Csa

[Jamboree87]

I know this will be probably be a very unpopular thread but here goes....

My partner had a one nightstand a few years ago and was not informed of pregnancy but was told once said female had had the child. He pays csa but has no contact with the child as the mother has made things difficult let's say.

I'm not saying he shouldn't pay but they take an extortionate amount leaving us struggling most months.

I wonder what everyone's thought are on being made to pay csa when:

A) you were never informed of pregnancy and had no say whether you were willing to be a parent. Asking this as if a female is not ready she can decide either way regardless of the fathers wishes.

B) not being on the birth certificate, surely it makes sense that any parent paying csa should be on the certificate. You are paying for a child you have no say over.

I just want people opinions I feel so upset that we are constantly skint because the csa payments are so high and he gets nothing in return.

We have a child together and we struggle to put clothes on her back yet we pay £££ to child that he has no say over and never sees.

Also can I just add, CSA would not be taking money unless paternity has been proven whether his name is on the birth certificate or not

This is not strictly true. The CSA/CMS take the details of the parent, call that parent and ask them to confirm they are the child's father. If they say they are, no DNA test required and no name on birth certificate required.

FFS. Your partner cheats on you, impregnates another woman, and you’re angry that he has to pay child support?

What efforts has he actually made to see the child? I’d bet none, or no ‘real’ effort - just the occasional text message.

How much is he earning and paying? At 12% of gross wage you shouldn’t be ‘penniless’ - or is that exaggeration?

As a man, if you don’t want children, don’t have sex - it’s simple. Any woman can become pregnant even on contraception during sex so if you aren’t willing to accept the responsibility, you remain abstinent. I bet he didn’t even wear a condom.

Personally, I think that if you choose not to even tell someone that you are pregnant with their child after a one night stand, then you are making an active choice to raise the child alone and should forfeit the right to child maintenance. It is wrong to deny your child one of their parents, and even more wrong to then expect money from that parent.

I get £29.11 per month from my ex via cms. 'Funding a lifestyle' yeah right

He is not on the bc because he did not turn up despite knowing when and where and several calls and texts if i had been able to give his name and address i could have, as it was i gave it to cms and they are making him pay

Were you together with your boyfriend when he got this woman pregnant or was this before you were with your boyfriend?

NailsNeedDoing Why should the child lose put though. The right for the child to recieve financial support trump any other consideration

reasonably believed the woman on contraception

😂😂😂 yeah, sure. How about men just wear a fucking condom. Even better, get a vasectomy.

Nails she informed him when the child was born which is when his involvement begins. If he has chosen not to pursue contact then that is on him. And suggesting that a child's right to be supported depends on the mother's behaviour is appalling.

@Jamboree87 You do realise that when he leaves you, the next woman will get the same story? He will pay as little as he can, not bother to see your child, and he'll tell the next one he's the victim and you won't let him see his child but spend his money on nail and hair appointments.

@TedAndLola I am very well aware of what men are like my dad is a classic example. If that was the case I wouldn't want his money tbh I'd prove him wrong that I could do it myself and didn't need his money.
I'm pretty sure you obviously think I'm stupid but I'm was merely asking for opinions and thoughts on the matter not for someone to try and tell me what they deem my future entails if I wanted that I'd go to a psychic.

I don’t need my ex’s money. But why should our children miss out? Why should he get to pay nothing at all for the 3 children he was a part of creating? I’ve shown him - managed for 10 years without his money but that doesn’t make it OK.

I agree with Ohreally we are now in a good position financially and don't need his money at all (although I worked F/T as a single mum while he sat on his by giving £6 a month for the first 5 years), BUT why should my son miss out on that money? We put some in a savings account for him and use the rest to pay for the day to day costs of having a child. We now get about £130 a month (although he has defaulted on his last 3 payments), which is a drop in the ocean of what it costs to clothe him, feed him, drive him to and from school, pay for his hobbies etc.

Thanks to all who have given there opinions well the ones that are constructive.

I realise that csa is a necessity in a lot of cases. And I am not saying that the child should lose out because of either of their decisions.

I think that it's slightly unfair to go through a whole pregnancy with no contact then to magically manage to find and contact him a week or two after the birth and no opportunity to be put on birth certificate when the child was born but will take money and chase daily when my partner was made redundant and had no income coming in so couldn't make contributions.

I also know there was no contact as I met him a month or two after the one nightstand and saw the communication between them when she finally decided to tell him.

I stand with Ohreally and Herefor, I worked my butt off as a single parent to ensure my daughter had everything her little heart desired. She never and still does not go without and the only difference is I am a SAHM and my partner works hard to ensure that his family has a good life without complaining and does not expect a dime from the spermdonor.

But not all women are able to work full time and take care of a child for one reason or another. Some are just prepared to go through the crap of pursuing the deadbeat, where there are probably a minority of us who can do without the stress at the time.

@Jamboree87 stop calling her a one night stand when your partner was just as much of a tart that is if she was a one night stand, you do not know the real facts in their story and only believing one side.

Whether he is unemployed or not is not her problem, he still needs to pay towards to the support of their child, that child might have additional needs you do not know about because your lazy ass partner can not be bothered to go and seek legal advice. Stop making excuses when there are fathers in worse positions than yourselves who go to hell and back to see their children and find that the money they pay towards the mother is irrelevant.

Before the two of you decided to have a child of your own it might have been worthwhile to actually sort this mess out before pleading poverty or calling it unfair.

To the people saying ops family still have 88% of her dps income - that's not true is it.

The 12% is taken before tax, NI and pension contribution. So ops family get whatever is left from her partners salary after the csa, tax, NI and pension is paid. Not 88%.

I'm not saying he shouldn't pay, just clarifying the system. (that is stupid it should be on net income).

You keep harping on about the birth certificate. If he wants to be on it go to a solicitor and get put on it. If he doesn't want to be put on it stop harping on about it.

She couldn't have put him on it shortly after the birth unless he was physically there.

Yes it is very unfair, but CMS is beyond unfair and being a Male is unfair as it seems to be woman who get all the ‘power’ as such.

What tosh. The resident parent usually gets a paltry amount compared to the cost of bringing up a child. A lot of NRPs go to great lengths to minimise their income to keep their contributions as low as possible. A fair few just never pay, and end up having maintenance deducted at source because they are non-compliant.

If the child is his, it's absolutely right that he should pay.

He had sex with her, knowing it could result in pregnancy. He gets no right to an opinion after that.

You could have chose to leave him.

What would be different if she had told him when she was pregnant, what actually would he have done about it?

If he wants to see the child and/or be on the birth certificate he can seek legal advice. Let's be honest, his child is costing you a lot less, than it would if he actually bothered with the child.

In short, yes it's absolutely fair he pays for a child he created. If he wanted to have absolutely no risk of pregnancy, he should have had sex with her.

If that was the case I wouldn't want his money tbh I'd prove him wrong that I could do it myself and didn't need his money.

Really, you wouldn't claim something you have a legal right too, you would be happy with him not bearing reaponsibility for his child to prove a point?

You think she is losing her pride by expecting a father to pay for a child.

You shouldn't have stayed with him when you found out he had a baby, that he would be financially responsible for if it was going to bother you. You could have walked away. Or did you stay because you had already got pregnant?

No the 12% is after tax, ni pension abd half private pension, trust me i worked there and got grief when i would not take off other deductions. However it can go up to 30% if csa are collecting arrears

What is the extortionate amount being taken off? Have you informed CSA that you have another child? The money will get reduced.

My ex earns just over £50k and pays me £300pcm and another ex of his he is supposed to also pay her £300 but they have a private arrangement so doubt she sees more than £200.

Sorry OP but your partner is just not interested in his child otherwise he would have been to court. Doesn’t look good for the future. Also, maintenance is a percentage of income. If you have other high outgoings or debts then this is why you are skint, not the CSA. Cut back on outgoings.

Has he had a DNA test? If he is the father he should pay, I doubt the mum went out with the intention of getting pregnant. It doesn't matter how a child is created, both parties have responsibilities.

I do agree that how she handled it is unfair but that won't change.

Musereader the old calculation was after tax and NI. The CMS go on gross income, not net (but pension is still deducted).

Yes, it wasn't fair the way she handled it.

But he should still pay CSA without complaint. CSA should never be optional.

The real issue is him getting access to his child and what exactly he is doing about that. That should be his focus.

Do you actually know for certain what his income is and what his CSA payments are?