experiments, they're little humans and very individual.

Do what works, it might take a while to figure that out and please don't give it a stupid name.

For example, I've found slings to be so practical and useful, but the term 'baby wearing' makes me want to heave.