Mothers should always be with their children until they are 3 years old

[abacucat]

This is what one parenting "expert" is recommending in the name of attachment parenting. And he does mean mothers, not fathers. AIBU to think this is a load of rubbish? Babies and toddlers are not damaged as is alleged, from spending time apart from their mother.

www.drmomma.org/2010/07/mother-toddler-separation.html

I suppose this 'expert' has the funds to dish out to families that cannot afford to live on the man's wage for 3 years huh? To support them financially and pay some of their bills?

FFS, what world do these numpties live it?!

The "expert" acknowledges that some mothers have to work. But it should be a necessity. If you actually want to work presumably you are a very neglectful mother.
Utter nonsense.

Sexist claptrap designed to keep women in the kitchen

I agree that in an ideal world they should have 1-1 care and attention until that age but not necessarily from the mother.

YABU to say a load of rubbish, as I'd go as far as saying a load of bullshit!
Sometimes both parents need to work. Doesn''t mean they're any less loved,and when you get home with them you spend time with them too.
Plus mum is a person too and needs to retain some sort of identity or get out every now and again for her own sanity.
And breathe!

bumsex And what about if parents have other young children?

It is just his opinion. It's not based on any specific research, he's extrapolating for his own agenda.

I cannot see any reason why a father couldn't be a primary care giver. Presumably he also thinks that adopted children are automatically traumatised by not being with their mother?!

God, I hope my widowed friend doesn't come across this. His children were both under 3 when his wife died.

So, what happens at 3 that mothers can suddenly leave their side?

Why not 33?

Complete, total, and utter nonsense.

I think his idea is that at around 3 years old they can understand that you'll be back later and so not be traumatised if you're not there.

According to the note at the end of the article, this guy has eleven children. So his wife was supposed to spend a total of thirty-three years with those children exclusively? Presumably some of that time overlapped, but still. Jesus.

For a man with such a large brood, he clearly has no clue about raising children. And his snide comments about maintaining a two-income lifestyle are eyeroll-worthy.

I think it's healthy not to be so attached.

I genuinely don’t understand how your children are meant to learn that you will come back if you never leave. I’m a SAHM so I spend the majority of my time with the DC but I have no qualms about leaving them with DH, a well trusted friend, grandparents etc. I think my mental health would devolve really fast if I put this pressure on myself.

My dd has been to nursery since she was nine months old, she is know three. It has not done her any harm she is my best friend. And she loves me and I love her, we have a great bond and an amazing mother-daughter relationship. So he is chatting crack

Nonsense. I was in a daycare from nine months old. It made me charming, adaptable, gregarious (if I do say so myself), and rarely-prone to colds. I also adore both of my parents.

Plus, in two months I'm celebrating the wedding of one of my best friends, whom I have known since we were infants together in daycare and who is a well-adjusted professional with a wicked sense of humor. We are generally undamaged.

Ffs a man wrote this? Shocker. More guilt tripping nonesense.

My ds went to nursery from 12 months, he may have had no concept of time but he sure knew that I came back at the end of each day to collect him.

If you actually want to work presumably you are a very neglectful mother.

Sexist bollocks, that's what this is.

Is this person paying for 3 years’ maternity pay for all women out of their own pocket?

Yeah load of rubbish. This expert isn’t an expert and even expert advice is frequently wrong. I have a theory that taking parenting advice from “experts” has been hugely damaging to our generation of parents actually. All it’s created is anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, and industry driven by selling this crap.

The thing is, the idea of a stay at home mother, or parent in general, 100% dedicated to child care is a relatively new idea that came with the industrial age. Prior to the industrial age the idea that an able bodied adult would sit around playing with/monitoring kids would be unheard of. Women worked alongside men in the fields, or were busy preserving food, making soap/candles (which is actually strenuous work),etc. Once the kid could no longer be strapped to them they were left with older siblings/elderly. The idea that it takes a village is literal, it did take a village to keep children alive.

Somehow we've managed to get this far....

Children need love, attention, conversation from SOMEONE to develop healthily. Bollocks it has to be the mother all the time though. Sexist and homophobic.

Yeah this is silly.

I know a lot of kids who have benefitted from spending time in nursery.

Ideally I would like best of both, part time work with nursery. I think if every woman had to stay home for 3 years with their child it has the potentially to create a lot of problems with mental health. Not to mention financially.

It's his wife I feel sorry for. It says in the bio at the end that they have 11 children together - holy crap. That makes for about 20 years that poor woman has been trapped at home with a child / children under 3 inseparable from her. Either she is in some kind of Stockholm Syndrome abusive marriage situation or she has some martyr complex.

Who cares what this old fart thinks? I'd respect his opinion more if he had been a stay-at-home dad for a while but nope just another creepy patriarch foisting his child-rearing ideas on women and burdening his wife with 11 children.

Ha ha it says about the dual wage to which people have become accustomed...oh what like the luxuries of paying extortionate rent or being able to eat. FML, what a dickhead.