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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Manspreading he was a CF

92 replies

Soverytired18 · 19/10/2018 21:07

Was on the train earlier and sat down next to a some guy who had his legs and elbows splayed out, I asked him to move them as he was touching me. His response was to tell me if I don’t like it I can move, my response to that was to explain that generally people are fairly more considerate (and he’s obviously entitled tw@t), he then proceeeded to tell me I was crazy. Wtaf? I didn’t want his leg rubbing mine, nor did I want his leg in my space!

Recently, the men I’ve encountered on public transport seem to be particularly boorish and agressive but maybe it’s me?

An example from the other week was one guy kept standing on me and I said you keep standing on my foot please stop, so the fairly young guy next to me proceed to tell me it’s a packed train I’m being unreasonable (there was nowhere for my feet to go as I was sitting down and the guy could have moved elsewhere) and the other guy thanked him. Bless them.

I’m loathe to communicate with anyone on public transport but when I have feet and elbows digging into me fuck that.

Prepared to be told AIBU for ‘complaining’.

OP posts:

celtiethree · 19/10/2018 22:10

Next time ask if they have a problem with their ‘balls’ that makes it impossible to sit normally and is it contagious 😷?

DevilThatWearsPrada · 19/10/2018 22:11

@CandleWithHair I totally hate it when men insist on keeping rucksacks on the floor between their legs. If you are seated next to them then it's thighs rubbing. If seated opposite then they've taken all my foot space & I have to sit awkwardly with my knees hurting. Sometimes I get angry and just say 'excuse me' and point to the floor innocently. They get startled and move their feet/stuff to check. Then I sit properly & say 'thank you'. Space reclaimed. No explanation.

Original poster

Soverytired18 · 19/10/2018 22:13

@Hannnnnnnxo

Ah, I’ve not experienced woman behaving like this you see, not being physically intimidating and agressive whilst I think it’s wrong for both genders I think men using the physicality in such a way against women is far far worse.

OP posts:

MyBrexitIsIll · 19/10/2018 22:13

Yep I womanspread back too.
And I ignore the twats who need to support each other whilst thinking in my head that they can’t be that strong and superior if they feel the need to ask for support from other blokes they don’t know.
I scream ‘that HURTS!!’ if someone insists on walking on my toes, elbowing me etc...

Fwiw I think it’s some sort of backlash from the #MeToo etc.. as those poor weak men actually feel threatened by women and have the need to express their superiority and place again (hence the fact they support each other at been twats too).

CandleWithHair · 19/10/2018 22:14

I do have to agree with han a bit tho. I don’t think women cause as many problems BUT they’re far more in your face when they do, especially in the ways described.

Whoever said it’s dog eat dog is right tho. Only this morning I had a race through the carriage for the last available seat in the middle. Narrowly pipped another lady to it who then had the audacity to mutter insults under her breath. Like she wasn’t about to do exactly the same thing to me!

mumsastudent · 19/10/2018 22:15

I was on a crowded bus we came into a big hospital stop - one bloke was spread out on seat with his bags not giving space - along come a middle aged nursing assistant - looks at him gives the eyeball " can you move I need to sit down" he moved! yes!!!

YoThePussy · 19/10/2018 22:22

I had a posse of Jack-the-lads get into the same train carriage I was in and one sat down next to me and manspread out. Pretended to go to sleep when I tried to get him to move. Ignored me when it was coming to my stop and I needed to get past. One of his friends told me to give him a shove thinking I wouldn’t. I did so hard he fell on the floor. I didn’t look back just got the train and walked off.

YoThePussy · 19/10/2018 22:23

Got off the train!

Original poster

Soverytired18 · 19/10/2018 22:24

I haven’t experienced that pure hatred from women like I did from these men and I am not trying to be inflammatory either it was shocking. The nastiness from one of them telling me I was boring him because I said to him the other guy pushed me so what sort of response would he have liked? It’s bizarre and if it’s a back lash as @MyBrexitItslllsays to the #metoo campaign then the rot is deep and that is scary and even more devisive.

OP posts:

Deathgrip · 19/10/2018 22:24

I've noticed men literally never give up their seat for people who need it more than them lately.

Saw a guy on social media earlier saying that he saw a pregnant woman standing on the train, but since men are no longer allowed to say hello or speak to or make eye contact with strange women, he figured he couldn’t possibly offer her his seat without harassing her.

There are a looooot of men who really want women to pay for the recent uproar around misogyny and harassment. They’re fuming at all of these uppity women getting out of line and this is the response. It’s been brewing for years online but it’s spilling over into real life now.

Justanotherlurker · 19/10/2018 22:24

Public transport is a sod at the best of times, but I think your OP is being biased and are trying to make it gendered, you admit a 3rd party told you it was a packed train thats why the other man was stepping on your foot, most daily travellers have been in that situation as not to make it a gendered issue.

The same with someone thinking they was manspreading (ugh, horrible 4th wave feminism bullshit) when they had their bad between their legs FFS!

Anybody who is a seasoned traveler, especially in peak times has met entitled twats that are fellow travelers, IMO it splits pretty evenly between either gender and isn't some spooky MRA bullshit, its just inconsiderate twats. Those that try to make it a gendered issue are overlapping on the ven diagram of twats.

hannnnnnnxo · 19/10/2018 22:25

To be fair I tend to stand rather than sit next to someone on my train routes (20 min journey and v packed), so that’s probably why I don’t notice men as much.

But definitely agree about men using packed trains as an opportunity to sexually assault women - it’s fucking vile. On the odd occasions that I have felt a man get too close to me, I do give them dirty looks and push them ALL the way back quite aggressively, I’ll turn to the side, put my handbag and tense, outstretched elbow (holding my phone) in between us so he can’t touch me. And push them hardly at any possible opportunity if I can’t move away.

Earlier this week, two people were rushing at a newly vacant table seat and managed to spill a bloke opposite’s cup of coffee! He wasn’t amused

Deathgrip · 19/10/2018 22:27

When I still worked in London, I started working from an earlier time so I could skip rush hour on the tube. I lived quite a way out so there were usually spaces. One morning I was waiting in the platform using crutches, and as the doors opened a guy literally hipbarged me out of the way to get the last seat. I was on the floor. No apology, just buried his head in the paper and pretended I was invisible.

Men on public transport absolutely suck.

Original poster

Soverytired18 · 19/10/2018 22:29

@Justanotherlurker he stood on my foot several times even when I pointed out it was my foot he kept standing in an continued to do so and then became verbally abusive. I didn’t think I had to accept that and as I’ve pointed out it’s only been men who have responded in this manner it’s very difficult to include women in the discussion bar where I have and have othe posters.

Please can we have a Venn diagram?

OP posts:

Deathgrip · 19/10/2018 22:29

Just she didn’t say the train was packed. She said a train recently was packed and a man was standing on her foot.

Deathgrip · 19/10/2018 22:30

Sorry, I misread your post. Regardless, even if it is packed, if someone told I’d stood on their foot, i’d apologise, not be an araehole.

Original poster

Soverytired18 · 19/10/2018 22:37

@Deathgrip it wasn’t rush hour packed. The comment was from a teenager may 20 at most sitting in a priority seat, they both then started complaining at my unreasonable request and congratulating themselves as sticking up for each other. It was my foot that was being bloody squashed not his.

OP posts:

Looking4wards · 19/10/2018 22:39

I regularly commute to work, and I've experienced this sort of behaviour from both men and women! It use to be just men, but in recent years I've definitely seen an increase in women doing it.

Earlier in the year I had a guy start leaning on me on the train... wtf!? It was crowded but not that crowded! So I let him lean for a bit then suddenly shifted so he struggled with his balance. Then he turns around and took a photo of my on his phone!

I was pregnant not that long ago, and was kindly offered a seat. Then another woman got on, clearly wanted a seat but there weren't any. So she decided to hold her bag right infront of my face and tried to hit my face everytime the train jolted a bit.

Catscakeandchocolate · 19/10/2018 22:40

Just announce loudly that their balls and penis are not that big and don't need that much room. Works every single time.

In defense of men 99% of the seats I have been offered whilst pregnant have been by men. Or men have loudly asked for a seat on my behalf even though I was happy to stand. Maybe I have been in the minority but that has been my experience.

But rudeness and acting like an utter twat on public transport has increased year on year in the years i have been commuting.

Justanotherlurker · 19/10/2018 22:45

she didn’t say the train was packed. She said a train recently was packed and a man was standing on her foot.

OP:

An example from the other week was one guy kept standing on me and I said you keep standing on my foot please stop, so the fairly young guy next to me proceed to tell me it’s a packed train

Nuance right their in her initial statement. I'm not saying its not an issue but there is more to this than thinking its some kind of MRA-esq situation.

It's inconsiderate twats on public transport and its not confined to one gender.

E20mom · 19/10/2018 22:55

Just sit down and develop a really annoying leg jiggle.

That's what I do and 100% of the time the guy just looks annoyed but quickly moves his leg so my jiggle leg doesn't touch him.

HandlebarTash81 · 19/10/2018 23:02

I doubt it’s you, OP. Public transport and porn - the last bastions of outright aggressive male entitlement.

HandlebarTash81 · 19/10/2018 23:02

Whenever I’ve womanspread back, it hasn’t deterred them and I’ve backed off for fear that making physical contact is seen as some kind of come on. Pathetic, I know.

Justanotherlurker · 19/10/2018 23:04

Just sit down and develop a really annoying leg jiggle.

Whilst doing the leg jiggle, look everyone in the directly in the eye and smile whilst repeatedly patting the seat next to you, guaranteed elbow room!

Just avoid those carrying on the brown paper bag concealing alcohol though as it gets weird.

Sarcelle · 19/10/2018 23:07

I commute. Unfortunately women are just as bad these days.

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