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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask why people give babies screens?

58 replies

joiningmum · 19/10/2018 21:06

Just reading another thread, and it's a topic that has come up often over recent years. I didn't even realise this was a thing as I didn't have a smartphone at the time and didn't notice others using them with infants (aspie).

I can think of many difficult moments (ASD) infact every day was difficult, disabled, with a disabled child, on public transport, trying to navigate difficulties without help. Yet I can't picture a smartphone making the situation better. I find and see the use of them with older kids who interact with the devices, but I don't understand why people give them to babies? Babies naturally observe their environment and are easily stimulated, they already have a lot to look at and a screen would be a competing demand that they couldn't interact with rather than a soother. Babies need interaction from their caregivers and need a lot of care and sleep so there is less time to fill than an older child who has developed basic skills and is securely playing with a screen.

I had a parent tell me that they thought children should be exposed to screens as early as possible to develop screen skills and boost their infants intelligence. Is this sort of view common in those that give screens to babies? It was around the time of 'teach your baby to read' and pushy type parenting was in fashion but this view seems less common now, so why are infants and toddlers using screens as part of their daily activities now? Libraries have invested money to teach toddlers to use screens too so it is mainstream. I now often see babies in prams or buggies with a screen. Is it just parents passing on what they do? Why do people do it?

OP posts:
Caprisunorange · 19/10/2018 21:08

Why don’t you post on the other thread? A thread about a thread is against the rules

joiningmum · 19/10/2018 21:21

The other thread just mentions it. This was to specifically ask a question.

OP posts:
AlphaBravo · 19/10/2018 21:25

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Catfacecats · 19/10/2018 21:26

Because when my babies have kept me up all night, we’re all grumpy/teething/not well and I have to get the bus into town to go collect something then yes, if my iPhone or iPad will keep them quiet for 10 mins so I can zone out on the bus then yes, I’ll hand it over.
Judge all you like.

Pebblespony · 19/10/2018 21:28

Because otherwise I will go fucking crazy and be arrested for losing my shit in public. Congratulations on being such a stellar parent OP.

Gogreen · 19/10/2018 21:29

I think they watch tv or cartoons on it, so it’s the same as just putting the tv on at home.....but your out?

Gogreen · 19/10/2018 21:30

I don’t give my toddler my phone or anything like that, not because I do t agree with it, I couldn’t care less about what others do, I just don’t want my baby to break my phone as I use it for work.

ListenLinda · 19/10/2018 21:31

My SIL is very judgy about us giving DD a phone for 5 mins. And all I can say is ‘just you wait until yours is a little bit older’. If it means a car journey where she is content, or 5 mins to enjoy and finish a hot drink (rare these days!), so be it.
I don’t mind being judged :) no one else knows her other activities, it’s not like she is on it 12 hour a day.

TheFantasticFixit · 19/10/2018 21:31

Because it’s none of your business how other parents choose to parent, screens or not.

Bobbiepin · 19/10/2018 21:34

On Monday the paramedic held up an iPad with tellytubbies on which stopped my 11mo crying on the way to the hospital when I couldn't hold her. People parent differently from you, deal with it.

joiningmum · 19/10/2018 21:35

I'm not asking about toddlers. Like I said, I understand the reasons behind giving a screen to a child that can play with it. I mean smart phones and tablets for babies who can't even hold them. If they can look around the bus why do they need to look at a screen?

I'm working tonight so I can't go to bed. It's not a holiday for me. I'm not goady. Why take it personally instead of just explain? I also said i'm autistic, therefore I sometimes don't understand something if I've not done it myself or not had it explained. I see things logically. I was given one explanation (it increases skills and intelligence) and I wondered if that was a common opinion, or what other reasons there were for it. I've seen initiatives to increase use in toddlers, so I don't think it's UR to ask if these are the same reasons parents give them to infants.

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 19/10/2018 21:37

I have never seen a baby or toddler in a pushchair with a screen in front of them. I have also never seen tablets or similar being used by toddlers in libraries. My local library does a toddler rhyme time which is free from technology.

So, I'm not sure that there are that many parents who use a screen as a default activity. In fact I think it's quite unusual. I also think the vast majority are aware that having lots of screen time isn't ideal for very young children.

AssassinatedBeauty · 19/10/2018 21:39

What specific initiatives have you seen for babies to increase their use of screens? I haven't seen anything like this.

cookiesandchocolate · 19/10/2018 21:39

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moredoll · 19/10/2018 21:41

I've got some baby apps on my phone for DD (2.4). She doesn't play with them for more than 10 minutes and she definitely doesn't play with them every day. I use them mainly to distract her, for instance on the bus if a tantrum is brewing.

TheFantasticFixit · 19/10/2018 21:41

People will take it personally because - even if this isn’t your intention - this is something that invites judgement and criticism amongst parents.

Probably, the short answer to your question is it’s easy to. It’s easy to turn on Peppa Pug and reclaim a moment of your own thought process while they zone into whatever is on the screen. Some parents will use an educational app, some will put on YouTube and be quite happy to enjoy their meal, or their moment of quiet.

TheFantasticFixit · 19/10/2018 21:41

*pig!

TheFantasticFixit · 19/10/2018 21:43

And yes, I agree with PP. as a parent of two, nearly 3, i’ve never seen an initiative to ‘increase’ screentime. I’ve no idea where you’ve got that from, so please do add sources for that.

SputnikBear · 19/10/2018 21:43

My 9mo would not be happy just looking around. I let him watch my phone on long car journeys when he’s screaming and lost interest in his toys but we’re on the motorway and can’t stop. And sometimes I let him watch it if he’s crying and won’t be pacified by toys, and I need him to quit so I can cook or eat a meal, or make an important phone call, or wash up. It’s always a last resort when he’s hysterical and I can’t get him to stop. You’re very fortunate if your kids were happy just to gaze around and never needed to be entertained to stop them screaming.

cablewable · 19/10/2018 21:44

It's lazy parenting. My brothers girlfriend has given their baby a phone/Ipad to watch since he was born and now he cries for it. It makes me sad when I see young children being pushed about in their buggys watching something on a device. I know people say get with the times etc but I just really can't see it, sorry 😕

joiningmum · 19/10/2018 21:48

Thank you gogreen. I also thought about them breaking.

Nowhere did I say I was a perfect parent, only that I didn't have smart screens at that stage and that in reflection I couldn't see why they would be useful in public because the infant already has lots to look at around them. If there is other novelty then why a screen. I can see the novelty in the hospital situation. I'm not making a judgement, I asked a question about something common that I didn't understand.

I can see if they're used to stimulation like TV at home from the beginning they'd be drawn to that on the bus etc. Could that be a chicken and egg situation though? In that normal things become boring and screens become more captivating? I've found that with screens and my older kids. Before we had screens less stimulating things were interesting (and everything is a novelty when they're tiny), then other things would pale in comparison.

OP posts:
ARollyCow · 19/10/2018 21:48

I've never seen small babies with one. I will let my toddler watch the kids you tube under certain circumstances, for example when I needed her to sit still and quiet so I could get a smear test done. She has it rarely so it works very well for things like that. Without it in that situation she would have been screaming in a pushchair or emptying the doctors cupboards.

cablewable · 19/10/2018 21:52

I have had a child before and after the screen fixation and going back to when they wasn't about- which wasn't that long ago! - why parents can't carry things around for their children to do!
It worked then and they soon learn that that's their option but now they have screen option. Of course if this is an option they will choose this. I find it incredible that people still have massive strong opinions that 'this is the only option' get a grip and parent your child!

cookiesandchocolate · 19/10/2018 21:53

Cablewable- perhaps your brother should be doing more to help with the parenting

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/10/2018 21:58

Toddler Lock saved my life several times! It is (was? not needed it for a few years) basically a blank screen and whenever the child touches it there is a brightly coloured shape and a nice bingly noise. Just enough to keep a little one amused and no worse, imo, than anything other toys that makes a noise and a bright light. Used with care it can get you round a whole big shop with minimal tantrumming (me, not them).