AIBU?
To ask if childfree couples are stronger?
Balletqueen · 20/10/2018 19:00
Now I'm thinking about those who are childfree by choice. Do you think they're stronger than the couples with children? I'd imagine they don't have to deal with the stress of having newborn/children, sleepless nights and fights about who's done what, competitive tiredness and goodness knows what. They have the time to do what they want, when they want. What do you think?
OhHelloNewbie · 20/10/2018 19:02
I really can only assume that they are.
I wouldn't send mine back for the world but jfc it's a hard job staying sane as a person let alone keeping my marraige together.
CarryOnScreamingValenta · 20/10/2018 19:05
My husband and I are childfree by choice. I have no reason to think our relationship is stronger than that of the average couple with children. Things still come up to argue and disagree about!
Having the time to do what you want, when you want, isn't a given for the childfree. We both work, but at different times, so we usually have very little time together in the week.
WipsGlitter · 20/10/2018 19:06
I doubt it. I know one childfree couple and they seem to lead very separate lives tbh.
continuallychargingmyphone · 20/10/2018 19:08
I think sometimes there is a discrepancy between couples regarding how much the children are wanted.
Sometimes, the woman wants the children and the man goes along with it, then when she’s begging for help and he's coasting along resentment seeps in on both sides.
The sexes can be reversed but that’s generally what happens.
MynameisJune · 20/10/2018 19:10
DH and I are definitely stronger after kids. We were together for 12 years before DD came along so I think a fair comparison for us.
SandyY2K · 20/10/2018 19:12
It's a far too generalised question tbh.
All couples are different. Some without children aren't strong and some with children are very strong.
Children can add a lot of stress to your life...but they can also bring a lot of joy. It creates a unique bond between mother and father...you both created a very special being that's got half your dna.
BertieBotts · 20/10/2018 19:14
No, not necessarily. I do think having children tests your relationship to the limit, but it's not the only thing to do so.
SerenDippitty · 20/10/2018 19:14
DH and I were not originally childfree by choice but we’ve chosen to stay together despite not being able to have children, because we love each other. I think we are pretty strong, in fa t going through infertility together made us stronger.
Amanduh · 20/10/2018 19:15
Not necessarily. Some people find having kids a strain on their relationship. Some finds it bonds them closer than ever.
Depends on the people and the relationship
Celestia26 · 20/10/2018 19:15
My husband and I have gone through some tough times in recent years, and I think it was the children that kept us together.
If we didn't have kids it would have been easier to split and move on.
BertieBotts · 20/10/2018 19:15
So if anything of you've had kids and are still together you might have a stromg relationship! Equally if you think having kids might break your relationship you might want to reevaluate how strong it really is.
ElainaElephant · 20/10/2018 19:16
I wouldn't say so. I think that a couple that can make their relationship work during child rearing years and come out the other side happy to be together, they are likely to be as strong as any couples relationship.
LeftRightCentre · 20/10/2018 19:18
Too generalised. My h and I have definitely become stronger as our children have grown and become more independent.
TheDowagerCuntess · 20/10/2018 19:18
You're asking this question, and coming from a position, that having children harms a relationship.
But it doesn't necessarily. If you're already a loving couple, then adding children to the mix can make you stronger still.
It seems a bizarre question to me - because it's not whether or not you have children, it's down to the individual couple.
Stompythedinosaur · 20/10/2018 19:18
I think that possibly depends on the age if the children. We found life very hard and relentless during the young baby no sleep period. However, having come through that, it feels like our relationship is stronger than it was before.
DollyWilde · 20/10/2018 19:19
I think it’s like saying do people with no money issues have a stronger relationship. Some maybe, others not - there’s always some other stress
JayDot500 · 20/10/2018 19:19
This type of question is very dependent on the individuals. In my case, DS has definitely made us stronger. If my husband was a different type of man, I could see where there would be problems.
SerenDippitty · 20/10/2018 19:21
I think keeping a long term relationship going without children has its own challenges. You have more time to focus on your partner’s flaws and you hav3 to find something else to talk about. It does not seem uncommon that when children grow up and leave home their parents have lost sight of what brought them together and they need to do some work to rediscover that.
BigSandyBalls2015 · 20/10/2018 19:22
We argue about our DCs as we have very different ways of parenting but I think they've made us closer in a lot of ways .... theres no one else in the world who would be as interested in discussing the little fun/odd/silly things our kids do/say ..... and they have very close aunties/uncles etc.
Balletqueen · 20/10/2018 19:25
I'm in my late 20s with three DCs, split with ex a year ago, and I'm not ready for a relationship yet for years to come, and when that time comes, I don't want to have children with him. I don't know, but I just can't stop thinking that my next relationship will be stronger than my previous, because I'm not going to have children with him. I get that, people who are really good together become stronger once they have children together, but I honestly believe that sometimes having children really does make or breaks a relationship.
I think it also depends on whether you've been together 10 years before having children or just married.
m0therofdragons · 20/10/2018 19:26
Losing a baby, struggling with dd1 crying constantly, coping with twins, childbirth - natural and cs - all things that have brought us closer. For me these are key bits in my life that Dh and I have together abs they've built respect, love, patience and understanding. But I'd never assume people without children don't have that it would just be different experiences that cement the relationship.
Threehoursfromhome · 20/10/2018 19:27
It's hard to know what goes on behind closed doors, but it does seem that when I see them together my childfree friends seem to actively enjoy each other's company more. If nothing else they have more money and more sleep than they would if they had chidren, and while neither of those things guarantee happiness, there's nothing like financial worries and sleep deprivation to suck the joy out of life.
I think also because both have stayed on the career ladder/ not had to go part time/ take time out to be a SAHP, and because they don't have to stay together for the sake of the kids, both are aware that the other could walk, so perhaps there's less taking each other for granted?
ZigZagZebras · 20/10/2018 19:29
As a generalisation day to day stress levels will be higher in adults with children, so probably more arguments, but then there's also more incentive to stay together so an issue that may split up a childless couple may not split up a couple with children. Though depending on the issue that may not necessarily be a good thing!
LisaSimpsonsbff · 20/10/2018 19:30
I only have a young baby (three months) so can't talk to the whole range of ways children test your relationship, but the people around me whose relationships crumbled after children were all people whose relationships had never been really tested by tough times before (and who hadn't been together that long pre-children). If you don't have children then, sooner or later, something else will test the relationship - bereavement, poor mental or physical health, big financial worries, etc. I think if a relationship is going to break down under stress not having children can delay that (because it's so inevitable that having children will bring stress) but not avoid it.
DishranawaywiththeSpoon · 20/10/2018 19:31
I don't think so, whilst children test your relationship I think even if you don't have children there will be tests and things, at different times and of different sorts. The chance that two people will meet day in their 20s and not change or meet anyone else in the next 40 years is slim, and I tend to think that couples who split up because of the strain of children, or when their children leave home would have split up anyway, just maybe at a different time.
Children can anchor a relationship, I only know a few 20+ year relationships without children and none of them are very strongmost of them arent very strong, nothing to do with not having children but they are still splitting up/fighting a the time.
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