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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was DH's GP BU?

88 replies

DialsMavis · 19/10/2018 10:33

After quite a lot of discussion and research for years (DC are 15 & 8) DH had a GP appointment today to request a vasectomy refferal.

Thr GP agreed but said that DH should really consider asking me to look into getting the coil instead first.

DH is happy to get the snip as he agrees that I have done more than my fair share of the family planning for my entire adult life.

Was the GP U to bring this up?

OP posts:
Original poster
DialsMavis · 19/10/2018 10:58

Isn't the Mirena hormonal?
Thats the one our surgery seems to think is the answer to all the worlds ills

OP posts:
CountessVonBoobs · 19/10/2018 10:58

And yes, a doctor wouldn't be doing his job if he didn't check that you had considered the other options which had less chance of doing harm to you as a couple (less risk of complications with coil, and no chance of you changing your mind and finding yourselves infertile if you did want another child). The NHS have had a lot of unhappy customers who swore blind that they would never ever consider another child, had sterilisation, and then rocked up wanting a reversal and were extremely unhappy to find it wasn't that easy.

Luxembourgmama · 19/10/2018 11:00

I think he's definitely sexist. If your DH asked about a vasectomy the coil option wasn't on the table and he should feck off.

CountessVonBoobs · 19/10/2018 11:01

Isn't the Mirena hormonal?

It is, but "the coil" usually signifies the plain copper IUD. Mirena is technically an IUS (intrauterine system): copper coil + locally administered hormones.

Original poster
DialsMavis · 19/10/2018 11:03

I hadnt actually thought about DH giving off a reluctant vibe.

Perfectly possible he has a rare and quite sever hangover today after a work thing last night so might have a look of the fear about him.

I will discuss it further wuth him tonight in case he is feeling rail roaded into it. It hanst seemed this way up to this point though.

He has lived with me when I have been taking hormonal contraception and he woukd never suggest I did so again Grin

OP posts:
BananaBonanza · 19/10/2018 11:03

As a 43 year old man your fertile years arent really behind you, esp if the initial relationship breaks down. The fact vasectomy reversal is even a thing suggests men who thought they knew change their minds.

The GP didn't refuse the referral, he just did right by the patient in front of him by checking an obvious alternative.

I think there was a statistic that for every pound you spend on contraception you save the NHS £10. The coil can't be forgotten used wrong and is effective. It's not surprising GPs recommend it.

diddl · 19/10/2018 11:05

" DH should really consider asking me to look into getting the coil instead first. "

How did the GP know that you hadn't?

Idk, I've read some absolute horror stories on here about having coils fitted!

mumsastudent · 19/10/2018 11:05

some people have to have surgery under general anaesthetic to have bloody coil removed because it gets stuck (says she with deep feeling)

overagain · 19/10/2018 11:08

IUDs are in and out in minutes. No comparison.

Actually, that is not always the case. I know several people who have had GA to remove the coil and months of issues with it. I don't know anyone who has had an issue with a vasectomy.

diddl · 19/10/2018 11:10

I think that the issue in this case is that alternatives tend to involve someone other than the patient iyswim.

Wonder how often it happens that a woan goes to talk about contraception & it's suggested that her husband think about a vasectomy?!

BananaBonanza · 19/10/2018 11:17

I am a walking coil horror story having had two non hormonal coils go walkabout one quite dramatically with much pain and bleeding. I'm not great with many hormonal contraception either.

I still wouldn't want any partner not to have all the options talked through at the vasectomy stage. Despite being absolutely certain my baby days are long time gone I'm not convinced of want to get sterilized, you never know when life throws a curve ball and previously sensible choices look foolish.

Even if we had made a decision that was right for us, I'd still absolutely want to know my Partner had made the decision that was right for him having talked through ALL options with an independent 3rd party.

Prettysureitsnotok · 19/10/2018 11:18

I have heard appalling horror stories about the coil. In fact of the 7 women I know who have tried them, they have all had them removed after significant problems.

The only even slightly appropriate way for the GP to bring this up would be to check whether you two HAD ALREADY considered the other options. Not just assume that you hadn't. And you're right, it's entirely inappropriate anyway for him to start discussing your health, when your DH has gone in to discuss his own.

It really, really irritates me how we are expected to treat balls as sacred beings which should never be meddled with, but women's hormones and entire bodies are essentially a playground for big pharma and negative side effects are so rarely addressed.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/10/2018 11:18

I'd say it's reasonable to ask if you had considered having the coil, but not reasonable to just assume that you should do that rather than your DH take responsibility for contraception.

pigeondujour · 19/10/2018 11:19

The only person whose treatment they should comment on is the patient in front of them imo - if for no other reason than that plenty of married people have sex with people that aren't their spouse. (Obviously I don't mean your husband, OP!)

ToadOfSadness · 19/10/2018 11:25

some people have to have surgery under general anaesthetic to have bloody coil removed because it gets stuck (says she with deep feeling)

And also, some people are unable to use any internal contraception because of their size or shape and the fact that their partner finds it painful regardless of the size of partner. (Voice of experience here, agony caused to all).

Sleephead1 · 19/10/2018 11:25

honestly I imagine it's probably a money thing I'm guessing having a coil fitted ( which lots of surgeries now have a doctor trained to do ) is cheaper than a vasectomy. It's probably just one of the things they are told to ask

StrongerThanIThought76 · 19/10/2018 11:33

My DP is booked in for a vasectomy very soon. We both have children (but not joint iykwim) who are almost 'grown up'. I spent many years on the pill, and had 2 mirena coils. Last one I developped complications with which disappeared within days of its removal.

Absolutely no questions asked about my situation by the GP, the procedure is being done in a private clinic on the NHS. The leaflet he received stated that it is considered a permanent procedure, and reversals are not offered on the NHS. The only thing we're worried about is that it states that 1/2000 men will go on to create a pregnancy post-op....

Chalkhillblu3 · 19/10/2018 11:35

GPs have protocols for what to do for almost everything now. Probably in a protocol to ask about non surgical options first.

thereallochnessmonster · 19/10/2018 11:36

Vasectomies are reversible.

No they're not, @antigon! They are intended to be permanent! But sometimes they can be reversed...

I wish people wouldn't post without knowing what they're talking about.

abacucat · 19/10/2018 11:37

The GP should check all alternatives have been explored and rejected, including condoms. To go straight to a coil is sexist.
And my GP pushes the Mirena coil as well. Do GPs get paid more money to insert these?

mumsastudent · 19/10/2018 11:41

chalkhillsblu3 first of all it is for someone other than the patient in front - men don't have coils! 2nd having a coil is invasive it is a procedure & there are/can be nasty effects -

Overstating · 19/10/2018 11:48

I'm waiting for tubal ligation. They explored all options with me and very definitely raised whether DH had considered vasectomy first. We had considered, I explained our thinking, they respected it and discussion moved on.

It's not always about 'just the patient in front of you'. Human beings are social animals and GPs more than most see the social side of 'medical' issues. Decisions about contraception have an impact on a partner when you're in a couple.

Choosausa · 19/10/2018 11:48

Mumsastudent.. Exactly! There's no way I'd have a coil fitted for that reason. Having been stitched and unpicked inside and out twice after births that's far more than I'd be willing to put up with. Definitely don't want to be opening my legs to have that fitted too. I doubt any man would go to the docs on a whim without first contemplating other options. It's all about the cost. But they do have to ask. But then they should be referred if the patient has said this is definitely what they want.

BananaBonanza · 19/10/2018 11:50

In fact that's a point.

I'm sure when I've been asked about my partners condom use when I've gone in to discuss contraception....

Original poster
DialsMavis · 19/10/2018 11:50

We had assumed we could go private on DHs work healthcare but it isnt covered.

Ive checked with DH and only coil was mentioned.

I think I may be u to think its a case of "let the woman take responsibility for not getting pregnant" but I think that IS what the Dr meant and DH also got that vibe.

But as others have said the Dr did only ask he didnt refuse.

Good point about infidelity!

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