To make DD take a bag

[Nyx]

DD is 12, when she goes out she carries keys, inhaler, phone and whatever money she has. Often she goes out in a hoodie, so not even decent jacket pockets for this stuff. Phone screens have been smashed more than once, keys lost, money lost.

I've more or less forced her to put her money in a purse. We're supposed to be going out just now to get blinds and a new light shade and duvet cover for her bedroom. She's chosen what she wants online and is looking forward to getting them.

I've asked her to go and get a bag to put her purse and stuff in, as opposed to shoving them in her pocket as usual. She's refusing. I don't care if it's a rucksack, a shoulder bag or a flipping plastic bag, she has plenty of choice. I've told her we're not going to buy this stuff unless she uses a bag. She's refusing. Looks like she's going to stick with the old curtain and bent curtain rail in her room then.

AIBU?

I'm 30.. it's very rare I carry a bag if I'm out without needing to take a changing bag.

It's just an annoyance. Does she have covers on her phone to stop the screens smashing.

You sound like my mum and I’m in my mid 30s.
I hate carrying a bag, so I walk around holding my purse and keys with my phone in my back pocket.
If I’m pushing a buggy I’ll stick them in the buggy hood, sometimes I’ll put some bits in the toddlers rucksack.
But I hate hate hate carrying a bag around.
Or wearing a coat!

Put a temperate glass screen protector on the phone. It's cheap and easy to install and still a good idea even if you do use a bag. Money should go a wallet. I second the putting zips on pockets. This way she can sort of eat her cake and have it too.

She either has to wear clothes with sensible pockets, or carry a bag. i usually have keys, wallet etc in my pockets (yes, i‘m female), my husband on tbe other side uses a small bag as he doesn’t like full pockets. bags are not sexist at all, and practical but smart women’s clothes exist (

I wouldn't pay for a new phone screen more than once. The rest? If she loses sttuff it's lost hard luck.

However, I spent most of my early 30s not using a bag but stuffing things in pockets. I often wish I could still do that.

DD, 19, does use bags now depending upon how much she's taking, so if purse, phone, keys, brush..... then she uses a bag, if just phone and purse she doesn't. We do have a keysafe near the front door so she only needs her own key when it's spider season though!

What about something like this...
www.amazon.co.uk/ISIYINER-Waterproof-Earphone-Climbing-Travelling/dp/B06XPTN4HR/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?ref=plSrch&keywords=small+bum+bag&dpPl=1&dpID=41Px42Ck9nL&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1539950531&sr=8-3
My niece (13) has one from primark she wears it under her jumper so it’s hidden but everything is together and safe.

Would you make a son carry a bag? He'd also have phone, keys, money

I dint know. I have two teen ds. If we go out and they are carrying more than their phone, they take a bag.
Since when a bag is sexist?
And why in earth wouldnt you want a bag when you clearly have too many things to put in your pockets/hands

OP If you want to win that battle, you’ll have to insist on it every single time.

Xpost Mrsstrowman
As above. Yes my two teens ds do carry a bag with them. Usually a small rucksack.

God, I hated when my Mum obsessed over this when I was that age. I detested carrying a bag at that age, I felt like a little girl dressed up like a middle aged woman. If you can chuck her phone in your bag, what's the big deal?

@MyBrexitIsIll this isn't about carrying or not carrying a bag, some girls do/don't, some boys do/don't. I was questioning OP as to whether she would refuse to go out with a son unless he carried a bag. It seems unlikely.

I'm in my 50s, I still don't carry a bag unless I absolutely have to :o

I am however responsible for my own things and I make sure I have decent pockets.

It's a tough one tbh, in theory a bag is what she would have and use but I can see that she wouldn't be keen. If she is with you then solution is that she surrenders her stuff to you, out with friends then she either needs to take nothing with her or store it appropriately. Zip pockets is a good idea.

I hate carrying a bag and void if I can, if I have to take one I use a rucksack/handbag hybrid style one I bought. Will she use a rucksack?

I use a handbag for work, etc but when I go out for walks or to pick my DD up then I just take my phone with a £20 note inside the case so that if there's an emergency I can still pay. The phone and keys go in my pocket. Can't be bothered with a bag then - I can never find anything in it anyway!

I agree with Mrs Strowman. I don't think the OP would have insisted a boy carried a bag either. But I strongly suspect a boy's clothes would have more and deeper pockets to keep things safe in.

Would a bum bag be an option?

I have boys, if they have a lot of stuff then they'll take a rucksack, otherwise they shove things in their pockets. They are however large adult sized and therefore they have larger pockets and also being men's clothes, they are better equipped for carrying stuff anyway.

I aspire to be like the Young People and just go out with my phone and lip gloss . However, I've always been a bag person.

I read some advice years ago that keys should never go in bags, but in pockets. That way if someone steals your bag they don't have information that identifies you and also your house keys. And you're not locked out of home, obviously. But then I usually do wear things with pockets...

Agree that men/boys clothes are usually better accommodating of pockets. It's probably also the case that most girls/women wouldn't want to wear the style of clothes with space for pockets - baggy jeans/cargo pants etc.

Although if she is a hoody wearer, a good solution would be a zip up hoody with internal deep or even zip up pockets - plenty of room for a small amount of essential bits and pieces.

But I wouldn't be filling my bag with her stuff. This is something she needs to deal with by herself.

Suzyloo - exactly. Why would anyone put keys in the same place as purse/wallet?. It is completely bonkers. Asking to be burgled. Always keep keys on your person.

It's nothing to do with sexism. She wears leggings, so no jeans pockets. Yes, I would insist a DS take a bag/rucksack if his pockets weren't sufficient. She wears a rucksack as a schoolbag but won't go out and about with one. Thanks everyone.

I could be your DD 😂

Thankfully having a baby means I always have a rucksack on hand now!

Handbags (of any description) are sexist shackles and I will not be encouraging my DD to use one. Instead, campaign for better pockets in girls and women's clothing.

This is all very well but after 20 years of DP saying "why do you need to take your bag with you when we are going for a walk" etc. Then 20 mins later, "can you put my car keys and wallet in your bag". .

Also my ds and dp always get holes in the pockets of their jeans where sharp keys have dug through them over time.

My DS now carries a small rucksack and so does DD.

My dp can never find his keys because he takes them out of his pocket and puts them down wherever he is because they poke into his leg all the time (if I refuse to put them in my bag).

I maintain that men or boys also need some sort of bags these days too.One of my teenage sons is constantly loosing his stuff, wallet, keys , water bottles and clothing items especially in summer when they don't have jacket pockets. The mobile survives because that is always in his hand.Everything stuffed into pockets looks terrible imo.

So bags are now on the list of 'sexist shackles'.This is all getting quite boring

Get her a nice across the body bag.