To feel aggravated and harangued by schools constant demands for cake, sponsorship, help?

[curiouscat]

I went back to FT work this year having had 9 years at home enthusiatically baking cakes, helping at school etc. Now I feel really put upon by constant demands to make cakes, work on summer fete stalls, give cash for sponsored walks, museum trips etc. I feel I've done my bit. I get minimal holiday time and will miss sports day which I already feel shitty about. Why can't the schools/PTA just bloody get on with it. I'll go to the fairs happily and spend money but running the stalls, giving time I don't have etc is just too much. Even buying cake ingredients and baking is beyond me as the shops are shut by the time I get home. Don't know if I'm guilty or angry or both. How does anyone else feel?

I repeat ! I have never been asked for help, only for money, cakes or donations for school fairs (which I willingly give). I'd love to help to the limited extent I can. But short of jumping up and down in the playground and yelling I don't know what I can do.

omnirian .. i jumped up and down .. see 10:11 post !

I have been full time WOHM and am now a part-time working at home mum and I have to say, I have, in my former life, felt like to original poster felt aggreived at what seems like a constant stream of requests and demands.

I think as a WOHM you often feel a bit ostracised from the school anyway, and particularly from the full-on PTA-type mums, and let yourself fall into the trap of thinking 'if I don't put my own time/ blood sweat and tears into a cake then somehow my DS/DD will be emotionally scarred for life'... They won't!

I am now a more active member of the PTA, but I still get rather cynical at times. We recently evaluated a Spring Fair at which the PTA raised about £3,000 after many months and man-hours of preparation. I pointed out that this equated to £8.80 per pupil, and the same outcome could have been achieved by increasing the annual 'school fund donation from £40 to £45, and adding £1 to school uniform costs (which were already very low compared to typical uniform prices).

As a working parent, I know which one I would have preferred, but I appreciate not everyone would feel the same, and be in a position to contribute more.

You have to decide for yourself what is a reasonable commitment for you in time/ money and then just stick to it.

And if you've contributed a lot recently, or in the past, don't beat yourself up about it if you want to pass on the requests now.

Too right NormaSnorks, the amount of money raised compared to the man hours, effort and sacrifices made is usually pitiful. I would far rather be asked for a tenner a head.

I have 5 kids, 4 of them at school (3 at the same school!!) So its triple the amount of cakes, money, help ect.... As I said earlier even with a baby I help as much as I can. Because money is very tight I help more with time than money and it's not a huge amount of time due to so many kids and a dh of course
Bt I don't feel guilty if I am not able to help for a few months or even a year.
If you do what you feel happy with then thats what matters

Daughter brought home a letter today. Nursery are having a Pirate themed day and would like some buns if anyone has any spare or the time to make any. I like the non forced theory of it. I might get all a bit creative and do some piratey buns. Or just send in a fake bottle of rum and see who twigs

Agnes

I pointed out that this equated to £8.80 per pupil, and the same outcome could have been achieved by increasing the annual 'school fund donation from £40 to £45, and adding £1 to school uniform costs (which were already very low compared to typical uniform prices).

Fair enough but that would put more of strain on any parents unable to afford extra and like me are only able to offer physical help rather than financial!!

The first page of Allison Pearson's "I Don't Know How She Does It" springs to mind, where she's bashing Sainsbury's bought mince pies at 1am to make them look home made....

I really believe that if you can give something, whether it's time, baking skills, or money, then you're doing your bit.

Some may be more able or willing to give time to PFTAs, some may genuinely not have time, but can support them by turning up and sending their hard earnt....it really doesn't matter so long as everyone does something.

I have just never felt at all guilty to opt out of it. It's a "ditching the guilt" mental issue really.

I like to pretend I have too gradniose a career to sully my hands with many school things and send the twins with their nanny to summer fairs (given I'm in year 23 of parenthood some getting fed up with school fairs is understandable although I do get to sports days and concerts. I threw the raffle tickets in the bin with some enthusiasm and happiyl say I'm working on the Saturday so cannot man a stall.

I am happy on sponsorship things to put one tenth of what some people put down too. Also if you put a very low sum down that's helpful to others the children then ask to sponsor who see my original amount.

A lot of these events anyway don't raise much and are a kind of sop to non working mothers to make them think they have some kind of important role when they don't. I suppose some of them enjoy the social side of it but it's a fairly pathetic construct when a good charity fundraiser could pick up the phone and get you a £2k donation in less than an hour by calling the right firms in the right way which is why most of the private schools for fundraising hire those people.

[speechless]

Blimey.....

I.....no, on second thoughts, I won't rise. Pass the popcorn someone, and I really fancy a gin and tonic as well. Can any WOHM who's got a moment make me one? I don't think I can do complicated things like working out the proper proportions - and I might cut myself if I use a knife on the lemon. And I can never remember whether the gin or the tonic goes in first....

Will ignore X's usual pointless trolling.

Yes I think you are being unreasonable, because you're not being harangued. You're being mildly asked. If you don't want to, you don't have to, and no-one is going to do so much as raise their eyebrows to you as a result. I think you're feeling misplaced guilt, but there's no need for it. You don't have to be involved with school stuff, there's no moral or social rule that says you do.

VSS - completely agree.

I agree with Xenia. I wish they would offer a cash donation option instead of all this fuss of the summer fete, Christmas fayre or whatever, they sell cakes that someone has shopped for the ingredients and slaved over and then iced for £3.50. I would rather donate the £3.50 or even a £10 (they could penalise us lazy parents) and they would not need to waste a Saturday in the summer then running the stall. I say this and I actually quite like making cakes but for use by us, when someone is coming for tea or because I want to make one. Not because the PTA gestapo tell me I must. I have in the past helped out, I used to go one afternoon every week to my sons' old school for a period of about 2 years to listen to readers and run the library.

'A lot of these events anyway don't raise much and are a kind of sop to non working mothers to make them think they have some kind of important role when they don't.'

As a non working mother of 5 I know I have an important role looking after my children myself!! (sorry to the otehr working mums) as usual Xenia you know just the right words to piss everybody off

Sod the tonic...just make mine a gin. x

"I wish they would offer a cash donation option instead of all this fuss of the summer fete..."

I don't suppose they'd actually return your cheque, Caroline.....

Must say most active members of our PTA are working PARENTS, yes dads too!

And we don't have a PTA Gestapo.

That's quite an offensive term really.

I remember reading in the paper that one school just worked out what they made a year in donation and asked the parents for a cash amount.

I actually enjoy the social element of fetes etc and would rather give an hour of my time to help out than the approximate cost of my hourly salary. As a matter of fact, I often 'give' both since I've frequently taken unpaid leave to help out at my dd's school for school trips, Christmas parties and class workshops as a parent-helper. Cakes can be bought very cheaply at most supermarkets and indeed are preferred by most schools now for hygiene purposes at fetes. The days of wonky sponges are long gone at my dd's school. The cakes won't sell themselves though which is where the parents come in (who've perhaps not contributed shop cakes). I think it's good that children see that sometimes you have to work (albeit perhaps a trifle inefficiently compared to professional fundraisers) to raise money than just pick up the phone for a company who'll just offset it against tax. And I'm a mum who has complained many a time about 'voluntary donation letters'.

The stalls, fetes etc. are not just about fundraising, they're about bonding, socialising, re-inforcing the school's ethos etc.

All those non-quantifiable, nebulous things you can't bean-count.

well I love it

I work, but help out when I can

do the sponsorship etc

only at playgroup atm, but dd1 starts school in September so I will offer then too

usually they have to colour somehting in, then you sponsor them, where's the harm?

and yes, we shouldn't have to do it, but I live in the real world

and as for Xenia, well from what I have seen, my summer fete involves lots of fun, where's the fun in someone making a phone call? competitive shite, ooooh Jacinta's father proviced a cruise as a prize

give me a overstuffed teddybear anyday