To ask colleague why he is so rude

[salterello1]

I work in a school and one of the male teachers is rude to me. We’ve never had anything to do with each other but if I need to speak to him about anything he’s flippant and unhelpful.

If I see him in the corridor and say hi or good morning he kind of murmurs something back but deliberately avoids eye contact.

I’ve previously gone out of my way to try and make small talk to try and be friendly and he completely blanks me.

I’ve seen him laugh and joke with other colleagues so it’s not his personality it’s me.

There is absolutely nothing I could have done to annoy or upset him as we don’t work directly together and therefore have nothing to do with each other.

I’m getting really pissed off with his blatant rudeness towards me and really feel like I want to confront him (politely) and ask if he has some sort of issue with me, but I imagine he will just look at me stupid and act like it’s all in my head (which it’s not) and therefore make me feel even more shit.

The head teacher is lovely but I can’t really go and say anything to him can I? It just looks like I’m being overly sensitive- which I don’t think I am as I generally brush things off but it’s been going on for several years now and it’s making me angry to the point where I’d love to go right up to him and call him an arrogant prick who needs to get over himself!

Any ideas before I punch him in the face?

@salterello1
You're wecome. DD's school insisted all peri lessons conducted before the morning bell, and wouldn't provide allocated space. Children ended up being taught in photocopy rooms, (whilst angry photocopying going on) or in the corridor. Now she's in year 12 at Chet's and playing the Bartok viola concerto. Take heart. Xx

Some people don't have good social skills. I'd try not to take it personally and just be polite and professional. What ever you do, he is unlikely to suddenly become chummy.

There is an alternative approach which is to speak to him. You would need to do this away from the children and staff members. You could ask him “Bob have I done something to upset you?” If you ask this he either have to come out and tell you what the problem is or he will have to dial down the snottiness.

I have found this method quite effective with the right people

Some people don't have good social skills
The OP says he is perfectly all right with other members of staff, he is just an arsehole towards her.

I think he's trying to put the peri back in her place. He's an arse.

I also work with one. He feels awfully small fry compared to some of the men in the office and often goes "what!" or "no!" if I approach him for anything & then tells me to "get away back to your work" or "go away now". I am the only woman & not an especially important member of staff so think he takes it out on me. However, I have the ear of someone higher up than him so hoping he'll get his arse handed to him soon.

Many years ago I was student nurse. My friend and I started on a particular ward and sat down for introductions with the staff. From the very first second that we were introduced to a male nurse he turned his back on me. This nurse was friendly and chatty and popular with every single member of staff as well as students, a thoroughly nice bloke. We continued on the three month stint on the ward and he was vile to me and only me. I couldn't do anything right, he avoided even having eye contact and when he had to speak to me he almost spat the words out. I became more and more confused and distressed. What made it worse is that everyone loved him. I'd never had a problem with anyone else in the hospital and, being so young just didnt know what to do. Eventually other staff noticed and would ask me what I'd done to upset him. On my last day I took a deep breath and asked him what on earth I'd done wrong. I let him know he'd made my time utterly miserable and it wasn't at all fair or professional. He did have the grace to admit his behaviour and told me that from the minute he'd seen me I'd reminded him of someone who had caused him a lot of trouble in his past. He said he knew it was totally unfair but just couldn't even look at me. I think this may be what is known as transference. God I'd like to see someone do that to me now but back in those bad old days things happened that weren't always challenged