Mothers should always be with their children until they are 3 years old

[abacucat]

This is what one parenting "expert" is recommending in the name of attachment parenting. And he does mean mothers, not fathers. AIBU to think this is a load of rubbish? Babies and toddlers are not damaged as is alleged, from spending time apart from their mother.

www.drmomma.org/2010/07/mother-toddler-separation.html

Just asked my 2 sons (who have both been in nursery since they were around 11 months old) whether they felt hard done by with both parents working, and they've both emphatically said no!

In an ideal world I agree that the best thing is for a child to be with its PARENT but not necessarily its mother.

Is this woman totally un-hinged..obviously financially secure to come out with such a ridiculous statement, we are not all that lucky... I had to go to back to work for financial reasons and for the sake of my sanity

Definitely important to understand research. The Harvard piece mentioned in business Insider doesn’t mention at what age the mothers returned to work and for how long they worked each week. Clearly successful mothers breed successful daughters. That seems obvious but greater clarity is needed as both might well apply with benefits from a SAHM who worked a bit later on in their childhood.

abacucut which traditional tribal society are you referring to and what is your source? It sounds like a convenient generalisation.

The ideal situation is for kids to be with an adult/adults who love and know how to care for them.
THAT IS ALL

I can't help wonder why dr George wooton doesn't cite any research or studies to back up what he says . I mean, doctors usually do..if there's any research which backs up their point. Otherwise it would just be baseless opinion, right?

Zzzzz - So if you’re measuring value by those standards (and I agree with you that qualities such as kindness, empathy, resilience etc are good measures for human kind) then it’s also pretty damn obvious that the important factor is a child having parents who nurture these qualities. Parents who are loving, involved, who set firm, supportive boundaries etc. And it’s also pretty damn obvious that neither working or non working parents have a monopoly on that!

As someone else said - If only it were as easy as ‘mother at home =Happy , resilient, well adjusted child.”

cherrypavlova It was an article written by a well known researcher in attachment theory who ridiculed what this man wrote. And it is up to 50% because it varies tribe by tribe and by mother. Google for it.

Do we think young children show no preference for their mums over other carers? Genuine question. Both mine in nursery from 6 months , 3 days a week. Still seem to have strong preference for me, which I presumed was because I smell, look and sound like the body they came from.

Someone also mentioned adopted children. Having worked closely with a child care legal expert, I would say that most adopted children DO have attachment issues, especially when taken as very small children. Adoption is very hard.:

But the attachment issues are more likely due to their experiences with an unavailable or inappropriate birth parent... not the act of adoption itself (although I agree, that does bring with it a number of issues)

Attachment parenting and attachment disorder are not, in my view, particularly related.

In order to avoid attachment disorder, a child needs an available (physically and emotionally) primary care giver throughout the first couple of years of life. It doesn’t have to be a mother. Otherwise every child who was put in a nursery/childminding situation at the nd of maternity leave would have attachment difficulties and that clearly is not the case

Attachment parenting = less scientific fact and I have to agree that this expert is simply trying to keep women in the kitchen as PP said

Children are usually adopted because they come from terrible backgrounds of abuse and neglect. Really not comparable.

I’m sure everyone got unlimited funds.

My 3 children did a mix of childminder and nursery. Strangely they still managed to know who I was and had a great bond with me, despite me working 3 days a week. They also had a great bond with dad, even though shock horror he worked full time.
They are now grown up, happy, well adjusted and embarking on their own careers after university. Clearly we must have got something drastically wrong as according to Dr Twat, we should have raised 3 unhappy, insecure people

Of course children have a preference for their parents over nursery workers, and for any other well known family figure such as grandparents etc. That doesn't mean they can't be happy and confident at nursery/childminder and so on.

I too think this theory is rubbish But, what about those theories spouting that if mother's did not go out to work then the labour force would be scarcer making business more eager to gain personnel by paying high rates to men and females who didn't have children to care for then one wage would cover all the costs. Supply and demand kind of. And, the school of thought that the modern female wants it all, ie money, independence and children without taking responsibility for the choices made on how to achieve these.

Do we think young children show no preference for their mums over other carers? Genuine question.

Often they will show a preference for their mother

But being absent from a (preferred) mother even for extended periods of time will not, in itself, result in attachment disorder

To be fair I don't get why people have kids just to stick them with a childminder or other family members. Your not the one bring up your kid everyone else is.

😂 By that age I was lucky if mine wanted to be in the same room as me! What tosh.

"To be fair I don't get why people have kids just to stick them with a childminder or other family members. Your not the one bring up your kid everyone else is."

Oh dear. No loving parent does this. Using a child minder or family carer is not the same as abandoning your child at the door of an orphanage. You just make yourself sound ridiculous by stating such judgemental tripe.

Can I just check, if you hold this belief, do you equally despise fathers who hand off all care to their partners and work away/full time?

DotForShort you could read that research as the daughters of Sahp value the role and are more likely to embrace it. It’s illogical to use how many working women or how much of an academic career someone had as a measure of the success of their parents parenting decisions. Ask who is happier, or braver or kinder? Ask who gives more back to society? Ask who is more likely to be called on in extremis? I have no idea which group would “win” but working Mums breed more working daughters CANT be the measure.

Why on earth wouldn't you value girls receiving higher levels of education and achieving greater career success? And boys growing up to be more involved in childcare and housework? Those are all beneficial results to society at large.

I don't know about research focusing on bravery or kindness, but the study referenced above did look into happiness as well. And the results are that children of working mothers end up just as happy as those of SAHMs.

As for daughters of SAHMs valuing that role, I think it can work both ways TBH. My own mother, bless her, was not at all suited to being a SAHM though she did occupy that role when I was young. She absolutely blossomed when she returned to work. Entirely anecdotal, of course, but I knew from an early age that I wanted to pursue a career rather than SAH, in part from witnessing my mother's experiences.

Attachment parenting is total bullshit IMHO. Don't know anyone who hasn't raised a needy kid with major sleep issues.

Today 19:18 lauramaywharton

‘To be fair I don't get why people have kids just to stick them with a childminder or other family members. Your not the one bring up your kid everyone else is.’

Hahahahahahahahahaha
(And grammatically incorrect and mis spelt as well as shit!)