Csa

[Jamboree87]

I know this will be probably be a very unpopular thread but here goes....

My partner had a one nightstand a few years ago and was not informed of pregnancy but was told once said female had had the child. He pays csa but has no contact with the child as the mother has made things difficult let's say.

I'm not saying he shouldn't pay but they take an extortionate amount leaving us struggling most months.

I wonder what everyone's thought are on being made to pay csa when:

A) you were never informed of pregnancy and had no say whether you were willing to be a parent. Asking this as if a female is not ready she can decide either way regardless of the fathers wishes.

B) not being on the birth certificate, surely it makes sense that any parent paying csa should be on the certificate. You are paying for a child you have no say over.

I just want people opinions I feel so upset that we are constantly skint because the csa payments are so high and he gets nothing in return.

We have a child together and we struggle to put clothes on her back yet we pay £££ to child that he has no say over and never sees.

Your partner should not have been accruing arrears while unemployed. If he had no income he should have been on a nil rate.

Ask for a copy of all the calculations made, incomes recorded and payments due. I did this and realised they had almost £3k of incorrectly assessed “arrears” on their system. I was able to send in evidence and the arrears were removed.

Bitchqueen - Yes, by applying for state support - tax credits, child benefit, housing benefit. An NRP cannot claim these in order to help pay for a child - the child element only gets paid to the RP.

You shouldn't be paying arrears from when he wasn't working. No income means no maintenance. Obviously the RPs need for money doesn't stop but if he isn't earning he can't pay. If on job seekers/benefits there's a set amount to pay per week.

There's a lot of emotional replies here. The facts are. He is paying for when he wasn't earning which he shouldn't be doing.

He absolutely should be paying when he IS working.

It is his responsibility to contact cms and sort it out. Send evidence of earnings (they can use hmrc records) and sort it out to send evidence of redundancy and lack of income for the time he wasn't working.

You have to be forthright and diligent as the absent parent and work with the cms. Even if you don't like it make sure it's fair but make sure you pay!

it is irrelevant whether he feels let down by this woman or if she's behaved badly. This is a real child not an abstract concept.

Yes, by applying for state support - tax credits, child benefit, housing benefit. An NRP cannot claim these in order to help pay for a child - the child element only gets paid to the RP.

Exactly. That’s how the RP pays for their child when out of work. People seem to be in denial about the fact that they get help and the NRP doesn’t.

There is also a lot of evidence to suggest strong links between non-resident parent (usually male) suicide and the child maintenance service
If this is true it almost certainly pales into comparison with the number of Resident Parents owed money. There are people owed 6 figure sums!!! There are many heart-breaking stories on here about Resident Parents not eating properly and struggling because of the CMS not using their powers to get money for the child.

There are quite a few staff at the CMS who treat NRPs like criminals
Just as many stories of Resident Parents treated the same

The aim is supposedly to support children, but all of you who have criticised my post, seem happy to see subsequent children suffer in poverty because their parents should have calculated their 'household bills' better. If a NRP has another child then they should calculate whether they can afford another just as they would if they had another child with the RP. If they don't do these budgeting calculations then it is the NRP who is at fault when their subsequent children live in poverty.

They may screw up tens of thousands of NRP payments but there's many more RP who are owed money. If this was Income Tax or VAT then they'd pursue this money more strongly.

There are many heart-breaking stories on here about Resident Parents not eating properly and struggling because of the CMS not using their powers to get money for the child.

RPs are supported by the state regardless of NRP support. They receive the amount the state believes they need to live on. If your statement is true, how does it work for families where the NRP is unable to work or is dead?

Your comment about suicides paling in comparison is awful. Nobody should be dying as a result of CMS involvement. It is possible to hold the truth that NRPs kill themselves and that RPs don’t receive what’s is owed at the same time. We don’t have to diminish either. Both are serious issues that shouldn’t happen.

the system doesn't give a toss about anyone's circumstances receiving or paying which cause a lot of frustration

It would be wrong to take into account circumstances. RP is a millionaire, for example, but why does that mean the NRP shouldn’t make a contribution? What would stop the NRP running up loads of debt if repayments were taken into consideration? Why should an NRP go on to have loads more children without contributing because they are on a low income?

RPs are supported by the state regardless of NRP support. They receive the amount the state believes they need to live on. If your statement is true, how does it work for families where the NRP is unable to work or is dead?

Perhaps spend some time on the lone parents board and get their take on the situation? Or read up on what is happening with Universal Credit? Better still, read up on how Universal Credit is affecting single parents?

A lot of RPs ARE struggling to make ends meet on state benefits. The amount the state thinks they need to live on isn't enough for the majority, with rent costs as high as they are these days.

Maybe if more NRPs did their fair share of childcare then RPs would find it easier to go to work.

RP is a millionaire, for example, but why does that mean the NRP shouldn’t make a contribution?

But yet if the NRP is a millionaire the RP literally doesn’t have to provide anything as the maintenance will cover everything. Suppose that’s ok though, right?

Perhaps spend some time on the lone parents board and get their take on the situation? Or read up on what is happening with Universal Credit? Better still, read up on how Universal Credit is affecting single parents?

I don’t need to. I have been one of those parents. I have been on both sides. Both have serious, even life threatening, issues.

My thoughts on this? Why would you have a child with a man who isn't fighting tooth and nail to see the one he already had?

ut yet if the NRP is a millionaire the RP literally doesn’t have to provide anything as the maintenance will cover everything. Suppose that’s ok though, right?

No. I expect both parents to contribute. Why wouldn’t I?

The resident parent always contributes. If not financially, by doing the majority of the work involved in raising the child.

No. I expect both parents to contribute. Why wouldn’t I?
That’s good.

The resident parent always contributes. If not financially, by doing the majority of the work involved in raising the child
Haha. That doesn’t count for all RPs believe me. Some parents are called RP for benefits/housing/school/maintenance purposes because one parent has to be called that on papaet, but in reality they are no more an RP than the “NRP”.
It’s actually an insult to say that my oh’s ex has done the majority financially and physically over the past 10 years.

*paper

@funinthesun18

Your OH's ex isn't representative of all RPs though. And the fact is that far more men shirk their parenting responsibilities than women.

op would you not apply for child support if your relationship broke down?

in theroy he had a child before you had yours so was it not a bit selfish to plan another child when he already had one he was struggling to support?

do you work op?

Wow, this topic hit a few nerves huh? Well i m a man and a single dad. I have raised my 10yo son since birth. His mother hasnt seen him for 8yrs. Im not here to judge but the truth is that babies dont ask to be born. We bring them into the world and have a duty to provide for them and meet their needs in all ways. If dad accepted paternity then he has to accept the responsibility not just financially but emotionally too and be part of his childs life. I tried to involve my ex but she has her issues to deal with. I dont get or need csa but understand its importance. My point i guess is fighting over money is negative and if you are miserable and upset the children pick up on those vibes and it affects them. Maybe just talking with mediation and looking for a way forward may be an idea? Past is past but futures we can change. It may help and maybe not but worth a go? I make sure my boys needs are met . Most importantly love and security within himself. Peace guys.

You can't accrue arrears if there was no income, they didn't update his income when you informed them.... get him to send a letter with the dates of nil income and any proof of redundancy and new job and request a reassessment. Make sure it's recorded delivery etc etc

Has a paternity test ever been done? If it has he can add himself to the birth certificate, and if he wants to have a relationship with the child he can....If OW won't cooperate just go through the courts.