Ladies (possibly gay or straight ) aibu to ask this woman out?

[nataliebat]

She's gay and I'm straight (as in I have found women attractive but never acted on it )
Anyway I really actually fancy her like more than I've fancied anybody in years !!!
She thinks I'm straight ...do I dare tell her?
What would your reaction be as a gay woman thinking I'm straight ? Would you be turned off or flattered etc etc
I'm nervous but whatever I really like her.

I'm lesbian and love butch lesbians. From what you've wrote i say go for it!

To be honest it sounds like your probably gay but haven't come out or at least never properly thought about where your desires lie.

Unless Iv missed a bit which Iv been known to you have had 3 short term relationships with men (assume single in between) but you've never really had any real sexual interest in any of them but you have slept with them but probably (reading between the lines) because you thought it was expected of you rather than because you were really interested in doing so.

Life is short, way too short to not grab happiness where you can (as long as your not hurting others) or to share your life with someone you don't really love.

Go for it, the worst that can happen is she's not interested but that doesn't mean there's not someone for you.

@Inthetropics would you be put off at all ?

All the lesbians I’ve known have at least had a boyfriend at some point - not because they aren’t lesbians, but because in a heterosexual society, they felt pressure to conform and were in denial. My bisexual ex-neighbour first went out with her GF when she was 40 and had 2 teenage kids.

I’m sure she won’t think you’re daft, you say yourself she has kids from a relationship with a man, so even if she doesn’t feel the same I’m sure she’ll take you seriously.

I did just sleep with them because it was kind of what was expected.
Sleeping with them was what I avoided and hated.
Maybe that's not normal I don't know.
All I know is at the minute I'm ridiculously attracted to this woman.

Have you messaged her yet?

One huge thing to come from this whether she is interested or not, you know how you really feel which is great.

No not yet ...i keep trying to write the best message.

Message her! Go for it!

Just finished reading through your thread OP, can't wait to hear what she says! You sound so lovely and from what you've said it sounds like she may be interested in you!

How do you know her OP if it isn't outing?

Met her through work.

I'm sorry I hope my comments weren't upsetting, I meant them to be supportive! There is no normal, as long as your happy and comfortable then that is your normal, you shouldn't ever have to feel like you "should" have sex with someone!

All I meant was, you shouldn't ever have to force yourself. When you fancy someone and are attracted to them then those feelings should naturally be there of course you might be nervous but as you are describing with this woman it's also exciting too! Up to now it sounds like you've been dreading that side of a relationship and that's no way to live! It's not fair to yourself!

Iv got all my fingers crossed for you nat!

I'm bi although Iv been in a heterosexual relationship for 15 years I'm not really attracted to men in general, if watching tv or in the street etc its women who catch my attention (if at all) but I'm immensely attracted to my dp. Even in periods when I have no interest in sex at all, it's not him it's anyone. The likelihood is if I ended up single then my next relationship would be with a woman which will surprise and confuse probably because like most bisexual people if they are with the opposite sex long term they are seen very much as straight by most people and even if you don't hide it it's not seen or I suppose relevant to most people.

@nataliebat Put off by what? Sorry, i don't understand!

If you're asking me if i'd be put off by another woman asking me out, no i wouldn't! Most women would be very flattered even if they are not interested in you in that way. If she's asked you out before i say your chances of her being receptive are pretty good!

Bloody hell! Stop fannying about!
Do not text her and say “I fancy you in a subtle way” !😳
Can’t you simply ask her out for a drink or supper?

Do you fancy catching a coffee/beer on name day for an hour or so for a chat?
You don't have to ask for a date do you?
What would I know? good luck

No of course not upsetting at all.
No I was just wondering if it would put you off never been with another woman before ?

My wife - who had previously been with a number of women and presented with a more masculine identity, rather like the woman you want to ask out - was extremely interested in me, who had never been with a woman before. This troubled her not a jot and we have been together for 12 years now.

just ask

What does she think you are asking her out for? Cinema? Meal? Just a straight girl's night? You say you've asked her out but does she think it's a date proper or just a friendly evening out? She might be as confused as you are.

Oh it's tricky isn’t it i do sometimes miss that flirty butterflies stage though! I have to say, as a bi woman, that it sounds like you’re at least bisexual - from what you’ve written, I fancy men far more than you do, and I’m definitely bi!

Obviously you are not straight

@nataliebat It would upset me if she was flirting with me just out of curiosity. This can be hurtful and make a woman who is looking for a rekationship waste her time if you're not straightforward with her. It is not your situation, though! In my past i've been hurt by a woman who was curious about lesbian sex and treated me like a mean to fulfill a fantasy she had. That is not ok!

But if someone approaches me and is inexperient by is being sincere, than that's fine!

Sorry, there were a few mistakes. My english is not that good!

I know this may come as a surprise, but I'm fairly certain you aren't straight 🤗 Good luck OP