Ladies (possibly gay or straight ) aibu to ask this woman out?

[nataliebat]

She's gay and I'm straight (as in I have found women attractive but never acted on it )
Anyway I really actually fancy her like more than I've fancied anybody in years !!!
She thinks I'm straight ...do I dare tell her?
What would your reaction be as a gay woman thinking I'm straight ? Would you be turned off or flattered etc etc
I'm nervous but whatever I really like her.

We're all on a spectrum, imho.

'i am straight but really fancy this woman!' = sweetie you're at least bicurious. No one is 100% straight, we all have people we'd find irresistible.

Don't get hung up on her gender or what it means to be her 'first' because it will make it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. Like her, treat her as a human being worthy of respect, and treat your feelings around her the same way (ie don't fetishise the lesbian aspect, few things are more off-putting as it seems really insincere).

Yeah I understand.
I think it's just strange for me as It's all new so to speak.
I really fancy her and I don't know why.

Say that then that you are attracted to her but have never been attracted to a woman before. Are you sure it's sexual and not just fondness? You need to be sure as you risk losing a friend and messing with her feelings. If yr sure go for it the worst is she'll say no and it'll be a little awkward for a while.

If you don't ask you'll never know. I think you should. By the way, if you are attracted to women then you're not straight. It's who you're attracted to, not who you date, that defines your sexuality.

Message her. Be honest. Not too serious though! You’re still only talking about a first date. Would you rather say it on a text than in person / on the phone? I can’t see anywhere how you know her. Will you have to see her all the time, how will you feel if she says no. They’re questions to ask yourself to be a bit prepared. Good luck!

First of all ask yourself 'would I be happy/comfortable/proud introducing her to my friends and family as my girlfriend'

If the answer is 'yes' then ask her out, the worst that could happen is she says no thanks

Go for it, what have you got to lose? You could go on a date with a man and realise that he wasn’t for you.

Hilariously, this is the ad at the bottom of the page for me.

I wouldn't text. Why can't you just talk to her the way you have here and see what she thinks? Ask to meet for coffee or something. Are you sure you want a relationship? It wouldn't be very nice to go there and then lead her on. I've got a really good friend who is a lesbian and this has happened to her a few times and now she won't date anyone who isn't what she calls an 'established lesbian'.

For the last two years I've never fancied a man.
I've forced myself to try and date and have been on around 8 dates and nothing.
One guy I was seeing him for 3 months and I couldn't bring myself to sleep with him (I did a couple of times and hated it )
I've fancied her over a year now,I actually like her as a person too.
So it's not just a passing notion so to speak.
She's really fun and I look at her and could imagine kissing her etc (sorry for tmi ) she did ask me to join her and her friends for a night out last year but stupidly I didn't.
Nerves /panic etc.

Also she was asking questions about me,things I enjoy and she was telling me how she's single and thinks she will never meet anyone.
I don't know if that's her just being friendly tho

I'm gay and so are most of my friends. We have strictly follow a 'straight girls are friends not food' rule. I would definitely tell her, but don't expect her to not be hesitant!

But if you never say it you'll never know!

Ha ha straight girls are friends not food.
I hope she doesn't think that.
She has also dated men (she has 2 kids ) but this was 15 years ago now.
When I'm around her I get so panicky and sweat.

Okay, so do you see her as girlfriend material? If she says no, are you attracted to other women? It's tricky, one of DH's good friends is what DH always called 'situationally bi-sexual', basically, the man grew up in a rough council estate where, in the 90s, it would have been been trouble for him to come out as gay. He did marry, she knew he had sex with men, too, and had two kids who are both teens now. But he is gay and now divorced and in a gay relationship.

I think you'd do well to talk to her, though.

I do yeah.
I've actually thought about it.
It's a strange one with me because I've only ever had 2 boyfriends in thirty odd year and the longest only 5 months,it just never felt like it was gonna last.
With one of the men i only really fancied him drunk.

Ask her out and update us 😘

I was you 3years ago. We now live together and l have never been happier. Just ask her out. My girlfriend was concerned about dating a straight woman. But l think if l am honest l have never really been straight. Just did the marriage kids things as l couldn't see another option.

It sounds like you have given it a lot of thought, so just ask her out and see what happens.

Thanks for your encouragement ha ha
I have zero to loose and Il regret it otherwise
It's quite exciting 

Let us know how it goes natalie

Not all the details obvs but just if she says yet

Good luck. I think you should tell her how you feel.

Can you speak frankly with her? If so, I would probably bring up the conversation of sexuality and just casually slip in how you've been questioning your own for a while now.

As a bisexual woman, if I found out that a straight woman (or any woman) was attracted to me I would be flattered. It wouldn't put me off since we all have to begin somewhere.

Keep in mind that even though you do like her and don't want her to be turned off by that you've never been with women before, don't feel pressured into doing things that you might be uncomfortable with. Take it all at your own pace.

Just do it, at the very least she'll be flattered and at the best you will have a lovely time. As PP have said she may be hesitant to start.
But also as PP have said, if you fancy a girl, you're not straight....sorry about it

I'm always happy when someone fancy me even if it's not reciprocated but it would be nice if she liked me too.


I have to say, reading what you've posted it sounds far more like a gay woman who's been living a straight life, than a straight woman with some weird quirky desire for a woman.

Not sure if it's relevant, but I'm a bi woman who's been in a hetero relationship for 14 years but I still see myself as bi. The life you're living means less than the thoughts you have ;)

Ive been wanting to say to my two close friends how I'm feeling but I'm embarrassed and I don't know why.
I'm worried they will change towards me if they know i fancy a woman (stupid I know )