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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fucking Christmas

70 replies

SantaIsATwat · 19/10/2018 10:00

I just can't face it this year.

I'm unemployed, we are skint. I have found work but wont see any wage until after Christmas. We can't borrow money and have little of value to sell.
DP is on an ok income but without my wage and no help from tax credits we have enough to scrape by and no more.

I can't be fucked getting my head round present buying and trying not to disappoint 11yo DC.

Finances aside, DP finds Christmas utterly depressing - he is in a horrible mood on the day and has made the past couple of Christmas mornings fucking dismal. Refuses to spend Christmas with my family and goes to his own family each year which has left me driving nearly 100 miles to fit everyone in on my own with DC (not DPs child).

I just cannot be arsed this year. I make the effort for DC but if it wasnt for them I'd probably just sleep until the day was over.

Does anyone else feel like this? I'm not usually such a scrooge but I just feel utterly defeated by the prospect of it all.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 19/10/2018 10:04

Well I'm not surprised - YOUR Christmas sounds utterly shit 

Is there anything you can change? I'm pretty interested why your asshole partner doesn't put a good face on for the children? That's pretty much the least someone can do for children

SweetHummingbird · 19/10/2018 10:06

I'm sorry I can't help with the financial troubles, with regards to your husband's attitude you deserve to have the Christmas you want and it's not fair for him to put a downer on the day for you. If you don't want to go to his family he ought to respect this especially as it seems you have done as he wishes for the last couple of years.

reallyreallynow · 19/10/2018 10:06

Oh god!

You sound utterly pissed off, try to put the problems into sections?

  1. Driving 100 miles when you're skint is ridiculous... this year change that?
  1. Is DP fed up because he feels he has to see his family? Change that?
  1. Use petrol money to help fund DC presents?
  1. Have a quiet one at home and just ring the family?
EthelHornsby · 19/10/2018 10:08

I think at 11 your DC is old enough to understand that money is tight this year and to modify their expectations. I would spend any available cash on a gift for them and having a good day at home, invite others to visit you rather than driving anywhere, and leave everyone else off the gift list.

HelmetHair1 · 19/10/2018 10:11

Aww OP, not surprised you're down, that sounds really difficult. And 11 is a tricky age in terms of expectations so I get the worry.

I think you should ditch travelling to see the family and just have your own nice day. Could you talk to your DC and say that money is really tight this year so there won't be much in the way of presents, but are there any things he would like to do to make the celebration feel more exciting? Like a family Christmas film night, certain food, making something together etc? That might help manage expectations and get him invested in making the celebration feel personal and fun for you?

rainbowlou · 19/10/2018 10:11

The day I contacted family and opted out of present buying for anyone other than my Children, and let them know we weren’t travelling on Christmas Day anymore was the day I started looking forward to it!
Let your H go to his family and have a lovely quiet day with your ds x

Snitzelvoncrumb · 19/10/2018 10:11

Why don't you sleep over at your parents Christmas eve, just you and your child? Leave dp at home. Relax enjoy the day and see your dp for dinner at your place.

Bluelady · 19/10/2018 10:11

You sound like me! If it came once every four years, like Leap Year, that would be plenty for me.

Maybe it's a good idea to start managing your daughter's expectations now so she isn't disappointed on the day. Could you and she do the build up together? Baking together could be really bonding. If your partner's so grumpy about the whole thing, I'd just factor him out of it.

OftenHangry · 19/10/2018 10:14

There was an idea in a tv recently, Money saving show I think and the mum made a jar for kids with 12 notes in it. Every note had some experience on it.
Cinema night, zoo, a day trip to an amusement park etc.
This way your kid could get something lovely, but you would be able to spend after your wages come in. It spreads the cost throughout the year too.

Agree with pp about not driving. Have people come to yours for a day. Putting on refreshments can be done cheaply but it can still be really tasty.

Dp... Is there a reason why he hates Christmas? Is it all the fuss and stress?

Nousernameforme · 19/10/2018 10:17

Can you do a bank switch and net some cash that way?
How about an evening job in a local bar or convience store? Not just for Christmas but as some extra cash for the next few months so it's not such a struggle.
Can you pack your dp off the night before to his family so you don't have to wake up to his mardy face.
Have a lovely Christmas with just you and dc. You don't have to do a big dinner just get their favorite in and a box of chocs. Maybe cut down a little on the shopping if possible and put something away each week mince pies chocs crackers etc.
Even at 11 they want your attention so to just spend the day together in pjs playing games watching crap and eating till you feel sick will be a great christmas to look back on

queenbeetofive · 19/10/2018 10:32

@SantaIsATwat love the username 😂

100% get you on this!

This year I'm dreading it too, I've gone as far as getting rid of all social media as seeing people all excited/shopping/talking about Xmas has really depressed me.

This year we've fallen on hard times (got into huge debt that we did not see coming) we have 5 dc ranging from 16-2 years old,dp works self employed and long hours and I'm a SAHM, we're not entitled to any financial help (last years earnings were higher than the previous years)

Atm we're just getting by (until works picks up for dp) 3 of our dc birthdays are between now and Xmas and I just don't see how we're going to afford Xmas this year 😞 it's all so overwhelming.

We'll do it but something will have to give, we're spending it at home this year so I haven't got to worry about putting a face on for family but I'm just not looking forward to it at all so I totally see where your coming from x

xMALICEx · 19/10/2018 10:40

I understand exactly what you are saying.
Both my children were born in December (13th and 24th) so it's always that little more expensive around the festive times. This year has been a struggle for me, but I have been saving what I can no matter how small it is. My children had a choice this year, a little get away and some small(ish) gifts or more gifts and no little get away. They chose the first so that makes it a little easier I guess.

I do hope you manage to pull yourself out of the hole. Im not too excited about Christmas personally, never have but for my kids sake I shall pop on an xmas jumper and a smile!

BlardyBlar · 19/10/2018 10:41

Avoid your “D”P altogether. Can you stay over with your family? Would any of them help with presents?

Try to remove the things that are making it miserable. If your partner makes a fuss, then he’s an asshole!

CardinalCat · 19/10/2018 10:42

I would be leaving the miserable DP to his own devices and spending some quality time with my family and DC this year. Will your family be able to help with some presents for the DC? Do they know you have a cashflow problem? It seems to me that the option is to spend a fortune driving somewhere to have a miserable time with a miserable person, or use that petrol money to buy a gift for your DC, and let your own family look after you for once. Simples.

Justanothernameonthepage · 19/10/2018 10:42

Definitely talk to your dc. Tell them that you fancy a Christmas off this year, where you two stay home, get a take away and spend time the two of you. Or ask if would they rather visit family as normal.
If you can afford £20, split it between you and DC and one day, go shopping with the intention of finding the worst gift possible for each other.
And then tell him upfront that his real gift will be after payday.

Also look at food banks etc just in case you qualify and can save even a small amount towards something to look forward to

autumnbreeze25 · 19/10/2018 10:44

Why not:

Go and stay with your own family so you don't need to drive 100 miles and leave the day before. You can wake up and be cheerful and not be surrounded by dp's misery (is he always like this?)

You do not need to spend lots of money to make christmas magical. Google ideas for a cheaper way to do christmas and get your child one special present that he will love.

If you are staying with your family no doubt they will help make it lovely for you and ds.

You don't have a christmas problem op, you have a dp problem.

MsPavlichenko · 19/10/2018 10:45

Sounds like not only Christmas but your life in general would be better without your miserable DP. Maybe worth thinking about?

DarlingNikita · 19/10/2018 10:47

Why don't you sleep over at your parents Christmas eve, just you and your child? Leave dp at home. Relax enjoy the day and see your dp for dinner at your place.

I agree with this, if he can't put on a bit of a face for your DC.

I dislike Christmas too, for various reasons, and I do hear you. I'd like to be able to just ignore it but it's very hard.

bimbobaggins · 19/10/2018 10:49

My ex dp used to be like this at Christmas. He was a right misery guts who sucked the joy out of it , his family were the same. One of the first things I thought when we split was thank goodness I don’t need to have another Christmas with them.
Can your dh go and visit his family and you spend the day with your ds. Don’t buy Christmas presents for anyone else only your ds.
I’ve stopped exchanging gifts with most people apart from my parents and ds. It’s great. The amount of people I know who want to stop but no one wants to be the one to suggest it.

Original poster
SantaIsATwat · 19/10/2018 10:52

Sorry other people are feeling shit about it all too, and thanks to those who have given suggestions Flowers

Our family setup means that I'm the one who has to travel. I would be delighted if people came to us instead - I enjoy cooking and would gladly cater but parents have other family who stay with them over Christmas and there isn't room for them all to come to me in parents car. DC is very close to my and I don't think spending it with just me would hold the same magic.

If we were to stay at home, going by behaviour in the past DP would refuse to get up, open gifts etc. Last year he was an utter shit to me and only bothered to present me with a gift when I was ready to leave in tears. By the time I got back and went to his parents he acted like nothing had happened.

His parents stay a 5 min walk from us and I have thought about spending Christmas with them - I love them and if it wasn't for DC missing his biological grandparents this would be my go-to.

I'm applying for every job I can to start earning sooner but so far haven't had much luck. The job I have managed to secure is Xmas temping so can't make any long term plans based on that either.

God, I sound so defeatist, we have never been well off and I'll make it work somehow but its just shite having all the jolliness in your face for three months straight when you wish it was over already!

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 19/10/2018 10:52

Are your family comfortable financially? Would they be willing to buy your DC an extra Christmas present this year if you explain that you can't?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 19/10/2018 10:54

Not sure about your 11yo, but my 9yo just loves having 1-2-1 time with me. So I bought her some yarn and a crochet hook for her birthday and promised I'd teach her to crochet. We basically sat and did it (she's not great at it and we keep coming back to it) but just a few hours together, she was delighted with. Maybe you might be able to come up with a cheap gift + experience for your DC?

Alternatively move Christmas to January? Not only will the sales be on but it might be a welcome relief to the pressure of the 25th Dec. We actually have 3 Christmases because my family is one side of the country (having Christmas dinner with them in early Dec) and DH's family we're seeing for Christmas on the 27th Dec. Plus we also have Christmas Day at home, just the four of us. Just worth a thought maybe?

EK36 · 19/10/2018 10:56

Go to your parents for Xmas day to save petrol money and face time the in-laws.
Buy something for Xmas each week starting from now. It's better to spread the costs. That's what I do.
Tell everyone you're only buying for your child(ren) & not adults as you're on a very tight budget. And that you don't want any presents in return, if they want to, they can buy for your child. This is what we do and we now save around a hundred pounds.

Womaningreen · 19/10/2018 10:57

I don't understand why your DP is such a misery

I hate Xmas too but I wouldn't make it a point to make everyone round me utterly miserable.

and his parents are only 5 mins away - does he go round there and strop all day? I get that Xmas Day is a good day to get a lot of driving out of the way, but the more you write, the more I think your DP is the issue here, nothing else.

Original poster
SantaIsATwat · 19/10/2018 10:58

Sorry, maybe I wasn't clear - we spend most of Christmas day apart with DC and I at my parents house and DP with his own parents. It is my own family I travel to spend time with (slightly different setup this year which means I wont have to travel as far and can get a lift if I need to).

OP posts: