Fucking Christmas

[SantaIsATwat]

I just can't face it this year.

I'm unemployed, we are skint. I have found work but wont see any wage until after Christmas. We can't borrow money and have little of value to sell.
DP is on an ok income but without my wage and no help from tax credits we have enough to scrape by and no more.

I can't be fucked getting my head round present buying and trying not to disappoint 11yo DC.

Finances aside, DP finds Christmas utterly depressing - he is in a horrible mood on the day and has made the past couple of Christmas mornings fucking dismal. Refuses to spend Christmas with my family and goes to his own family each year which has left me driving nearly 100 miles to fit everyone in on my own with DC (not DPs child).

I just cannot be arsed this year. I make the effort for DC but if it wasnt for them I'd probably just sleep until the day was over.

Does anyone else feel like this? I'm not usually such a scrooge but I just feel utterly defeated by the prospect of it all.

Your poor DC will have really crap memories of Christmas by the sounds of it.

Take on board some of the suggestions here and try to make this year an enjoyable time. Children can't control what happens on the day, but you can, so step up and make it better.

If you're after thrifty ideas for gifts there are lots on some of the Christmas threads.

You need to sort out your DP though, or declare a truce in November and outline your plans clearly to him so he knows what your expectations will be on the day.

I don't think there's anything underlying, his mum says he used to eat Christmas dinner alone in his room but didn't offer an explanation.

There must be an underlying reason if he chose to eat his Christmas dinner alone away from his family. That isn't normal behaviour and it's highly controlling and manipulative. He's making people believe there is a problem by choosing to be a shit on Christmas day.

Do you know what get him to work on Christmas day and bring some money in. It's good money for waiting staff and other workers, if he's going to be a twat then get him out of the house and earning.

Lots of Christmas temping jobs advertised now so it's a good time to pick up extra shifts.

www.peopleperhour.com

Why subject your kid to this bullshit, they’ll be the one in 15 years getting depressed at Christmas because their childhood ones were miserable. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I do not see the point of staying in relationships with unpleasant people. What is the point here for you?

Ahhh. Ok then.

Is he only like this at Christmas or at other times too?

Why are you with him? He sounds like a shit bag.
It's sad that he's ruining Christmas not only for you, but that atmosphere can't be nice for your dc either. I wouldn't be having it.

I know you've already said that there's no reason for his twat behaviour, but I had shitty depressing Christmases growing up. I can't for the life of me understand how an adult can't whack on a smile for a day and be nice to their kids. As an adult myself now, my house looks like I stole the North Pole and all the elves at Christmas.

I honestly don't know what it is about Christmas. I'm not a massove fan of it either but I manage to find bits I like and focus on making it a nice time for DS.

He did tell me he hates it but I didnt realise until our first Christmas together what that actually entailed. I was actually looking forward to spending Christmases at home with the three of us, nice meal and a quiet time where DP and I could enjoy a drink together at night when the chaos was over but because of the atmosphere I've opted to keep going to my parents.

I always have a lovely time there, they are very good to us and its nice to have everyone together but I look at my siblings and how they take turns to go everywhere as a family unit and it saddens me that it just can't happen that way for us. I don't even want him to traipse around visiting with me, if we could spend a nice Christmas at home together that would be fine.

He's fine the rest of the year, doesn't make a fuss on his own birthday but is generous and thoughtful with me and DS etc.

I would just basically refuse to spend Christmas with him if he's going to be a twat every year. He won't change, so leave him to his misery.

Do what ever suits you.

Church is free

Could you stay over at either your parents or his. That way you can completely ignore your dp and enjoy the magic with likeminded people.
Then you ds hopefully won't focus how big his pile of pressies is too.

Your dp sounds utterly selfish. I feel so sorry for your 11yo. It’s not even his biological dad but the poor kid has no choice but to live with a bloke who sounds like a miserable arsehole. You have a choice...

At 11 your DC is old enough to understand that money is tight.
Your family should understand this too, I wouldn't do the 11 mile round trip this year - if nothing else it sounds like you can't afford it.

Talk to your DC about what they would like to do at Xmas that's low budget and have a lovely day at home with them instead.

Sounds like spending it with his parents would be easier. Perhaps tell DC they can see grandparents at another time. Driving so far when you're stressed and skint seems mad when they're only 5 mins away.

If you’re guaranteed a pay day after Christmas and you have a credit card I’d look carefully at when the bill resets, buy DS’s present when the bill will come in on 10 Jan with a month to pay, and spend nothing else. Go to your parents and leave DP spending the day in his room. He is allowed to spend Christmas in a pit of teenage angst but you can elect not to watch...

Second hand is your friend, Freecycle even, ask if people have unwanted age appropriate stuff, plus a promise of something exciting in feb half term perhaps. As to the crazy Christmas situation re dp, you need to talk, it's ridiculous, ditch both sets of parents this year and suggest they visit you, at same time or on separate days (saving petrol) and assign food they should bring.

I disagree with some other posters. I would want the DCs to be with relatives that they love and enjoy spending time with on Christmas day. That is more important than presents that will be forgotten within the month, plus they will get presents from their family as well.

I'd go up on Christmas Eve and have as good a time as you can, and have zero expectations from your P that way you won't be disappointed.

Please don't allow your partner to ruin another one of your children's Christmases. My mum was with a man when I was a child who sounds very similar to yours, he didn't get up to open presents, we had to quietly open them so we didn't disturb him, he would get up and go off to his family and we would do our thing with my mum's family, then he'd come back later and strop about how many presents I'd got and how spoiled I was (so much so that one year I remember my mum hiding some of my presents before he got back so he wouldn't see what I'd been given).

One year he decided to leave a few days before Christmas. I must have been about 11/12 and my grandparents dropped me off at home. My mum was out at her work Christmas afternoon meal and I was waiting at home for an hour of so until she got back. I jumped out of my grandparents car, let myself in and was greeted with half the stuff missing, including the TV. Luckily my mum had a little portable one in her bedroom, but its not quite the same watching all the Christmas TV on a 14" screen!

Anyway, enough of my woes. The point is this does have a lasting effect on your child. I have been through counselling to help me deal with the effects of this man. Obviously there were other things not just Christmas, so only you know what your situation is but please don't underestimate the effect of your child in all this.