To ask for advice in getting through the next 48 hours?

[survivalmode]

I have a 4mo and a preschooler. DH is away for work until late Thurs. I've barely been able to find time to wee today. Sat here utterly exhausted waiting for the bigger one's bedtime.

I know this is normal for some people. But I have PND and feel absolutely terrified. My mind is going to dark places 'What if I die?' 'What if one gets really ill?' 'and I feel like something awful is going to happen to us all.

How can I get through the next hour? The whole evening? The long night? I feel so alone.

Deep breath. You will be ok. Do you have anyone at all that can help you? Even a mum friend from a group? Is your preschooler at nursery?

Are you on medication for your PND?

Break it down to one hour at a time. Has the older child had dinner? Have you? Fish fingers and oven chips, scrambled egg/beans and toast, all ok.

Then pop both of them in front of CBeebies while you get their pjs and teeth done.

If they get ill, you phone 111. But most likely they won't. You can do this.

Ok stick on cbeebies for the eldest...bribe with sweets/chocolate. It's not the end of the world for a couple of days.

Is baby fed and has a clean nappy?..if yes, pop in bouncy chair somewhere safe.

Go and have a cup of tea and something nice to eat.

Any family and friends you can call? If not, there's tons of posters on here who've experienced what you are experiencing and will chat to you.

If you feel really bad, call your hv or gp...

Deep breath. Nothing bad is going to happen.What calms you?

What makes your older one sleepy quicker? Warm hot chocolate as a special treat?

As for all night, some of us will be here all night too . Come and join us night owls.

No family close by. I'm on medication. I'm sat with CBeebies on already and counting the minutes to pj time.

I feel for you. I don't have PND but I am on my own with my bunch with the worst headache and just counting down the minutes til DH gets home. Cooking dinner (pizza ) felt like a job of work and now I'm just laying on the lounge floor distracting myself with mumsnet (probably not great for my headache)... Anyway OP the time will pass and you will get through it. Lots of Cbeebies, early nights and bribery where necessary xx

I'm thinking I might go to bed with the baby at about 8. I'd miss Bake Off but I'm too tired and anxious to focus on it anyway.

Totally understand your feeling. I’m here with an ill preschooler, 1 month old and year 1 child.

Ill preschooler is in bed.

Oldest watching tv on iPad with headphones
Youngest breastfeeding

My plan is this I think a plan helps
Get baby to sleep
Oldest early bedtime
As soon as they all asleep I will grab food hand drink I can keep by bed, settle in with tv on my iPad

I will check on ill one every couple of hours. If she gets really ill she can sleep in my room on mattres on floor

If she starts anything really unpleasant like vomiting it will be shit but short lived and baby will have to do a lot of crying and aim will simply be survival

Make yourself a cup of tea with a sugar. Have you all had dinner? Get the eldest into their pj's and into bed and sit with the baby and watch something on TV, maybe start a box set to take your mind of things.

So the older one has had tea?
Are they playing up or are they calm but you're in anxiety mode.

They're calm. Older one has eaten picky stuff (they have ASD). I keep feeling like I'm about to cry and having to take deep breaths.

Is there anyone you can ring OP? Mum, sister m, friend? Just to speak to another adult for a bit?

Mum's dead. 

That sounded abrupt and rude, sorry. It wasn't meant to. The PND has scrambled my brain a bit. Made me less able to explain myself.

You're doing great! Definitely have an early night!

It's ok. You've fed everyone. They're calm. You're actually doing fine, your anxiety isn't letting you see it. Going to bed with the baby is a good idea, you need rest.

Oh OP - I’ve been in a similar situation - it’s awful. Do whatever you have to. Feed the preschooler chocolate, unlimited screens, whatever you need. Skip bathtime, all sleep together - it’s a hard thing you just need to get through.

Sending a big hand-hold.

Seriously - you could be me - my mum is dead too and my older DS has ASD. It’s very hard.

Don't worry OP, I just thought if you could physically talk to someone it might help you a bit. Keep going you're doing well.

Is there anybody, even if not close in distance, who you can ask to check on you before bed and in the morn via a text message. If they can drop you a text so you can reply to say you’re ok, then you know that if you don’t reply they’ll know there’s an issue and get help.

Otherwise I’d say work through the worst case scenario. Kid gets ill - either bad enough to call 111 or an ambulance or just a long night and not fun. Baby won’t sleep - ditto, not fun but you can plan a pj and sofa day tomorrow etc

I find I feel less anxious if I check doors/windows before it is dark and get organised in terms of where keys and shoes and coats are in case we need to leave in the night or let a doctor in for example. Take things you need up to bed now - water, kids medicines, nappies and wipes etc. Put your pjs on

Nearly bedtime for the eldest then you can go to bed with the baby and hopefully it’ll be morning before you know it.

We've spoken before @Merryoldgoat - I've n/c for this post.

I think going to bed when they do is a good call, with iPad, kindle, provisions, whatever works for you. I have been in your position and my advice would be to get as much sleep as you can when they are asleep and get them as early to bed as you can. Use as many bribes as you can and believe you can and will get through this.

Offers handhold, I dont have any children so no PND here but I have been thru severe depression and anxiety.

Here is a sheet which has helped me, take what you need from it. Whatever applies adapt it for yourself.

Keep posting and we will all help you thru this time and

You have got this. You have already made great choices, you plan to go to bed with the baby, children are fed and calm. Do you know the 54321 technique? Really helps my anxiety when my mind is racing. I'll find a link and post it. Whenever your mind goes off, find a way to "root" yourself again (run hands under cold water, notice feeling, take shoes and socks off and stand on ground, feel ground beneath your feet etc). Your only priority over next 2 days is food, water, clean (and clean can be ditched). If you can ,make a plan to meet someone each day. Even for an hour. Byte time you get ready, etc out and back, that's most of a day with wee ones! And if you need to cancel if too much to eat out, then do. YOU HAVE GOT THIS. YOU ARE ENOUGH.