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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman was bloomin rude!

109 replies

HowCanThisBeRight · 18/10/2018 16:47

Was shopping earlier with my 7m old. Going around the supermarket, she was in her pram and I was chatting away to her quietly, you know the 'oh shall we have chicken for dinner' or mustn't forget to get something for daddys lunch tomorrow etc. She was smiling away and chatting her 'talk' back. Anyway as every so I passed the same woman who looked at me weird, thought maybe I had something on my face lol, Thought nothing more of it.
Got to the till and she was behind me, thenshe said 'excuse me' I replied 'hi' she said 'why on Earth do you talk to such a young child, its not like they understand ?' in quite a sneery tone.
I said ' because that's how they learn '
She replied ' well of you say so'!
Me. I don't 'say so' I know so...and carried on emptying my basket

Maybe I shouldn't of been sarcastic at the end but she was very rude and made it look like I was being odd. I wasn't eden chatting loudly or anything just general chat to my daughter

OP posts:
blackcat86 · 18/10/2018 17:10

That's so rude of her. I'd love to see her reaction to me chatting to my 9 week old. Presumably she'd prefer your LO to get bored and start crying rather than having a nice chat with mummy.

Jamiefraserskilt · 18/10/2018 17:13

Very glad she was not my mother.

mumsastudent · 18/10/2018 17:16

she would have had a lecture on child development & developmental psychology re language development from me if I had been behind her! -& embarrassed my dear family who were with me- ( she is probably one of those ignorant twerps who think children should be seen & not heard) I love hearing mums talk to their dc like this -l over heard great mum in public loo distracting her dc (2/3years old?) about who would come out of which loo first (mum won!) really funny!! :)

Nanny0gg · 18/10/2018 17:16

When I gave birth 40 years ago, I remember the midwife on the ward instructing some of the new mothers how they must chat to their babies. Just holding them wasn't going to teach them anything!

whistl · 18/10/2018 17:16

There's something wrong with the woman (not just rudeness) if she doesn't know that you are supposed to talk to young children. I would suggest her IQ is very low.
I'd forget it, if I were you.

JosellaPlayton · 18/10/2018 17:18

I personally find ‘mustn’t forget something for Daddy’s lunch’ exclaimed at a small baby, at a volume loud enough for other shoppers to here, is really cringeworthy. But that’s just my opinion and therefore should be kept to myself! So yes of course the women was extremely rude to say something to you, she sounds utterly batshit.

RosaNullaSpina · 18/10/2018 17:18

She sounds weird.

I don’t understand anyone who goes around asking rude questions and offering their unsolicited opinions to total strangers. Aren’t they ever afraid someone will give them a slap?!

JosellaPlayton · 18/10/2018 17:19

Hear not here, excuse my terrible grammar!

RosaNullaSpina · 18/10/2018 17:19

Maybe no one talked to her when she was young, and she’s jealous!

Original poster
HowCanThisBeRight · 18/10/2018 17:20

I honestly do talk quiet to her. She faces me in pram so i chat. I even show her items and say 'reckon (big Bro) will like this' or this looks yummy.
You know the random stuff we all do.

I don't have pets but I'm. Pretty sure I'd chat to them too lol

OP posts:
SalemBlackCat4 · 18/10/2018 17:23

Sounds like the lady may have Aspergers.

WooYa · 18/10/2018 17:24

I do this with DS at the same age, usually get a nice smile off people or people Alyson to him... did have a man once say "you'll be shocked if he spoke back" 

0lgaDaPolga · 18/10/2018 17:25

Yeah that was really rude of her. I used to get some funny looks talking to my baby when he was in his sling but no one ever said anything. Like you said, it’s how they learn!

Original poster
HowCanThisBeRight · 18/10/2018 17:25

Ah didn't think about that. She was an olde r lady very matron looking, sorry crap at explaining.

OP posts:
WildFlower2018 · 18/10/2018 17:26

Christ on a fucking bike. She wants to come round my house. I talk like that to my two dogs. It'd drive her mad. Twazzok.

Mumminmum · 18/10/2018 17:26

Oh yes, I met people like that. They also don't really talk with their children, when they grow older, because it is boring or something like that. And then they are surprised when the teachers tell them that they are worried that the DC have such limited vocabularies.

Just because people comment on your way of raising your kids negatively it doesn't mean, that they are the ones who are rigth.One of my SILs commented on how "active" our DS was when he was a toddler. She obviously meant it in a sneery, my-isn't-he-ill-mannered- way. He wasn't actually that active, he was very standard in that regard. A healthy active boy but not boisterous or loud. Sweet natured and kind. (Though he did talk a lot). They acted as if their DD who was the same age was so much more well mannered. But she wasn't. She was scaringly passive. They had a habit of placing her on a blanket and then leaving her there to do there own things. They did their own things in the same room or same garden, but not close to her and didn't interact with her. And she happily sat there on the blanket and .... well ..... sat. They did leave toys for her, but she rarely picked them up. And of course they didn't have to child proof their appartment or garden at all so there was crushed glass and pesticides in toddler height in the garden and porcelain figurines in toddler height in the flat. What made it worse was the both parents were educated as nursery nurses. So in theory they should know that it is important to stimulate babies and toddlers. Their DD is a teenager now and appears to be fine, but then again the nursery nurses at her nursery did have a serious talk with the parents of which we have never been informed of the details but they interacted a lot more with their next baby.

MereDintofPandiculation · 18/10/2018 17:29

I don’t understand anyone who goes around asking rude questions and offering their unsolicited opinions to total strangers. Aren’t they ever afraid someone will give them a slap?! Having been bullied and socially excluded at school, and with an inbuilt tendency to take anything said to me quite literally, it took me a long time and a lot of hard work to catch up with social skills. I cringe at some of the things I said to people when I was young - but no, I wasn't trying to be rude, I wasn't aware that anyone would think I was rude. Struggling with communication is utterly miserable - people dislike you for something you can't help.

OliviaStabler · 18/10/2018 17:29

esus Christ... I'm with RangeRider she'd be well fucked off listening to me prattle to my cats Grin

Me three. She'd hate the sing song voice and words I use 'Have you done a pooh da do dah?' 😂😂😂

morningtoncrescent62 · 18/10/2018 17:30

She was rude. Even if you'd been performance parenting (which it doesn't sound like you were) she'd have been rude to talk to you like that.

Laughing at all the people talking to their dogs, though. I was walking on the beach the other day and I could hear a women behind me doing an irate and continuous monologue along the lines of, 'When Daddy gets home I'm going to tell him what you did, and what do you think he'll say? He's not going to be pleased at all, is he?...' I thought she was talking to a child of about four, but it turned out to be her DDog (who wasn't noticeably concerned). I thought it was very funny and I was tempted to join in.

Emmageddon · 18/10/2018 17:30

I talked to my DC all the time, regardless of whether they could understand me or not. They would always engage with me, making eye contact and smiling, and babbling back.

Now they are all adults, I have similar conversations with the dog - shall we go to the beach today, or would you prefer a walk through the woods? The woods? But the sun's shining, let's go to the beach. I also discuss with him whether I should cycle to work or take the bus. He's not too good at giving me answers though. Grin

formerbabe · 18/10/2018 17:31

Oh god, I've been putting away my dds dolls and teddy bears before and spoken to them Grin.

She's the weird one, not you op.

DogDayMorning · 18/10/2018 17:33

She was rude and completely wrong, you are lovely and completely right!

It drives me crazy seeing mums and dads miss these opportunities to talk to their children, usually because they are glued to their bloody phones. All babies and toddlers want is to learn and be loved, and by talking conversationally to them you both teach them language and let them know you think they are amazing. I used to talk constantly to mine. It's particularly important that they can see your face, not just hear you. And that you pause to listen to what they have to 'say'.

Emmageddon · 18/10/2018 17:33

Can I just point out that I wasn't the dogwalker behind @morningtoncrescent62 on the beach the other day? I never refer to my DH as 'daddy' to the dog, always his first name. Grin

Boyskeepswinging · 18/10/2018 17:35

Reminds me of when my DS was a baby and we were visiting an aquarium. I was holding him up to one of the tanks and explaining (as much as I could!) "Oooh, look, there's a ray, there's a clown fish" etc. This random older woman absolutely laid into me because a baby that age could neither see nor understand what I was pointing out and apparently I was being "Bloody stupid". I had not asked for her opinion, I was definitely not performance parenting, just having a quiet conversation with my baby. I'm no expert on child development but if you don't talk to them and show them stuff how the jeff will they ever learn? Confused
And why do people feel the need to be so bloody rude?

McPie · 18/10/2018 17:36

She would have hated me as I always chatted away to my 3 from the day they were born.
With Ds1 from the moment he could talk "What's that?" was what I got constantly when ever we were out and "a car" only cut it for so long. It then became "a Ford, daddy has a Ford" to which he would repeat back that daddy had one the next time we came across one.
He quickly became his grandads party trick when he could tell people what car they were driving by looking at the side of it.
Now he is in his 1st year at college doing mechanics and I like to think that our little chats helped him on that path. So keep chatting away it won't do your dd any harm at all.