Ladies (possibly gay or straight ) aibu to ask this woman out?

[nataliebat]

She's gay and I'm straight (as in I have found women attractive but never acted on it )
Anyway I really actually fancy her like more than I've fancied anybody in years !!!
She thinks I'm straight ...do I dare tell her?
What would your reaction be as a gay woman thinking I'm straight ? Would you be turned off or flattered etc etc
I'm nervous but whatever I really like her.

If you're straight then absolutely don't ask her out. If you think you might not be straight then absolutely do.

By the way, if you're attracted to women, you're not straight.

I've had relationships with men and women. It's not really very different at all.

I’m reading this thread with real interest and hope you don’t mind my asking a question. I’m sorry to butt into your thread @nataliebat butt I think the MNetters who have responded might be able to say something that might make me feel better.

My heterosexual marriage was to the only person I had any sort meaningful long-term relationship with. We met when we were young-ish and were together for more than a decade. I have never thought of myself as particularly straight but had made peace in my mind with never being with a woman because fidelity was one of the cornerstones of my relationship, something so important to both of us.

Now I am facing being single for the first time in my adult life. As a teenager I didn’t have much in the way of crushes nor intense friendships though I had lots of friends. Right now it’s as if my hormones have gone into overdrive and I am getting crushes on all sorts of people of both genders. Is this normal? I’ve never experienced a breakup really and these feelings are a bit of a shock - we’re not even divorced yet! I guess there’s a few things going on here including my sexual orientation and feeling free to flirt for the first time (my husband was piercingly jealous of my emotional intimacy with people who weren’t him and it’s freeing not to have that in the back of my mind.)

That wasn’t even a question was it? I just feel overwhelmed that’s all, some of the crushes are on people who are in relationships or otherwise off-limits and I wouldn’t act on them but feel somehow guilty for having these feelings at all still on some level maybe.

good luck op let us know how you get on

I do deffo like her,whether or not it could be more I don't know.
Do you not think if she did "fancy me" she would have told our mutual friend?
Me and my mutual friend are like sisters ..wouldn't that have made sense?

I agree ...I'm starting to think I'm deffo not 100% straight ha ha

No I don't think she would mention it because she thinks your straight, therefore uninterested.

She wouldn't mention it in the same way that you wouldn't if you had a crush on a person who was married, you don't mention the people who are not available because it's pointless and then your left with your emotions out there with no chance of reciprocation but the possibility of embarrassment that the "unobtainable" person finds out!

erinaceus
It might be worth you starting your own thread but il answer anyway

Very simply put don't worry about all these new feelings or crushes. It's perfectly natural to have feelings for others especially when you consider that for many years that part of yourself was shutdown or at least channeled into one person! Feel how you feel and enjoy it and when your ready dip your toe into the dating world again.

It is absolutely fine to have feelings for or sleep etc with whoever you want (male or female) if your single, as long as your ok with doing so and the person your doing it with is not attached.

Just a little warning though protect your feelings because with online and app dating these days there's a lot of chancers about and I wouldn't want you getting duped by someone unscrupulous before your back on your feet.

Thanks @Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom for the reassurance which was exactly what I needed. You hit the nail on the head with the idea that that part of me was shut down. With the security of being married, any attractions I had to others were fleeting and somehow irrelevant.

Thanks for the warning about protecting my feelings. It'll be a while before I do online dating, I feel safer for having decided for myself that I choose not to actively look for any new experiences or relationships until the divorce is final which will be next year. I am oddly traditional on this issue, although technically an affair with a same-sex partner does not constitute adultery so I have a get-out clause if the opportunity does present itself .

How about messaging her along the lines of ‘can I ask you two questions? Would you ever go on a date with someone who wasn’t sure if she was gay? And second question ... would you like to go for a drink with me?’

What are you waiting for girl? Put on your best dress and be flirty with her

I've been following quietly, but I neeeeed to know - did you ask her out yet?

Like you I’d love to know what if anything happened

Didn't have the courage to say anything
So I'm resigned to crushing from afar forever (get violins out )

Noooo
I was with my ex husband for > 10 years. Dated 2 women after and now been with the 3rd for 3 years.
You have to do this!
Life is too short blah blah

Women are so emotionally in tune...she may even already sense it

I thought by now I would have got her out of my system grrrrrr

I've been crushing on an older woman for a while now... from afar also.

Social media, ask her today! Please!