To make DD take a bag

[Nyx]

DD is 12, when she goes out she carries keys, inhaler, phone and whatever money she has. Often she goes out in a hoodie, so not even decent jacket pockets for this stuff. Phone screens have been smashed more than once, keys lost, money lost.

I've more or less forced her to put her money in a purse. We're supposed to be going out just now to get blinds and a new light shade and duvet cover for her bedroom. She's chosen what she wants online and is looking forward to getting them.

I've asked her to go and get a bag to put her purse and stuff in, as opposed to shoving them in her pocket as usual. She's refusing. I don't care if it's a rucksack, a shoulder bag or a flipping plastic bag, she has plenty of choice. I've told her we're not going to buy this stuff unless she uses a bag. She's refusing. Looks like she's going to stick with the old curtain and bent curtain rail in her room then.

AIBU?

If she hadn’t lost and broken more than one item I’d say YABU. But she has. So she clearly can’t be trusted to look after stuff.

I’d put it in a sandwich bag and she can stuff that into her hoodie pocket.

YNBU. I had similar with DD. I think they're naive at that age. Don't really understand the risks of being robbed if stuff is easily accessible - or losing it...

As long as she is taking responsibility for paying for replacements then leave her to it

As long as she is taking responsibility for paying for replacements then leave her to it

She's 12? What 12 year old has money to replace phone screens that doesn't come from their parent's pay packet?

How about something like this - which isn't too 'girlie'. www.amazon.co.uk/Zenwow-Drawstring-Waterproof-Swimming-Backpack/dp/B06XCFH47B/ref=cts_sp_3_vtp?tag=mumsnetforum-21

My DD 25 doesn’t always use a bag, she’s lost/broken numerous phones, lost driving licences and bank cards. Currently she’s just replaced her bank card after a holiday last week, and just reappplied for her licence having lost that earlier in the summer. She won’t listen, don’t know why as it’s inconvenient, time consuming and costly to replace these things.

If I was going out with my DD though I’d put her stuff in my bag though that’s not that often these days. So YANBU however she will learn the hard way unfortunately.

If she breaks her phone again, refuse to fix it until she gets a bag!

Thanks Tabitha, she has one similar to that.

She either needs a bag or clothes with decent pockets, which are hard to find for women and girls and almost certainly not the type of clothes she wants to wear.

It seems that lots of younger women don't carry bags, which is fair enough, but they then either lose stuff - how many phones have fallen out of or been stolen from the back pockets of jeans - or they expect other people to carry their shit around for them.

I went on a group holiday where most of us were 40s to 60s, but there was a young woman in the group who didn't use a handbag and it turned out at one point that 4 of us had her tampons in our bags.

Meandyou - she wants me to put her stuff in my bag for this trip. I'm putting my foot down, I'm tired of her not taking responsibility for her stuff.

Thanks everyone, she has given in and we are on the bus to the shop now. She's using a small bag. I can see us having this argument again...I do normally pick my battles but this is one I'm choosing to fight!

I have a DD18 as well, and she doesn’t regularly use a bag either but so far hasn’t lost or broken anything. So sometimes you get lucky! I think 12 is a bit young to insist on this, they’ll either learn or they won’t, but I wouldn’t pay for anything lost or broken. I would just put the stuff in my bag, I don’t think I carried a bag around at 12.

I carried a bag when I was 12 if I had money and/or keys with me. It's all very well saying don't fix or replace stuff that gets lost or broken but keys need to be replaced and I would be uncomfortable if she couldn't get hold of us on her phone.

She needs hoodies with pockets with zips.

If she doesn't want to carry a handbag around (and I perfectly understand that), suggest she sews zips on her pockets. Then she's got choices; she can change her lifestyle by getting a bag, or adapt her clothing to fit her lifestyle.

I've just stopped carrying a bag and put everything in my pockets. It is so liberating.

Handbags (of any description) are sexist shcakles and I will not be encouraging my DD to use one. Instead, campaign for better pockets in girls and women's clothing.

I have a young friend, who in late teens thought it was cool to walk round London holding just her purse in her hand. Eek.

I never have any problems finding womens clothes with pockets, my £10 asda jeans have lovely deep ones. As does my coat, hoodies etc.

Op, id keep pushing the bag. In the meantime make her buy a decent phone case with gorilla glass and put some sticky back velcro inside her pocket on her hoodie. Ive done this on a.couple of mine if im going out for a walk and dont want to take a bag. Keeps my bank card / cash / mobile safe. If she carries it on then a £10 nokia may cure her.

I don't get the argument that having a bag prevents you losing things? Bags get lost/stolen/left behind and then you've lost multiple items in one go. I think the more logical move is for girls/women's clothes to be made with sufficient and deep enough pockets to safely carry stuff about. I always have my keys in a deep pocket, that way if I lose my bag (if I have one with me) I can still get back into my home. I live alone so that is very important.

I was going to suggest clothes with better pockets. If dd was a ds would you insist they take a bag?

overagain. here here. :)

Handbags are not sexist shackles. That is bollocks. Even more so because a good majority of men and boys carry bags these days

Handbags are handy vessels to haul around the various shite I choose to carry round with me.

I find a bag more convenient. It's easier just to pick a bag up containing everything I need when I leave the house, than having to pick up keys, phone, purse, tissues, tampons, shopping list, etc etc etc and find pocket room for them.

And much tidier in the house too. People who carry things in their pockets tend to unpack all these items onto the nearest flat surface every time they come home. And I'm not sure I want baggy clothes with room for pockets or a lumpy sillouette due to pockets stuffed with stuff.

Good lord. Bags are not sexist -- they are sensible! Good luck keeping sandwiches, fruit and bottles of water in your pockets, ladies.

On another note (and apologies this is not the subject of this thread), phone at 12? Mine are only 7, so don't know what I will feel like by then, but it sounds awfully early.

Not sexist at all:
www.gq-magazine.co.uk/gallery/history-of-the-man-bag

Now that you've mentioned it, I've realised lots of teenagers don't use handbags. They seem to just carry their wallets in their hands! Small backpacks seem to be in at the moment, would she wear one of then?