Manspreading he was a CF

[Soverytired18]

Was on the train earlier and sat down next to a some guy who had his legs and elbows splayed out, I asked him to move them as he was touching me. His response was to tell me if I don’t like it I can move, my response to that was to explain that generally people are fairly more considerate (and he’s obviously entitled tw@t), he then proceeeded to tell me I was crazy. Wtaf? I didn’t want his leg rubbing mine, nor did I want his leg in my space!

Recently, the men I’ve encountered on public transport seem to be particularly boorish and agressive but maybe it’s me?

An example from the other week was one guy kept standing on me and I said you keep standing on my foot please stop, so the fairly young guy next to me proceed to tell me it’s a packed train I’m being unreasonable (there was nowhere for my feet to go as I was sitting down and the guy could have moved elsewhere) and the other guy thanked him. Bless them.

I’m loathe to communicate with anyone on public transport but when I have feet and elbows digging into me fuck that.

Prepared to be told AIBU for ‘complaining’.

It did use to be mainly men who did this but I would just spread out and be a terrible fidget. However women tend to do it with their handbags in the seat. I will ask very politely for it to be moved whilst giving them the death stare - it will be moved one way or another!

I was on a packed rush hour train the other day where a man was leaning his full body against the pole so nobody could hold on. I wrapped my hand round the pole so that it was touching his back. He looked startled at first and I expected him to move but he didn’t, he spent the next ten minutes pressing his back harder and harder into my hand. I dug my knuckles into his back and carried on innocently reading my book. Two minutes later he admitted defeat and finally stopped leaning!

I have also found womanspreading back to be very effective. I've always worn jeans and ALWAYS sat like that to some extent though not on public transport because I"m not a selfish cockend.

I remember my much older sister saying to me when I was about 17 "Sit with your legs closed!"

I was "NO!"

I wear jeans as I said and don't see why I have to sit with my fucking knees together.

Anyway...push back. If they still don't move, push back and cough horrendously. That works.

@AjasLipstick your straight talking post has made me giggle.

Glad to hear it Very! Why aren't you in bed? Are you in UK?

I only rarely use public transport but I never really encountered any problems even when I did use it more often. Sometimes being an obese middle aged harridan with a face like a bag of spanners has an advantage

I do remember one time though being on a busy train and a pregnant woman got on and was all set to stand, there were 2 blokes opposite me one on a window one on an aisle seat with their bags in the middle just ignoring her, I said loudly to her “EXCUSE ME THERE’S A SEAT HERE” and glared at the ignorant fuckers till they moved the bags. What kind of fucker stands and stares at a pregnant woman standing on a packed train while their bag takes up a seat?!

@AjasLipstick yes in the UK I should be in bed but first second I’ve had to myself all week! 😖

I know that feeling! I stay up beyond midnight just to be alone sometimes!

I think if this is the biggest issues you have in your day then you can relax. People of all genders are inconsiderate. Women on buses regularly require a seat purely for their bag, meaning others have to either stand or ask them to move it. Men will sprawl and take up more than their fair share. There's eejits everywhere...it's not real a men vs women affair! Equally, I wouldn't expect a man to have to be the one to move for a pregnant woman. Another woman can give up her seat just as easily. Or the pregnant woman can stand...provided they're not massive, in which case someone will give up and let them sit.

I hated commuting while pregnant. Like a lot of pregnant women I had low blood pressure which meant I got dizzy. A few times, despite asking, people wouldn’t give me a seat and once I staggered and fell forward hard. It was hellish.

I don’t push my leg against that of random men’s. It would completely freak me out. I try the leg jiggle and fidgeting, which often works. If it doesn’t I say “why are you pushing up against my leg? It’s hurting me” unless the man looks like the type who might have a knife or smells of alcohol.

Horrible situation, OP. Well done for speaking up!

I had a horrible experience on the train this week and am still going over it in my head. Full train, standers about four layers deep, I was farthest in, so 3 in front of me, close to the doors. Got to a stop and several people went out and several people came in, freeing up two seats about 1 person width away from me to the left and the right. Guy in front of me pressed back into me, so that I was blocked from going anywhere and just stood there. I moved a bit right, he pushed his bum back more. This left me almost in the laps of the two people in priority seating, who were scowling at me by this time. I loudly but politely said "excuse me, just trying to get out of the way and free up some space here" and ducked through a tiny opening to take a seat. There was still a free seat for Guy in Front, so it wasn't that we were competing for the only free one. Guy proceeds to stare at me, mouthing 'fat bitch' over and over. Did not blink. It was quite shocking. He got off at the next stop, or I would have had to call him on it.

Sickening. Nothing I did caused him to react as he did, physically or verbally. I guess he is just a bastard bully. I am watching for him...

This problem gets worse as you get older and become invisible. If you have mobility difficulties and are slow because of this, people will just push you to one side, if they can.

I have a bad hip and often people (usually men) will come barging towards me expecting me to move out of the way. I now deal with it by standing completely still, so they have to either stop dead or move around me. As there is CCTV in so many public places now, most will stop dead before actually pushing a person to the ground.

When we go out as a couple my DH is rather tall and broad, also from a military background, so although also older his body language and demeanour tends to appear entitled to pass through. He walks in front of me and the crowd tends to part and let him through, allowing me to follow at my slower pace.

YANBU. I fight these fuckers for legspace personally. I usually win too as they seem so shocked that a woman would be so fucking inconsiderate. My husband is 6ft 3 and manages to not spread his legs. And for those who claim its because their bits are too big, you fucking wish mate.

So autumn’s DP is one of those men

@Wrenika I cant understand why you would want to shut down women sharing their experiences.

While I dont deny men do this, in my experience woman are worse. Just this week Ive had to woman bitch about me because I had the audacity to ask one of them to move their bag off one of the seats. And another woman sat with her legs crossed so her foot was right in the area my legs had to go and i found myself apologising to her when i nudged her getting in my seat. She just growled at me!

YANBU. There are some really inconsiderate idiots out there.

You can try woman spreading back.

Or jiggling.

Or saying loudly Idon'twantyoutotouchmylegIdon'twantyoutotouchmylegIdon'twantyoutotouchmyleg...

Or other suggestions made up thread.

Or record his leg pushing up against you so you can see he is taking up more than his part of the seat, get a good picture of his face while saying something like "Another classic manspreader to shame on Facebook, shouldn't have to put up with someone encroaching on my personal space, another disillusioned man who thinks his privates are so big he has to spread his legs onto my seat to accommodate them."

Stop filming and make a comment to the people around you/just generally to the air like "That's number 22 just this month, someone always recognises them too and we can have a laugh about it later. Oooh, and if I'm lucky someone I know will know an ex who can confirm if he really does need the space!"

You'd have to read the situation carefully in case it makes things worse so you have to stop, but I bet within seconds of starting to record you'd end up with manspreader giving you more space, then you could delete the video then and there, but get ready to start again if they are CFers who go back to their old ways a few minutes later.

Of course, if you felt like it, if nothing changes you can put it on Facebook with an appropriate caption and play it back from there, read out any comments that might be made by others on Facebook live as they come up.

(I wouldn't have the guts to this myself, but would be in awe of someone who does. I would probably silently seethe in my half a seat while imagining doing some professional filming and witty repartee.)

On the rare occasions I've had the misfortune to use London transport, what I notice most is how considerate people are, by and large.

In contrast, I also noticed how often people in crowds barged into my children and generally treated them as invisible. Both men and women seemed pretty chronic about that.

Regular irritable commuter here. My irritations are:

Manspreaders

People who sit on end seat and when you ask if they can move bag off window seat and sit down get stroppy and tutt and make you climb over
them literally instead of just moving over.

People,who take over the whole of the table working.

People who get on rush hour train that moan its packed.

People standing that dont move when people trying to get off train.

People who dont let others get off train before they get on.

I get this often. Once I was at a table seat on an empty train and a man got on and sat opposite me. Opposite me, despite the carriage being near empty! After a while of glaring at me he asked me to move my legs (which were firmly on my side of the table). I told him there was plenty of room at the table and he'd chosen to sit opposite me so would have to deal with less leg room. He moved to another table.

I also had to give my seat to a heavily pregnant lady as no one else was offering (fine, someone needed to), but then a man offered me his seat when he'd not bothered to offer the pregnant lady it!

Most recently I had a man on the train leaning towards me with shoulder and elbow encroaching far in to my seat. As soon as he lifted the arm to scratch his nose I was straight in there and took over the armrest. He moved too.

The fact that they move when you stand up to them does make it seem deliberate.

YADNBU OP and I’m really sorry this is happening to you.

You’re not causing it, please don’t believe your “friend “ about that.

These all sound like young men - entitled ducks who resent that they have to treat women as equal human beings and so decide to do their own bit of “equalising”.

It’s misogyny pure and simple.