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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you have children how often do you go out socialising with friends ?

139 replies

Peachsnowpop · 21/10/2018 02:28

As the question says....

OP posts:
LBOCS2 · 22/10/2018 10:39

DH and I have an agreement that we have one weekday evening and one weekend morning each a week to do what we want with and the other is 'on duty'. He plays football with his, I tend to sleep in at the weekend and see friends during the week. We also do a weekend away each per year (actually this year it has been more like two each) where he tends to festival and I see my uni friends who live in other parts of the country.

We also try and get one weekend away together as a couple a year, and probably go out together every 8 weeks or so - babysitting dependant. It works for us.

LBOCS2 · 22/10/2018 10:40

Oh, and our DC are 11, 6 and 2.

DrCoconut · 22/10/2018 10:41

I have very limited childcare so never at the moment.

Aviana · 22/10/2018 10:43

If you mean as a couple without the DC, then never.
I go out with friends 2-3 times a year, DH about the same.

Apart from that I organise to take the DC to friends houses/park after school - we moved when I was pregnant with eldest so all the people I know here have children either his age or younger.

Taffeta · 22/10/2018 10:48

Without DH (and DH without me) probably once or twice a month on average

With DH to local pub for a quick drink now DC are at secondary and can be left for an hour - once a week

With DH further afield/for longer so babysitter required - about once a month

riotlady · 22/10/2018 10:55

I see friends on my own a couple of times a month and go out with my partner probably every other month.
I’m on maternity so I also see friends at baby classes and meet up for coffees with the baby in tow during the week.

theliverpoolone · 22/10/2018 11:34

About once/twice a year. Single parent, dd can't stay at her dad's, no local family, no money for a babysitter. But actually also no local friends, so even if the chance did arise I wouldn't have anyone to arrange anything with... Sad

Ragwort · 22/10/2018 19:29

I think it is quite sad if parents never get out without their children. 'Socialising' doesn't have to mean clubbing or heavy drinking, just having a hobby or doing some volunteering or meeting a friend for a coffee can be a break from the normal routine. If you have a partner surly you can take turns at staying in with the children?
There is a danger of not having any identity apart from being a parent & you can see here on Mumsnet threads about parents (& MILs Grin) who have an over bearing interest in their adult children's lives ... perhaps some of that is due to not having any interests of their own?
My own parents, now in their 80s, have always had a wide range of hobbies & activities to fill their lives & when I was younger they would each have evenings out ... and now they still lead busy & active lives & have a huge friendship circle because they really made an effort to keep in touch with friends, even when they had young children & it can't always have been easy.
Some of the comments about 'not putting a social life before your children' do seem a little martyrish.

cementpointing · 22/10/2018 19:41

well, i dont really have close friends, just one or two separate friends and no circle of friends, so maybe 5/6 times

Didntwanttochangemyname · 22/10/2018 19:43

My DH and I have had one night out together without the children in the last 2.5 years. I'd love to go out more but I don't have this 'village' that everyone else seems to bang on about. DH also works away so I'm more often than not alone.

I do socialise though, I just do it with my children (toddler and baby).

KimchiLaLa · 22/10/2018 19:48

Once a month, which I don't feel is a lot. but only because some of my friends are now further away and it's just so damn hard to arrange a time. A lot of my socialising now is a coffee and maybe bringing the baby with me if the friend doesn't have one (and they always ask me to bring her because they want cuddles, sometimes I actually wouldn't mind not doing so 😂). this weekend I've made time to go to a new restaurant in London with a friend.

It feels like a huge deal to be out of the house for most of the day, even though my husband is capable.

KimchiLaLa · 22/10/2018 19:49

Oh but DH and I do go out together a lot because we are lucky enough to have lots of hands on grandparents near by.

PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth · 22/10/2018 19:52

Ragwort we just drag the DC along to our hobby! Grin They like it, because we meet in a park, a Wetherspoons which has activity sheets, or members' houses with gardens.

MrsHandles · 22/10/2018 19:53

I went out to the dentist this evening. It was dark and DH put DS to bed whilst I was there. Does that count?

Xmasbaby11 · 22/10/2018 19:56

At least 2 or 3 times a month in the evening and also some in daytime. I love seeing my friends. Kids are 4 and 6. When they were younger i went out less but for financial reasons.

Howdoyoudoit31 · 22/10/2018 20:50

@MrsHandles

Going to the dentist doesn’t count Grin

MrsHandles · 22/10/2018 20:53

Ah, well in that case I’ve not been out since DS was born...GrinConfused

Lethaldrizzle · 22/10/2018 20:54

Once or twice a week

EggysMom · 22/10/2018 20:55

Out? Socialising? Friends? What do these words mean? Grin

I think I manage once per year, if you discount the works xmas party.

mindutopia · 22/10/2018 20:55

I go out maybe 1-2 weekends a year and my dh probably somewhat similar, though maybe more like 3-4 a year as his is more combined with work. We live in the middle of nowhere so by 'going out' I mean we go away for a weekend and stay with friends or in a hotel/airbnb near where we're going. There's nowhere near here to 'go out' otherwise. But we have friends come to stay with us probably 2-4 weekends a year as well. We rarely go away together as we don't have any family help for overnights so we take it in turns while one of us stays home. Frankly, we don't go out often, it's expensive and takes about 4 months of planning just to peg down a night when one of us and our friends are free. We'd rather just sit at home and snack and drink wine without the hotel costs or taxis.

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 22/10/2018 20:57

I go out once a week with my friends and we go out for drinks and I am normally home 2am ish. My DH and I also go out together on date night once a week.

I would go crazy if I didn’t.

QueenOfMyWorld · 22/10/2018 21:02

Once a month

topsyanddim · 22/10/2018 21:03

If you have a partner, and sufficient funds, how can it be hard to socialise with friends?

I go out without my husband once a week on average. Maybe every two weeks if a quiet period.

We go out together without kids probably every couple of months.

We ‘go-out’ together with friends (stay over or put them to bed there and taxi home later) usually every other week. Often much more - over the warm summer at least once a week!

babbscrabbs · 22/10/2018 21:19

Once or twice a month with friends

Every 2-3 months with DH

Once every couple of months with work friends

Brokendown18 · 22/10/2018 21:22

Once a year with dh. Once a month with my own friends. Can’t afford a tenner an hour for babysitters

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