To think I’ll never have a relationship?

[flyinghedgehogs]

I’m pushing 40 and it’s yet to happen.

I just honestly don’t know how people do it. How do people end up with partners, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives?

I am thinking I missed some of the gene here.

What sort of job do you do?

What have you tried so far? Have you tried dating? Have you tried online dating? Have you ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend even as a teenager or in your 20s?

I had a brief sort of boyfriend at school for a bit. Never dated.

My job doesn’t involve a lot of mixing with people.

Some people get very lucky and the perfect person for them falls into their lap. For the rest of us, it's a bit of a project to find the right person, so you have to put some effort into it.

How active are you? Are you meeting people? Looking?

If you want it, you do have to try a bit. Nobody ever chats me up or has ever asked me out in real life - I never get flirted with at all! So I have to do online dating if I want to date. I don’t know who these people are who are constantly being asked out at work or in the supermarket etc, because I can’t see how that would happen to me in a million years.

Yes I do understand that Miss but I don’t know, it really seems weird that I haven’t had an ‘adult’ relationship. Everyone else seems to, when all is said and done

I’ve tried online dating with no success

It didn't come easily to me either. I had only had a few boyfriends by time I was 34 and I was thinking similar even then. However fate stepped in and I met my now husband. I am late 40s now and 34 seems quite young to me now, but then, I was thinking I am getting on.

My sister had a partner she had a child with when she was in her 20s, they never married and it did not last, there was nobody then whilst she brought her daughter up. She met someone and got married at age 43.

My DW and I were both aged 55 when we met and fell in love. I* was divorced, she had never been married.
I know she had been out with a few people but I don't think she had lived with anyone before me (I does not matter so I've never asked and why should I ask)
We have been married for 15 years, are in love, life together is fantastically good. It can happen.

Could it be that you are unknowingly sending out an "I'm not available" vibe? Do you have any platonic male friends who would give you an honest assessment of how you come off to men?

How do you define lack of success? A genuine question! Do you send messages and get no response? Get no messages? Go on bad dates?

No response usually.

I don’t have any male friends

Maybe there’s a positive reason why you’re not.
There’s many many people in absolutely dreadful relationships that have no way out, and I don’t know many “happy couples” so maybe its a blessing

doesnt come easily for me either. Ive not really had a partner. ive never lived with a man and im almost 30

I met dh through his sister , but before that i.met lots of different men but not many who wanted more than a fling , i went out a lot , on line dating wss ent really a thing when i was single , can you ask friends to imtroduce you to anyone ?

Have you looked into a dating coach?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dating_coach

Some of them work on line, so you don't have to be local to them.

Also think about how many weridos you must’ve dodged. That’s another positive I think so :)

Im a man but Same as me loads of people say that person will turn up when you least expect it, after 41 years on the planet and no one turning up I doubt it.

But don't give up hope yet you are still going enough.

Yes but banana it does get really lonely to be honest.

heresme meet flyinghedgehogs

heresme meet flyinghedgehogs

Mumsnet comes through again!

Have you had a friend look at your online dating profiles and give them an honest critique? Might be something you need to tweak in them. And do you go out a lot and socialise? The more people you meet generally the more chance of finding someone.

OP, trust me when I say it really is a numbers game. It's like being unemployed and looking for a job; there are a few lucky people who get headhunted but the rest of us have to apply for loads of positions and go to lots of interviews before finding our dream job.

In the same way, your dream man won't show up on your doorstep! Keep on writing to guys online, look at how your profile can appeal to more people (Evan Marc Katz is a great dating coach who has a wealth of material on his website) and go on as many dates as possible. It really is as simple as that.

When I was single, I went on an average of about 3 first dates a week to have as much chance as possible of meeting my future DH! I even had 8 one week! And eventually it worked.

I don't meet new people at work and am a real homebody these days so OLD was the most productive way. It's a PITA being disappointed when you think a guy is promising and he turns out to be not your type in person but you just have to pick yourself up and keep trying. What's the alternative? Be single forever?

He is out there OP, lurking on those dating pages or doing a hobby you also like. You just need to find him and, for some of us, that takes effort and hard work. And don't think that you will never find anyone - if the people on Jeremy Kyle have DPs, there is definitely hope for you! Don't give up!

Do you get out anywhere to meet people?