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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel aggravated and harangued by schools constant demands for cake, sponsorship, help?

117 replies

curiouscat · 15/06/2007 09:46

I went back to FT work this year having had 9 years at home enthusiatically baking cakes, helping at school etc. Now I feel really put upon by constant demands to make cakes, work on summer fete stalls, give cash for sponsored walks, museum trips etc. I feel I've done my bit. I get minimal holiday time and will miss sports day which I already feel shitty about. Why can't the schools/PTA just bloody get on with it. I'll go to the fairs happily and spend money but running the stalls, giving time I don't have etc is just too much. Even buying cake ingredients and baking is beyond me as the shops are shut by the time I get home. Don't know if I'm guilty or angry or both. How does anyone else feel?

OP posts:
SueW · 15/06/2007 09:49

I'm staggered you feel so ticked off about it.

As you say you have done your bit. They are asking as they have done for years when you were able to give and now you can't.

So sit back, smile smugly and let others have their time.

toomuchtodo · 15/06/2007 09:50

don't beat yourself up too much! you've probably done your bit already!

BTW as mum of a 9 yr old wanting to return to work, can I ask what it is you are doing? don't answer if you feel its none of my business, just need ideas to return to work!

thanks

Pamina · 15/06/2007 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
curiouscat · 15/06/2007 09:59

Well my 'career' was patchy before. Worked as management consultant. Then sideswiped by 3 kids etc. Youngest, DD5, started full time school January this year and I applied for mix of jobs. Anything and everything I could possibly do, full or part time including secretarial/admin locally and writing/media stuff in the city. Turned down local doctor's receptionist job offer. Accepted underpaid job in publishing company in city as felt more interesting.

Got full time au pair living in plus cleaner. Husband works from home so is able to take them to scouts etc. I love the work, find it interesting etc. Kids took a while to adjust but we're all settled into it now.

Upside of FT work is Mon-Fri I don't worry about gym kit/homework stuff, food etc is nothing to do with me, I leave it all behind at 715am when I go for my train. Come back to kids in pyjamas 6pm. Bliss.

HTH.

OP posts:
wheresmysuntan · 15/06/2007 09:59

You Have done your bit - relax. But don't say ''why can't the PTA get on with it'' - they can only do things if there are volunteers to help. I'm on our PTA and we have gone from 14 members to only eight over this year - those of us left are having to do far more than our fair share to keep up with the expected activities. Parents expect to see a Summer Fair and a Christmas Fair aswell as other activities but are increasingly unwilling to help out.We seem to have reached a hiatus where alot of parents have got to the ''I've done my bit'' stage and step back but unfortunately the 'new' parents are not stepping forward. My child is in year 2 and when she started school 3 of us 'newbies' joined the PTA - since then no-one has joined.This often means we have to repeatedly ask for help because no-one comes forward the first time of asking.

magnolia1 · 15/06/2007 10:01

'Why can't the schools/PTA just bloody get on with it'

Parent Teachers Association, so as a parent you are part of it. To expect 'them' to bloody get on with it(!) would not be possible without parents. But if you feel you have done enough then why get so wound up about it? You don't have to make cakes or sponsor your child or even go to the summer fair if you don't want to. It's a choice not a demand

Original poster
curiouscat · 15/06/2007 10:03

Apologies for disrespect to PTA in my rant

OP posts:
Gobbledigook · 15/06/2007 10:03

OMG, you have to be kidding me right?

I bet you don't mind your kids getting use out of all the things the PTA funds though do you?!

As a PTA committee member I get royaly pissed off with people telling me they are too busy to help (what, not even once in the whole year) - it's bollocks - if you don't want to do it then just say you don't want to do it but don't make out like you can't. If you wanted to, you'd find the time.

I've got 3 kids of 6 and under, a full-time work at home job and I still manage to do absolutely tons of PTA stuff.

I feckign hate this apathy and this attitude that someone else can just get on with it.

Gobbledigook · 15/06/2007 10:05

Oops, sorry x posts I think!

Plus I had a PTA meeting last night so am on rant mode

Gobbledigook · 15/06/2007 10:07

And agree with others - do what you can and don't worry about the things that you can't. Don't feel guilty!

Tbh, it's the SAHM with feck all else going on that pee me off, but then, y'know, it's up to them if they want to do stuff. There's no obligation. It just saddens me really.

And the other thing is - the other parents, that don't lift a finger, are always the ones that complain or point out negatives. It drives me nuts.

yaddayah · 15/06/2007 10:11

Ds is in reception, i had to hunt down (took a while with my deerstalker and pop gun) the PTA rep to offer my help for manning a stall at the school fete, it hadn't occured to her that people wouldn't know who she was and she was desperate for help.. so pta reps I would say for the newbies, stick a note in the book bag at start of term telling people what you need as I really did want to offer but was too shy

To the OP, 9 years ? You've more than done you're bit.. pass the caketin on !

Gobbledigook · 15/06/2007 10:13

We have a new parent intake evening at school in June and the PTA chair gives a really short talk and we have a 'desk' where people can come and talk to us - or we mingle!

Our chair is bubbly and loud - you can't miss her! Ha ha! She's fab!

wheresmysuntan · 15/06/2007 10:15

Agree about the complainers 'Gobbledigook' - think it must be the same everywhere.I also find that those families who get the most from the school seem to be those that 'give' the least ( and I don't mean money).I also don't entirely buy the ''I'm too busy because I work'' argument - I am the only one on our PTA who doesn't work outside the home. The two people who have done the most over the years both work full-time.

Caroline1852 · 15/06/2007 10:15

Someone who is a SAHM and perhaps short of funds should start a small business making home made cakes and costumes etc for hard pressed parents, perhaps even buying school uniform that fits (and sewing in the Cash's name tapes) and perhaps even taking them to the start rite shop for new shoes, the business could be called in loco parentis and franchised to every school around the coutry. I am a SAHM and often fail to make a cake for a cake stall at my son's school, instead I buy a cake from M&S (which I am sure someone would rather buy in any case, it even has a sell by date!) and just tell them I am short of time.

allgonebellyup · 15/06/2007 10:15

i too feel guilty about doing absolutely nothing for the school, but i do work and i also am studying for my degree, plus am a single parent so nobody to take the kiddies off me!
i dont "expect" there to be summer and xmas fairs, TBH i wouldnt mind if these didnt happen!!

barney2 · 15/06/2007 10:16

I do agree with some of what has been said here but if it weren't for PTA's, Committees, Friends of etc etc we wouldn't have all the lovely books & equipment that our school is able to offer to our kids.

HOWEVER....I do find we get a surge of requests at this time of year, and also at Xmas, asking for this and that - raffle prizes, tombola prizes, raffle tickets to be sold, cakes to be made, lucky dip prizes, sponsorship forms to be filled, help needed on the days of fayres, trips etc etc...and especially hard when I've got two children at school so double the amount. But if you weigh it up with the rest of the year it's not too bad - it just seems a lot at the time and not easy when, if you're like me, living within a tight budget and not able to keep dipping into our pockets!!

allgonebellyup · 15/06/2007 10:17

not implying the OP did absolutely nothing, BTW!

Gobbledigook · 15/06/2007 10:18

Does your PTA not tell you what they spend the money on?

I think that's a key thing tbh. I recently did a newsletter and the amount of positive feedback I've had from it is amazing. People really jsut didn't know what the PTA did, why they did it and what, in school, had actually been funded. The newsletter also stated our next 'goal' so that hopefully it will motivate people to try and help us reach it as it's something that all the kids will benefit from.

I can see why some people might find the whole thing intimidating as well though.

barney2 · 15/06/2007 10:21

I do agree that parents should get involved with fundraising at schools etc...but not all parents actually can. My husband works away a lot and I work shifts so I am always juggling the demands of running a home and meeting all the usual family commitments....I don't have anyone come in and help me and all my friends have children and we're all in the same boat. I can't afford an Au Pair/Childminder/babysitter so the least I can do is provide what the school ask for as best I can - to moan about the amount we're asked to provide is neither here nor there when you consider the fun and enjoyment the kids get out of the new equipment etc that is bought by the fundraising and all good committees/PTA's should be telling you where the money is being spent.

oggsfrog · 15/06/2007 10:21

I'm an office bearer on the PTA at our small village school (under 15 pupils).

We always send out a welcome letter to any new parents explaining that as we are so small every parent is automatically a member of the PTA.

As we are so small it is very difficult thinking of ways to raise money as most of the usual events are unfeasible.

I do feel that sometimes parents get fed up with being asked, but what are we supposed to do?

barney2 · 15/06/2007 10:25

curiouscat....is it not just simply a case that you simply don't have the time to do your cake baking etc if you're leaving at 7.15am and not getting home until late?

oggsfrog · 15/06/2007 10:26

I'm aware that we probably operate very differently from a larger school, but it does mean that even if only one set of parents doesn't contribute then the ones who do have so much more to take on/provide.

Original poster
curiouscat · 15/06/2007 10:31

Of course the PTA is full of people doing great work. I have volunteered for Oxfam and other community groups, and found there's always a core of people who do most of the work while others seem happy to enjoy the benefits/parties/fairs/buy cakes without contributing effort. Our scout group struggles for lack of adult volunteers. I know it's a hard balance to make. Just want to put it straight that I wasn't having a go at anyone. I guess I've just learned since being at work that genuinely people can't help who might like to.

OP posts:
Grrrr · 15/06/2007 10:33

If all of your children are now at school and you have a full-time live in au--pair, couldn't you ask the au-pair if she could bake something. If she can't bake, have a session with you her and a couple of the kids so that she has a chance to learn one or two recipes. It needn't be a sandwich cake, it could be something a lot less risky like cookies/flapjack etc.

It is a kind of child related duty after all

Grrrr · 15/06/2007 10:43

btw, I do however think that you've manned the cake tins for long enough. Could you have a word with the relevant individual on the PTA and ask to be considered a financial suporter only from now on ?

I have no experience of this minefield of school life yet as ds1 starts school in September but I know that...

a) my baking is rubbish, truly pants !

b) I am always short of time.

Those of you on PTA's , would you be offended if you were approached by someone like me saying "I don't have much free time and my baking is appalling, put me down for £xx and I'll make sure I also attend the event with my children to support everyone else's efforts." (I'll also be first in line at the cake stall as home made cakes are a special treat in our house).

I don't want to be seen as flash with money but I do find that committing time stresses me in a way that committing financial support just doesn't and I need to keep stress out of my life as much as I can as it makes me not a nice mummy to be around.

Opinions greatly appreciated.