To ask for advice in getting through the next 48 hours?

[survivalmode]

I have a 4mo and a preschooler. DH is away for work until late Thurs. I've barely been able to find time to wee today. Sat here utterly exhausted waiting for the bigger one's bedtime.

I know this is normal for some people. But I have PND and feel absolutely terrified. My mind is going to dark places 'What if I die?' 'What if one gets really ill?' 'and I feel like something awful is going to happen to us all.

How can I get through the next hour? The whole evening? The long night? I feel so alone.

www.therapistsb.com/blog/post/5-4-3-2-1-coping-technique

Bed is a great idea. You sound like you've covered all the stuff you need to: pj time and then duvet time for you. Sending good thoughts.

You are doing wonderfully op. When I feel like this, I imagine my home as a fortress. I lock the doors, shut the curtains and do something cosy. This is usually a film in my bed with dd, snuggled up together. She loves it because she loves that closeness. I love it because I'm meeting her emotional needs when I feel too emotionally raw to achieve much at all.

You are doing a brilliant job, your children love you no matter what. You will be ok.

I agree bed is a great idea. It sounds like you need some rest. When I get overwhelmed I break the day into short periods of time ie advert breaks. Get to the next one and get up, or make tea or text someone who loves me. Take care and look after yourself.

Kids in pjs now. Bigger one having his milk.

Kids in pjs now. Bigger one having his milk

Great job op!

Honestly, your DH shouldn't be going away for work right now OP - I've been there with PND and just the 4 month old and I would have completely collapsed if DH had gone away. He needs to be home to support you whenever he can.

You are doing amazingly to have got this far. Early night sounds like a great idea - take up a hot chocolate or a glass of wine and maybe read a chapter or two in bed. Everything is going to be okay.

If you're in NI and I can get to you I'll happily come and keep you company tomorrow. I'm sure any of your mum friends or acquaintances would too - I'd do it for any of mine.

Kids in pjs now. Bigger one having his milk.

Brilliant, one thing at a time. Bath time next? How does the wee one usually sleep?

As Kaytee says - one thing at a time. You’ll get there - promise.

It’s so tough some days. My DH is working late and I’m having a tough night but am kind of just getting on with it, if that makes sense.

I thought you sounded familiar - please PM me if you want to - I do understand.

Top work op. Assume as they are in PJs, it is milk, story, bed? Assume that is what you are up to now and soon time for you to chill.

How are you doing OP?
Is your preschooler asleep now? Mine has fallen asleep a few minutes ago, a bit later than normal tonight. He had a longer nap this afternoon. My 5yro fell asleep about 7.30. DH is working nights tonight, so I'm off to bed with a hot chocolate, IPad to watch something and have a browse on mumsmet and I'm not bothered it's only 8pm !!

Hope you're ok, OP. You've totally got this. Keep posting for company and a handhold, I'm sure at least some of us will be up half the night!

Sounds like your doing great! Just take everything one step at time I know that is easier said than done but you have got this!

I hate these nights...I'd go to bed early too as soon as the kids have. Before I go, I make sure we all have drink cups with water by our beds, I have the thermometer, calpol, tissues, etc to hand, along with a pen and paper to write down the time, temperature and any medicine given, as my memory isn't great especially if I'm tired. Old towels and a bucket handy if it's a sickness bug. Phone on charge. Basically everything set out ready so I don't have to go rummaging around in a dark house looking for stuff when I'm on my own with a poorly little one. Doors locked, leave a light on downstairs if it makes you feel more comfortable, nice cup of tea and then relax reading stuff on here, playing games online or anything to chill out. Then try and sleep. I find the early hours of the morning the worst, but just keep counting down til CBeebies starts again!

Just got into bed. Had a M&S ready meal and put the baby to bed. Grabbed a shower, then did the dishwasher and the bottles and made the bigger one's packed lunch for pre school tomorrow. Laid out clothes for all three of us for the morning. Still panicking but at least I'm ready for the morning now.

I promise you wlll be ok OP! I’m sure you can get through a minute at a time, and keep distracting yourself by doing things step by step, to take your mind off the anxiety and PND. I hope this will make you feel a bit better if I say that I have three days a week on my own with a 4 month old and a 7 year old when my DH is away each week, and I am doing ok. I have a drug induced movement disorder that causes me grief and anxiety but I manage each day an hour at a time until DH comes home.

You will be fine - you’re doing brilliantly

OP you are doing a brilliant job. I bet half the people replying to you are in bed also, and you've already got a jump on tomorrow which is definitely more than I can say. I too have had those dark thoughts about worst case scenarios and so I sympathise; but tomorrow is a new day, and we're all here to support you if you wish.

That's pretty awesome OP. Hope you sleep well tonight x

You've done more than I have op. You've actually just given me a kick up the arse I needed 

OP I have been and regularly am where you are. I barely recognise myself with how terrified I am alone with the children and the weight of responsibility.

Some things which help me:

Distraction - housework, cleaning, doing dishes, cooking (something like a stew) very physical stuff that you can throw your weight behind

Watching comedy on TV

Doing one of the YouTube yoga sequences for anxiety

I find that when the sun comes up I feel better. So if you go on the weather app and see what time the sun rises where you are and then with each hour that passes you are closer to the sun rising and other people being awake and where you can get help if you need to.

I find that looking at other people’s Instagram stories is very helpful because it’s people all over the world in different time zones and they are awake and going about their day. And it’s distracting too.

Chatting with friends on wats app or on mumsnet.

If sick kid is really ill, having a physical barrier between you like a door helps so that you can mentally prepare yourself before going in to deal with them. Also having a plan of action is important so that you don’t panic and fall into inaction. Eg administering medicine, tissues, towels, drinks, calling 111.

If I think of any more I will add more

Sounds amazing! Good work

I used to be totally terrified of nights on my own with two little ones and no dh

Now I’m the other way I look forward to those nights, I get kids to bed as early as I can trick them and settle in with treats and tv, no disturbance !

Nothing is easy with a small baby though, you are doing well

You are miles better organised than I am!
Sounds like there's nothing left to do tomorrow 🙂

Hope you had s good night?!l

Clearly too early, I can't type properly yet!

Morning! Hope the night was ok? My 18mo is cutting molars and my 7yo has a cold, sleeping not happening here!! You're doing fab, I also have PND and a husband who works nights a lot, it's pants, but you'll be ok.x