Was DH's GP BU?

[DialsMavis]

After quite a lot of discussion and research for years (DC are 15 & 8) DH had a GP appointment today to request a vasectomy refferal.

Thr GP agreed but said that DH should really consider asking me to look into getting the coil instead first.

DH is happy to get the snip as he agrees that I have done more than my fair share of the family planning for my entire adult life.

Was the GP U to bring this up?

Ask your GP how many men go back to their surgery and say " I had the snip x years ago, I want to have it reversed now"

My GP said to me "If your DH suggests a Vasectomy , send him to me and I'll talk him out of it" not because it was all my responsibilty but because he's seen the other side.

(And yes , I still believe if someone wants a reversal they go private . I had an 'interesting' conversation with PIL who thought this was grossly unfair )

My dh got his vasectomy 10 years ago and I had to attend to check that it wouldn't be easier for me to have the coil and to check that a vasectomy was what we wanted. Then he was referred for it.

Ds was 5 when he had it and we were able to explain how we were happy it had taken 5 years to make the decision.

As it is I have had surgery which the coil was often hammered as an alternative. And I had to fight for not having a coil.

What a sexist GP. However, maybe if you yourself had gone in to ask to be sterilised, the GP might have sent you home to re-consider as well.
Just say you and your DP split up. If your DP wanted a kid with someone else an IVF clinic could extract the sperm and do it that way, without reversing the vasectomy.

The Dr WNBU

The GP wasn't listening to his patient so yes he was being unreasonable. He also made a medical suggestion about you when you weren't even there and he knows nothing about you. Ridiculous and imo there is some sexism at play.

My guess is money was the motivator here. Vasectomies are relatively expensive and I bet your CCG has instructed GPs to try to find alternatives whenever possible.

Suggestion by GP wasn't unreasonable. Just politely pursue the option you perfer. No drama required.

DialsMavis Fri 19-Oct-18 10:40:08
This is true and we have discussed all options for ages (hence the 8 year wait).

I guess I am looking to much into things and imagining a male conspiracy discussing invasive procedures for me behind my back rather than the GP listening to the wishes of a 43 year old father of 2 about his own body.

It's more likely down to costs. The NHS is stretched to fuck so a method that doesn't require surgery makes the most sense at the moment.

Unless you want to go private, of course?

I'm often asked if we get paid incentives for fitting coils. We get paid for the time taken to fit them but there's no target where they give us extra money or anything.
In truth, almost all my GP and gynaecologist friends have a coil, usually Mirena. I am pregnant but have asked to have one fitted at my section. We promote them because we think they are a good option, that's all. Of course some people have problems with them - but many more don't.

It's totally normal to discuss other options for contraception when requesting a surgical option, not sexist, just thorough. Would be wrong for them to say you HAVE to Try a coil or they won't refer. But totally ok to make sure you've thought of and discussed all the options.

I'd be fuming.

They did the same to DH. He was told to talk to me again about coils and implants. Dh said I had used the coil before and a) didn't like the hormones and b ) got pregnant with it in 😂 and as such, he wanted a vasectomy.

Gp said to talk to me again, and he wouldn't refer there and then so he could talk to me. Dh was fed up as he had taken time off work for the appt and now has to do the whole bloody thing again.

cantchoose That is interesting as I have heard so many women complain about the side effects of coils and say the GP dismisses them when they try to raise this.

Vasectomies are reversible.

And how successful are they?

abacucat the people who have them fitted and have no problems with them pretty much forget they're there and so never talk about them with anyone.
Those who have problems are more likely to tell you about them, or open this thread for example. Of course they're not risk / side effect free, but nothing is (apart from abstinence I suppose but most of my patients are less than impressed with this option )

Yes I understand they won't talk about them. I just hear more complaints about the Mirena coil than other forms of contraception.

DH got asked that too which miffed him as he'd already told them that he wanted it because I'd had an endometrial ablation and getting pregnant again could be dangerous. Sometimes I think they try to run through a checklist without thinking and that checklist includes making sure all the female contraception is considered first.

He was also asked if I was ok with it. He said yes but added that I wouldn't like it if he told me what to do with my body.

After my GP had referred me for sterilisation, I was asked at the first hospital appointment about it whether my husband had considered vasectomy. I imagine if he'd requested one, he would have been asked whether I'd considered a form of LARC (in which case he would have been able to say yes, and she isn't tolerating it). It seems reasonable enough to me that they ask- I'd be pissed off it it went beyond that though.

Isn't the Mirena hormonal?

The mirena is but he copper coil isn't. Both are commonly called a coil.

Maybe the check that all the options have been considered isn't that misplaced after all

The Mirena is the coil that my GP always suggests.

If you'd already discussed all the options then why didn't your dp say "yes, we've discussed the coil, but ......."?

I can't think of any reason why he wouldn't say something along those lines, unless you hadn't discussed the coil and rejected it or your dh isn't fully on board.

I think the big thing that's missing here is comments from men who've had vasectomys.

It was something me & my husband were considering. He works in the NHS and mentioned it at work. There were 3 of his male colleagues who approached him privately about it - they'd had it done and had a range of pretty major problems as a result (and I mean the sort of problem that make most people's coil complaints look like a holiday).

The GP was right to check that you've both considered different options first. If it's what you both want he can go back again.

The coil fantastic IMO - I have the hormonal one; almost no periods (though you can still feel your cycle - so it's not weird); it is extremely reliable contraception, only needs replacing every 5 years. Since the vasectomy is an operation, it is bound to cost the NHS more - but what's wrong with taking that into consideration? I thought we were all supposed to be conscious of pressures on the NHS, and if we can make decisions to alleviate that - why not? The GP was not BU at all - they are doing their job.

The GP was being unreasonable but I’m not surprised

I’ve been trying to get sterilised for 5 years. I can’t because I’m single.

He's being unreasonable. Your body is none of his business and his patient was there to talk about his. About 10-15% of Mirena users experience very negative side effects. Men would never be expected to put up with such.

I did assume they meant Mirena as that is what they always seem to push (both to me and other women I know), perhaps he meant copper... Who knows? As Dr was discussing me getting a procedure with my DH rather than with me I can't be 100% sure.

DH did say that yes we were happy with our decision, so it is no big deal really.

Its really interesting reading others perspectives on this as my natural reaction was to be a bit miffed and think it sexism. That is the whole reason I posted in the first place, to see if my initial reaction was valid.

I won't feel guilty about using NHS resources, we don't cost them much at all.
A prescription for DD and dentist for both DC.

I don't want to do anything else to my body in the name of having or not having DC, it has been through enough.

We did think that DH medical cover would cover it, but it doesn't.... His employer hates him taking time off for sick chikdren or childcare so it was definitely worth a shot!