Was my son in the wrong.....

[Mroogieboogie]

8 year old son is a lot like me, very affectionate to the people he's close too, hates being touched by anyone else. There is a girl in his class who likes him, always trying to cuddle him and in his personal space, he's told me before he doesn't like playing with her as she always hugs and kisses him. Time goes on and this girls mother stops me to tell me that my DS kicked her DD, i said sorry, doesn't sound like him, I'll have a word etc, she said her DD was hugging him. Now my DS isn't perfect at all, but he's not a fighty type, he doesn't even get physical with his siblings, and also this girl is clearly not taking no for an answer, i don't think he should have kicked her at all, but he must have been pushed to his limits to do that. AIBU in thinking that I actually understand why my DS lost his shit with constantly saying no but still having his boundaries pushed. I can't help but feel that if my DS wouldn't leave her DD alone and she kicked out he'd still be in the wrong and her daughter would have just been protecting herself...

I see both sides of this. I have two children both with an asd (neither were diagnosed when they were your son's age). Dd hates any physical contact except on her own terms and it comepletely freaks her out to meltdown point.

Ds on the other hand has a constant need to be tactile, to hug and it was very difficult to teach him about personal boundaries.

Your ds needs to be re-assured that no means no and his ruights should be respected and the girl needs help with boundaries.

Happyandshiney

Actually, yes, I think he he couldn't get her off and she wasn't listening he would be within his rights to remove himself from the situation however he could.

I see this as self-defence. It’s not ok to hit out or kick but a child, boy or girl is entitled to protect themselves. Jumping on his back is a form of aggression. I do think if you were to reverse the genders, it would show a different bias. Going forward, I would tell the other mother that she needs to have a word with her DD about unwanted physical contact.

Legally speaking a person is allowed to use reasonable force to keep themselves safe from harm by another, it is called self defence.

The girl was physically restraining him from behind, she also has a history of touching him inappropriately (hugs, kisses against his sovereign right to his own body). He had by all accounts told her that he didn't want her doing this. So he had given fair verbal warning. She did not stop.

He did what he did to get her off him, self defence.

I would never tell a child off for practising their right to keep themselves safe.

Op you need to talk to the school, follow it up with an email so that you have this issue in writting. Ask the school what they plan to do to keep your ds safe in accordance to their anti bullying policy. Do not tell your rd off for trying to keep himself safe.

rd...ds

If it is "harassment" what is the OPs child's response? Assault?

No, self-defence.

This.

I have had a similar issue but with two dc of the same sex. Though I did speak to my daughter and say that she mustn't push, when the other girl went to latch on to her again i also said to her firmly that my daughter had said no and if she carried on she might push her again.

My suggestion would be don't speak to the other mother about it at all. In my case the mother of the hugging child couldn't see further than her child doing something lovely like hugging someone and couldn't see that they'd actually been constantly pushing unwanted physical contact with my dc for 20 mins before she pushed her over to get her to stop. The friendship between us parents did not survive how I handled the situation.

Just wondering how you got on talking with the teacher @Mroogieboogie. Hope things are settling down now for your DS.