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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask colleague why he is so rude

81 replies

salterello1 · 17/10/2018 12:31

I work in a school and one of the male teachers is rude to me. We’ve never had anything to do with each other but if I need to speak to him about anything he’s flippant and unhelpful.

If I see him in the corridor and say hi or good morning he kind of murmurs something back but deliberately avoids eye contact.

I’ve previously gone out of my way to try and make small talk to try and be friendly and he completely blanks me.

I’ve seen him laugh and joke with other colleagues so it’s not his personality it’s me.

There is absolutely nothing I could have done to annoy or upset him as we don’t work directly together and therefore have nothing to do with each other.

I’m getting really pissed off with his blatant rudeness towards me and really feel like I want to confront him (politely) and ask if he has some sort of issue with me, but I imagine he will just look at me stupid and act like it’s all in my head (which it’s not) and therefore make me feel even more shit.

The head teacher is lovely but I can’t really go and say anything to him can I? It just looks like I’m being overly sensitive- which I don’t think I am as I generally brush things off but it’s been going on for several years now and it’s making me angry to the point where I’d love to go right up to him and call him an arrogant prick who needs to get over himself!

Any ideas before I punch him in the face?

OP posts:
Belina · 17/10/2018 13:49

ignore him dont let it bother you its not your problem he has an issue with you

Original poster
salterello1 · 17/10/2018 13:49

Thanks everyone- I’m just going to ignore the twat (as much as I can) and let him wallow in his own self importance-

I actually need to pop into his class room later, but will of course be polite and professional- I’ll be smirking on the inside as he is just a silly little man with probably a microscopic penis 😀😀

OP posts:
ShackUp · 17/10/2018 13:52

You work with my old HoD and I claim my five pounds!

He made me cry on numerous occasions.

ShackUp · 17/10/2018 13:53

Just seen you're a music teacher, it's DEFO my old head of dept!!!!!!

He has a personality disorder, I wouldn't worry...

PlinkPlink · 17/10/2018 13:55

@Salterello1

Ah there you go. That's answered it completely for me. I'm an ex music and drama teacher.

He thinks you are wasting the kids time and encroaching on his teaching time. I've met loads of teachers like this. They're usually maths or science degree people (no offence to those who have maths and science degrees and are actually nice).

Alot of them (not all) look down on the arts. They think it's an excuse for the kids to piss around.

Unfortunately, my whole SMT was like this and they constantly looked down their noses at our staff. It was awful.
He sounds like one of them. Just ignore him.

Original poster
salterello1 · 17/10/2018 13:56

Hadriana lol no you’re WAY OFF but funny thanks Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
salterello1 · 17/10/2018 13:56

Sorry Haffiana predictive text

OP posts:
FlowThroughIt · 17/10/2018 14:00

Other's suggestions sound good, just blank him right back.

Even when you have to interact with him I wouldn't say anymore than absolutely needed. You don't even have to be polite, you don't have to be rude either, there's an in between where you are simply matter of fact about things. If you know what I mean.

Original poster
salterello1 · 17/10/2018 14:02

Shall I tell him I have 2 degrees and only one of them is music - may be he’ll have a bit more respect for me then - actually no he’s not worth my time -

OP posts:
BeaTrewts · 17/10/2018 14:04

Not everybody has to like you/be nice to you

Professional courtesy, politeness and good manners in a work environment should be a fairly standard expectation - particularly in a school.

BrendasUmbrella · 17/10/2018 14:14

I'm glad people have advised you to not approach him. If he really does feel superior over you that would only feed his ego. It's a very female thing to worry about making friends of everyone. Just accept that for whatever reason he dislikes you, nothing you can do about it. It's freeing. Be polite and don't give him any more space in your head.

shearwater · 17/10/2018 14:16

You don't have to be friends with everyone at work and he doesn't have to like you, but you don't have to accept being treated with contempt either.

I'd try and speak privately with him and ask if there is a problem.

Ellie56 · 17/10/2018 14:17

You could always ask him if he has to work hard at being a twat or if it comes naturally.

Original poster
salterello1 · 17/10/2018 14:18

Ellie - I think it’s safe to say it comes naturally Grin

OP posts:
needsomehelpwiththisone · 17/10/2018 14:21

I knew you were a music teacher as soon as you said you took pupils out of his class.

This is a "real teacher" vs "peri" thing. It happens, I've been there. There are teachers who look down their noses at us.

He's a prick - ignore him. Continue taking the pupils from his class to your timetable, not his.

PhilomenaButterfly · 17/10/2018 14:22

If you say "good morning" to someone, it's not unreasonable to expect the same back. I used to work in a theatre and one of the actors (no one famous) was like that. We just didn't say good morning until he did. 😆

Original poster
salterello1 · 17/10/2018 14:25

Just want to point out I definitely do not want to make friends or be his friend-

I also realise he doesn’t have to ‘like me’- in fact I don’t particularly care what his opinions are of me

This is why I’m angry ....,,

I am not treated with respect and professional courtesy that everyone deserves to be be treated with in the work place.

OP posts:
Mylovelies · 17/10/2018 14:32

@salterello1

Keep doing your thing. Despite grumpiness and outright hostility from a tiny minority of school staff, my DD had lessons with a brilliant council peri for 3 years before going off, at her teacher's recommendation, to a specialist music school. She has never looked back. Thank you for your work. FlowersX

LemonAndLimeJuice · 17/10/2018 14:33

Ignore him, people are just crazy. It’s a damn shame you have to work with him, and to be honest, I’ve come across more women like this, but have encountered men like that too.

There no answer to it, I’ve tried what you have before, as I couldn’t understand it.

Just assume he’s secretly gay/ and or secretly in love with you/ secretly dresses up as a baby on the weekend, you’ll feel much better 😀

MammaCee25 · 17/10/2018 14:35

Steal all of the white board pens out of his classroom ... he will stop being a c*nt then.

needsomehelpwiththisone · 17/10/2018 14:35

I’ve come across more women like this

Me too. In fact, the last one I came across like that was the Head of Music. Looked down her nose at all the peris. Once threw me out of the music room because she wanted it for her "class" lesson, which was more important. There was no hope for that school at all.

Thisreallyisafarce · 17/10/2018 14:38

With respect, OP, if you go to the Head with "I don't think he likes me or respects me" and as little to back that up as you have shared here, the Head cannot do anything to help. He hasn't actually done anything wrong, he's just a bit snotty.

Original poster
salterello1 · 17/10/2018 14:42

mylovelies - what a lovely message thank you 🙏

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 17/10/2018 14:45

Sadly some people are just arseholes.
I find they pop up every so often. The only good thing is that now I'm older I know everyone else hates the arsehole too, it's not just me.

auntyflonono · 17/10/2018 14:56

Keep a record, just in case it escalates.