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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if your husband/partner goes to the gym or exercises regularly?

131 replies

JustGettingStarted · 16/10/2018 13:47

And, if so, do you?

The reason I ask is that I have noticed a discrepancy in the typical age ranges of gym goers. I see men of all ages (18-70's) at the gym at all times of the day. However, I mostly only see women either younger than 25 or older than 40. I see relatively few 30yo women at the gym, but lots of 30yo men - many wearing wedding rings.

Then, I notice on here many threads from women with younger children looking for tips on home workout videos, how to get in shape without a gym, etc.

I sometimes think that mothers are staying home while fathers feel free to take time to exercise.

Just curious to hear your annectdata!

OP posts:
GameOldBirdz · 16/10/2018 13:50

I'm 32. I don't use the gym but I swim nearly every day and go to exercise classes twice a week

DH is 32 and has never stepped foot in a gym in his life. He very occasionally lifts some weights at home (like once a month maybe).

Joey7t8 · 16/10/2018 13:50

Probably 50/50 at my gym. Men outnumber women in the actual gym itself, but women outnumber men in most classes and also the pool.

lovetherisingsun · 16/10/2018 13:51

We take it in turns, so one looks after the kids whilst the other goes.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 16/10/2018 13:51

37 here and I go 4/5 times weekly. DH never uses the gym (he's mid 40's) so I make him walk the dog and take the DC bike riding every day to get his heart going.

At the classes at my gym it's 80/20 women, in the actual gym probably 80/20 men.

BIWI · 16/10/2018 13:51

Well yes, but we're both in your older demographic Grin

I train twice a week with a PT, and DH goes out for a run 6 out of 7 days.

I have to say though, when we had small children, I was the one going regularly to the gym, and he didn't do anything.

I could do it as we had a nanny and I also worked for myself, so I used to go at 7.30am before she turned up, (DH was in charge!) and then I'd get back home in time to start work at 9.

pangolina · 16/10/2018 13:52

Well I work in a gym and in my experience you are largely correct. The majority of women in the 25-40 age group come to fitness classes that work around school drop off times and when the creche is open.
The ones with small kids will usually have them in tow and will put them in the creche for a couple of hrs while they workout or swim. A lot of their partners are also members and come whenever, no kids in tow, and stay for longer.
My OH regularly works out as do I, but wr have no children

Original poster
JustGettingStarted · 16/10/2018 13:52

That counts as to what I'm looking for! It just occurred to me that there may be more women who swim or do classes. - I'm usually in the gym and I don't even attend classes.

It may be that younger women are doing things I don't see. However I do see plenty of women my age (late 40's) lifting weights in the gym. And then plenty of early 20's (usually doing lower body to build up their glutes!)

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 16/10/2018 13:55

I don't have a partner but I do plenty of classes at a dance studio (my version of a gym).

If I had a partner, I wouldn't let his hobbies get more time than mine or the children's; it would have to be a 5 way split instead of a 4 (have 3 children). Is that what you mean? That you think men get a larger proportion of free time than women?

Cherries101 · 16/10/2018 13:56

I go rock climbing, sailing, rowing, walking / hiking and tend to meet loads of women in the 30-40s bracket. I think women (especially working women with a little spare cash) in this age group prefer exercise experiences over routine gym work.

Stonebake · 16/10/2018 13:57

DH and I are about equal on this. At the moment neither of us goes to the gym. We just walk for exercise. It’s not ideal but we have really young children and it’s all we can fit in at the moment. You would be more likely to find me at the gym than dh though, as I like the classes, but I just don’t have time right now. Easier to find exercise we can do with dcs in tow, which seems to be walking.

Nogoodusername · 16/10/2018 13:59

I’m 38. I had a few years of no exercise when my children were small (now 8 and 4) because I was either at work and running between childcare drop off and pick up, or had small children at home with me. (I work part time since my first maternity leave, 2 office days and 2 half days at home). I didn’t have the energy to do a class one DH gets home at 8pm until a couple of years ago. I went back to the gym about two years ago when eldest was 6 and youngest was 2, at first a Saturday class, then picked up one evening class. When the youngest started school attached nursery, I was able to squeeze in a class while at home, and now he is at full time school so manage a couple of day time classes, one evening and one weekend

VauxhallVectra · 16/10/2018 14:00

My DP works in a gym. According to him:

He reckons men in their 20s go to actually work out

Men in their 30s and 40s go to escape their kids, ogle the young women who are working out, and see if there's any chance of an affair

Men in their 50s are having a mid-life crisis because they suddenly get scared of dying young. They also like to ogle and are looking for an affair

Men in their 60s and 70s are actually trying to work out

Men in their 80s are either fit as fuck and genuinely working out, or they're just after a bit of company

He hasn't enlightened me about the women's motivations!

Essexgirlupnorth · 16/10/2018 14:01

No neither is go to the gym going to go swimming in my day off now my daughter is at school.
We did join the gym last summer while my Choir was on a summer break but gave up after a couple of months as was struggling to find time to go around my other hobbies and some of the member weren't very welcoming.
I don't know many of my colleagues in their mid thirties find much time for exercise.

Looneytune253 · 16/10/2018 14:03

I’m 35 and I go to regular classes which aren’t part of the gym. My dh is 45 and goes to the gym most days but fits it into his working day. Neither of us wear wedding rings though so you wouldn’t realise we were married lol.

QueenoftheNights · 16/10/2018 14:04

It's a bit of an odd question to ask in AIBU as you aren't being 'unreasonable' about anything Hmm

But yes, mine does. Gym around 3 x a week, cycling 2-3 times a week, long cycle rides with club ( 80 miles) rock climbing (wall climbing) now and then. He's mid 60s.

ThistleAmore · 16/10/2018 14:06

Interesting - and something I'd never noticed.

We don't have kids, but the OH and I regular gym-goers (3-4 times a week each, although not together).

I see a lot of:

a) women my age (late 30s)
b) women older than me (40+)
c) women considerably younger than me (18-25)
d) men my age
e) men older than me (40+)
c) men considerably younger than me (18-25)

...but not a lot of women I would consider to be of 'child-bearing age', i.e. 25-35.

You're right, there IS a missing demographic. That's weird. I will ask the gym manager next time I'm in.

mowglik · 16/10/2018 14:12

We take it in turns, or my dh gets up mega early and goes to gym at work and I go in the evenings while he puts the kids to bed. Same with my sis and brother and their partners, we’re all in our 30s.

Stonebake · 16/10/2018 14:15

Oh I feel like I have to start going to the gym now just to change the demographics! The last time I was at the gym I did notice I was the oldest woman there and I think I was about 32 at the time. But my local gym has a deal with schools that their sixth formers can come and use the gym in school hours I think. They come instead of PE and their rugby team comes for training.

There weren’t any men in my age bracket either. Just teenagers and older.

Pursefirst · 16/10/2018 14:15

Myself and DH go to the gym 5-6 times a week (no kids). We both go early morning 3 days and then I do evenings 2-3 times, whereas he always goes in the morning. I'm 35 and he is 37.

I find that there are probably more men and women in their 20s/early 30s there overall. Possibly more women in their 20s though than early 30s. We both use the actual gym though, whereas I find that the group fitness classes are definitely 90% women. It's something I'm going to be aware of in future though! Interesting indeed OP.

BarbaraofSevillle · 16/10/2018 14:17

Look at all the posts on here from women complaining that they don't have any time to themselves because they're at home with the DCs while their DH/P is at the gym several times a week. There's your answer - unequal leisure/exercise time in many families.

romany4 · 16/10/2018 14:17

I'm 46, DH 49.
Neither of us have ever set foot in a gym.

BarbaraofSevillle · 16/10/2018 14:18

But then again, some women find 'the gym' an intimidating environment so might prefer to exercise in women only spaces or just go running instead.

NorthEndGal · 16/10/2018 14:21

Dh goes to the gym 3 or 4 times per week at work, he is in the navy, and its required
I do not go to the gym

Lovemusic33 · 16/10/2018 14:27

I’m 36 and use the gym in the mornings, there are a few women my age (probably mums going after the school run) along with a mixture of older men and women, not so many younger ones as I’m guessing they are working or have children to look after. I don’t have many friends that go to the gym, I know lots of people that have never set foot in one.

adaline · 16/10/2018 14:31

Neither of us go to the gym as the nearest one is 40 minutes drive away. DH cycles though and does that a few times a week, and he does have a weight set at home that he uses occasionally.

I walk the dog - that's my exercise!