To think we’re not compatible

[Pinkhorses]

I am finding DP just exhausting to live with as he has this thing where things have to be ‘ just so’.
Some examples. Sheets on the bed have to be tucked in properly for him to sleep . So If I’m in bed first he will start messing around picking up mattress etc. Drinks have to be in particular glass , white wine, red wine, beer -he will pour it into correct one if I give him different glass. Would rather not drink the beer if its not chilled enough . Food has to be cooked perfectly for him to eat it. If he slightly over does the lamb , he’ll keep mentioning it throughout the whole meal ,even though I acknowledge then try to change the subject. Has to get up from table as we’re about to eat to select particular music track for the meal. He thinks certain items should go on specific places in the fridge. If he asks me to pick him something up from the shop it’s always so specific that I have to write it down , I can’t risk choosing myself as it will be wrong and go to waste. And shopping for clothes or shoes with him is excruciating as he is usually so specific in what he’s after. Eating out on holiday , we have to read every menu on the street with DC getting hungry because he wants a particular light salad or something dairy free.
It’s that he cares so much about every little thing. I suppose it is good that he’ll take so much care and effort when he cooks or hangs washing or sorts laundry .But I do these jobs the majority of the time and am usually multitasking . I am more of a ‘ chuck it in the machine , get it done’ I chop my veg a bit randomly, sometimes load plates in the dishwasher at angles. If I forget an essential item for the meal I would just change plan, do something else , whilst he’ll have to get back in the car and get it. He also is really upset about things not really running how they should eg. A bus not turning up. I just wish he could be more ‘ laid back ‘ but it’s never going to happen - perhaps with medication?
He thinks I don’t care enough about things , and that it’s lazy. I know it annoys him , but his caring so much feels oppressive and I start to feel pleasure on leaving lids off things . What is this personality type ? Are we just incompatible? We bicker constantly about this stuff. Exhausted.
( my family don’t care about details either eg. Not matching pillows to sheets etc which he thinks looks bad )

about

Mismatched bed linen? Life's too short.
Soup spoons? As long as it's not a tea spoon or a serving spoon what's the problem?

I still put out ‘ a butter knife’ rather than a dinner knife by mistake though and he has to get up and change.

My DC do this if I ask them to put out the knives and forks, we have two sets they mismatch them and put butter knives out instead of proper matching ones, I hate it. I have to change them, I gently suggest they could match them next time.

My DP part opens curtains and leaves the tap handles at an angle instead of turned straight to the tap. I hate it. I open the curtains and straighten the tap every day, but I never say anything to my partner because it is just my preference.

@TotHappy That’s funny that you two are the same. What you wrote does sound familiar . When you say it feels like he was ‘ dragged up ‘ and you’re left maintaining the standards . I wonder if that’s how my DP feels. When he’s tried to explain he said it’s as if I’m some kind of ‘ peasant or something ‘ :)
I wonder if it could be that we’re from different backgrounds and I’m having to learn all these rules from another ‘ tribe’ . I didn’t grow up in a world of dinner parties and matching towel sets so maybe I resent having his culture become the ‘ correct one ‘ in the house.

@Tinty
That sounds fine as it’s just your preference. You’re not even mentioning it. My DP would explain and show me how to do it properly and then I would continue to do it my way and he would complain as he redid it himself about “ why is it so difficult to remember the way to do this”