To think I’ll never have a relationship?

[flyinghedgehogs]

I’m pushing 40 and it’s yet to happen.

I just honestly don’t know how people do it. How do people end up with partners, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives?

I am thinking I missed some of the gene here.

Heresme is a troll no doubt

Do you have a hobby through which you could meet someone? Volunteering perhaps?

To be honest I don’t get out much.

I know that I should keep trying with OD, but I find it makes me feel so low and dejected when I don’t get anywhere it’s hard not to take it personally.

Plus, I feel that people would find my having no prior experience so to speak really peculiar

Bless you.

Do you have a good, independent life with satisfying job and friends?

Being involved with a bloke is not everything.

(Also it might still happen!)

I work and I have a good job. I’ve drifted apart from friends though; it’s really sad.

I honestly can't think of anything worse than online dating. I met my husband on holiday, a specific sort of activity holiday, so it was inevitable that I would have something in common with the people I met there, rather than going on a generic sightseeing or beach holiday. Obviously I did not know I was going to meet my husband. I mention it only because I strongly feel, if I had not met him, I would have probably not met anyone at all. I did do a bit of dating prior to meeting him, but nothing worthy of the name 'relationship'.

Are there any activities or holidays or classes you could do, where you would be guaranteed to meet people with things in common with you?

If you don’t work with many people and don’t go out much, where are you thinking you might meet someone? You’re going to have to get proactive! Is there anything that you’re interested in that you could possibly expand into a hobby?

Definitely agree with hobbies. It's how I've met everyone I've been involved with.

Dolce is correct, it is a numbers game. Get some pictures done by a professional photographer to use for OLD. Have someone review and help rewrite your ad. I found this service on the Evan Mark Katz site, which does look really good.

www.e-cyrano.com/

I was 36 when I met my DH on match.com. I asked him out :). But there were a lot of dead ends there before I found him.

I went for a coffee the other day on my own and I couldn't figure out how it would work if you were meeting someone there. I couldn't work out the logistics of it at all.

It's quite simple really. If you met them through on line dating, you've probably seen a photograph of them, and they of you. You set the time and place, describe what outfit you'll be wearing and then once there, you introduce yourselves to each other. If you have his mobile number and you're not sure if he's there yet, ring him and listen for his phone.

All of this involves, to some degree, putting yourself out there in the best possible light and taking some risks.

I feel as you do Lw

Almost like it’s a foreign language I can’t learn. But I feel so lonely

Are you able to socialise with her? I’ve found so many friendships have just drifted - they have their partners and families.

www.lovementor.com/page/dating-coach/

See category 3.

Wasn’t easy for me either. Met DH when I joined a choir but prior to that had only ever had one serious boyfriend.

I met the love of my life when I was 44 through online dating - 6 years together and married now; I hadn't had a serious relationship before then, I thought I was a freaker who would never meet anyone. I have never been happier.

Almost like it’s a foreign language I can’t learn

The best way to learn a language is to immerse yourself in it, isn't it? So how about looking at your weekly schedule and seeing how much spare time you have to socialise. Then try and fill it, e.g. night classes (it doesn't matter what in, literally anything), going places e.g. exhibitions that look good, meet ups for either sex e.g. join a theatre group and go to the theatre with them, really immerse yourself so you are busy and when you meet someone who's nice you won't worry because the whole socialising thing isn't a problem anymore, and if you don't meet anyone then that's still perfectly ok but hopefully you won't feel as lonely as you do now.

That’s really good advice for things to do but meeting someone isn’t the same thing.

But doing things is how you meet people. I don't think it matters if it's men or women, women have single friends or relatives, it's just getting out there that's needed.

You're not going to meet anyone unless you put yourself out there to meet people.
IAmRubbishAtDIT has given you some excellent advice.

Yes and they’ve all been tried before! I think I just must repel the opposite sex to be honest

That’s really good advice for things to do but meeting someone isn’t the same thing.

I met my partner at a martial arts club. I'd never contemplated joining before and a couple of things led to me randomly deciding to have a go at it. I'd had one serious relationship previously but had been single for 12 years. He had never lived with anyone before or had a long term relationship. We're both 39.

Just keep putting yourself out there and see what happens. Either way, you might enjoy yourself in the process!