Fucking Christmas

[SantaIsATwat]

I just can't face it this year.

I'm unemployed, we are skint. I have found work but wont see any wage until after Christmas. We can't borrow money and have little of value to sell.
DP is on an ok income but without my wage and no help from tax credits we have enough to scrape by and no more.

I can't be fucked getting my head round present buying and trying not to disappoint 11yo DC.

Finances aside, DP finds Christmas utterly depressing - he is in a horrible mood on the day and has made the past couple of Christmas mornings fucking dismal. Refuses to spend Christmas with my family and goes to his own family each year which has left me driving nearly 100 miles to fit everyone in on my own with DC (not DPs child).

I just cannot be arsed this year. I make the effort for DC but if it wasnt for them I'd probably just sleep until the day was over.

Does anyone else feel like this? I'm not usually such a scrooge but I just feel utterly defeated by the prospect of it all.

How about giving your DC a choice. You can either go to your parents on the day and they get a smaller gift and then a bigger treat in the January sales. Or they go to dp’s Parents and get a bigger treat in the January sales. They are the right age to sit and explain that money is tight. Also consider doing some comping between now and Christmas. A lot of companies run competitions and it can be as simple as like and sharing a Facebook post. You might win something that can substitute gifts.

Money wise I’d say to everyone your doing gifts for under 16’s only this year and you don’t expect any presents for you.

Why are you with such a horrible man???

Could you go to your parents on xmas eve? Even if you just sleep on the sofa wouldn't you & DC enjoy waking up there? You could then drive back for lunch & afternoon at DH's parents? Splits the driving. You can have a drink both days

Why are you even with someone that is so selfish that they can't make an effort for one day of the year? A day that will mean the world to your son?

It is not good enough.

If your DP’s parents would be happy to have you and your son spend Christmas with them, do that. You could perhaps go and see your parents before or after Christmas, so you can enjoy a visit that is not loaded with the Christmas Day everybody- else’s-day-is-wonderful, but-mine-isn’t stuff many people feel.

Christmas dinner roast chicken & roast pot & stuffing cheap mince pies & homemade boiled puddening or what ever pudding your dc &you like home made if dc are old enough get them making sausage rolls & other things day before get videos from library or watch ones on TV - we always play board games - make up stockings for dc choc socks & those activity book sets or coloured pencils & paper - small cosmetics or smellies small things that you can afford (invade pound shops) buy what you can afford as a main present for dc don't go aver board if you can afford £10 ok or - 1 of my friends (how old are your dc?) would buy presents in post Christmas sales - if dc are old enough get them to make craft decorations

I’m sorry you feel so pissed off with it all, it’s hardly surprising!

Let’s get you out of that funk and looking forward to it instead! I know that’s not easy, but it can be done! (and it’s not going anywhere, so you might as well try!).

First things first. The Big White Elephant here, it’s sitting in the corner with a grinch hat on. Your ‘D’P. How long have you been tigether? What is your relationship really like the other 364 days of the year? What is DP & DC’s rekationship like?

I really can’t get my head around an adult making Christmas morning crap for a child, ‘theirs’ or not. I feel that person would have to be a selfish twat generally. He should want you and DS to be happy, he should want it to be nice for you all... accepting you sometimes have to do shit you don’t want to do, because you’re part of a couple or family, and you love THEM is just part of life. A LOT of people spending CD with in-laws/their own extended family/without those people would rather things were different...and some years it is. It’s all a compromise. Obviously if there are good reasons, then that’s different.

So why is he a grumpy twat at Christmas? What’s his problem with going to your family (sometimes)?

Your DP sounds like an asshole. Does he behave like that at Christmas because he's jealous of the attention being on your DC for the day? How does he treat your DC for the rest of the year?

Why are you so far away from your own family if not for work reasons? Have you moved away to be with your DP?

For presents for your DS, can you print some homemade tickets for events he might want to go to next year?

So a go karting day or camping trip or whatever it is he is into - which then deflects the cost until when you're more financially secure.

Op , check out Vicky Mouse on YouTube. She does some great tutorials on putting together presents for all ages that look very good for not much money. This won’t solve other issues but may help a slender purse.

Take the lift! Go and spend Xmas with your parents, don't worry about your grumpy DP, he can look after himself.

I know what you mean though. I hate bloody Xmas.

Stay over at your DP's house on Christmas Eve. Your DP doesn't get to sulk about it or comment on it if he DGAF about it anyway.

If you shake up the routine it will seem better anyway. You could plan something 'special' en route on Christmas Eve?

Hope it gets better between now and then.

If you have any time before Christmas and access to a car could you fit in some mystery shopping? They have loads of little assigments to do. Some are via an App on your phone just taking pictures in supermarkets, you could definitely earn some extra cash. I know lots of the websites and Apps if you want to know more.

Or, matched betting, the sign up offers guarantee £45 which would cover your DC's present?
www.profitaccumulator.co.uk/

I find xmas very stressful too as its so pressured for a magical time.

Find the magic in other ways - for me that means being with people who love me and not necessarily family.

OP your problem is not christmas, it's your partner.

You and your child deserve better than this.

Unless there was some terrible trauma associated with Christmas, then I would question being with someone who would so utterly spoil what should be a lovely day - especially when kids are involved.

Selfish, cruel behaviour.

What’s he like with your and DC’s birthdays?

This year stay with your family and don’t bother driving back Christmas Day.
If your in-laws are so lovely, they’ll understand re partner’s behaviour.

I agree with you. Christmas at home is the best. Presents for the little one. Done deal.

I think going on Christmas Eve, so that you are around happier, more cheerful people would help. I agree about doing something special on the way - we do winter car picnics, my ds who will be 11 and dd 9 still love them. The usual suspects for the picnic with a few small extras and if you have a flask make a drink they'll like, string a set of those £1 lights up around the visor, and a decoration or two in the car, Christmas music on the radio and suddenly it feels really different to the usual car journey. Have a plan for something nice the day you arrive back to your house - board game/movie, a few treats, Christmas lights on, because sometimes coming back can feel a bit deflating.
What would your dc like for Christmas? I think most kids even the 11 yr old ones want to get some bits, and the idea of making a promise for something in 2019 is a good one - it needs to be packaged a bit, so not just a 'voucher' you've written but maybe attached to something so if going go karting, wrapped with a little car ( that might be lying around the house already). I grew up in a family where money was always tight at Christmas and knew as I got older that what was there needed to be spent on my younger siblings, and a little effort went a long way to make me feel that I was still having Christmas.
Its sad that your dp won't make the effort and while we don't know if there are other issues that make Christmas really hard for him and the rest of the year he is great..... that seems something you need to think hard about, do you want to spend the next 20/30/40 years with someone who won't make an effort for your dc and for you?

Thankyou all, currently doing yet more job applications but will look into all the suggestions for making extra cash/ budget gifts tonight, the mystery shopping one could work well, as I'm near lots of big supermarkets etc.

I'll look into a gift that I can put money into later rather than on the day as well, thats a good idea and I can bulk up with drawing stuff and cheaper things he will still enjoy. I know my family will get him lots of nice things too - another reason to spend the day with them, its less underwhelming if their presents are there as well.

I'm going to have it out with DP about Christmas day soon. He shuts down and wont talk about it nearer the time, if it truly is traumatic for him I'd be more understanding but at the moment i just feel he has been utterly selfish.

Staying elsewhere Christmas eve might be nice - I was worried aboyt leaving DP alone when I know how down he feels, but youre all right about him not making an effort to spare our feelings.

I had high hopes for cozy, family Christmases when I moved in, but we've had 3 like this now and theyve all been shit.

I hated Christmas and was like you, let me sleep through the whole dam thing. It wasn’t until I had my own family I realised it was because my dad was Scrooge who hates the hustle and bustle and my mum had very fixed ideas about it.
Once I ignored all that it got infinitely better. Even the Christmas we had when we had no money, just moved so barely seat never mind decorations and no idea when it would improve.
My best tip is ask children for their perfect meal, it’s never an £80 turkey with a million veggies. Serve them what they want. Ds chose prawns then a peanut butter and jam sandwich then Victoria sponge. Might not seem like Christmas but he was delighted and it cost a fiver.
And knock visiting family. Unless it leaves someone on their own, bugger it. Stay home. Eat your favourite foods, watch films, play games, sing songs whatever you and ds like.
Once I got my head round the idea that doing what you enjoyed wasn’t necessarily turkey and crackers the whole season improved.

Is your partner this cheery usually? I'm not of the LTB brigade but on this occasion it sounds like a good idea.

With benefits and help towards housing costs you may be better off both financially and mentally!

Could you stay with family on Xmas eve? If you explain they may be able to help with a gift x

15/20 years ago I was a single parent with 4 children and no financial support so I utterly understand the panic that the approach of Christmas brings with it.

One year it was particularly tight. For the few adults in my life I gave hand made gifts. e.g Grandparents got a homemade Christmas cake and a fresh foliage table decoration. Most other people also got a table decoration and I explained in advance. They appeared to be well received .( So much so that I was requested to do it every year.)

The children loved going out and gathering the greenery, dried grasses and cones etc so we were able to get some Christmas cheer from that activity. Cost was only Oasis and some gold and silver spray.
Then I committed to Sky TV for the whole family. No upfront cost and it was so well received by all. You may already have Cable or Sky or similar but just a thought.
Gifts to open were mostly ( economical ) necessaries , books, games and some type of activity . Craft or science etc. Then a promise for a big outing in the New Year - theme park.
It spread the cost and was one of our best Christmases. A bit like the wartime spirit ( with Sky TV) .
Whilst I would not advise anyone to get into unnecessary debt, I did find catalogues incredibly helpful and manageable during that whole phase of our lives.

I have a feeling there might be some serious issue when it comes to your partner. Have you tried to ask his parents what is it about? It can be something bad but he just can't face to talk about it. Maybe they could shed some light on it. Some families keep horrible skeletons in theirclosests, but surely they would open up since it's affecting you and DC too. Especially if he is ok the rest of the year.

he was an utter shit to me and only bothered to present me with a gift when I was ready to leave in tears. By the time I got back and went to his parents he acted like nothing had happened.

He knowingly made you feel horrible and didn't care, didn't apologise, didn't explain?!

If he's lovely the rest of the time, you're probably better off spending Christmas separately. Christmas can be underwhelming when you simply can't afford it (and don't want to inflict that on dc) but having a mitigating factor like a lousy draining miseryguts would wreck it even if there wasn't a cashflow problem...

Is your so called DP a massive twat at other times or just at Christmas?