DD going off sick when she doesn't need to. AIBU to say she can't stay at home during her shift times?

[AshleyMarie]

This isn't just 1 shift. She has already self-certified for a week. Has a doctor appointment tomorrow. She has a health condition which isn't currently affecting her, but is pretending it is. I'm really annoyed at her. She says she just wants a break off of work, but don't we all!? She has holiday dates that she has already booked, so it's not like she gets no breaks from it. She doesn't get sick pay, so that's the only 'okay' thing about this. I think it's really bad for me to encourage her/approve of this and think saying she can't be at home during her shift time would be a good idea. Opinions?

Has she explicitly said that the health condition isn’t affecting her? Or is this your assessment?

Over 18 and paying rent? Stay out of it.

Under 18? Inappropriate to force her to go to work.

18, but not paying rent.

She has said it isn't affecting her, but it's "the best reason to use".

What difference does it make if she's at home?

Start charging her rent. But still stay out of it.

The difference is, I'm basically saying it's fine for her to be sitting there.

What health condition does she have?

I ask because I have thyroid, Addisons and anaemia issues and throughout my working life I would have lots of sporadic time off because I just felt unable to keep going in the same way others would. I wouldn’t be “ill” as such but just didn’t have the energy levels. Are you sure something like this isn’t going on? If so I would try to be supportive. It’s very difficult having chronic / health issues.

Yes, charging rent would be good in this situation. The problem is I never charged her 2 older brothers rent. Could I just say I am because of the sickness thing?

I think you should let her learn about consequences for herself. When she doesn’t get paid or is ultimately let go for missing too much work she will understand the lesson.

You could start charging her for accommodation, however, to help make that point more clearly.

Over 18 and paying rent? Stay out of it.

And if she loses the job then what? OP keeps her for free or chucks her on the street?

Under 18? Inappropriate to force her to go to work.
Why???

Imo taking time off just because you "want a break from work" is not living in the real world and I wouldn't give someone acting like that the free run of my house.

Cross post - hard to charge her if you didn’t charge her brothers. I would instead just be tempted to leave her to it, as an adult, and accept that ultimately she will learn that skiving work has real world consequences.

BarbarianMum

That's just my opinion - no need for the ??? is there?

Chores at home for the amount of time she’s due in work?

There shouldn’t be a pay off for her. So I would say.... if no rent, then chores. Make sure it’s not more appealing to be at home than at work. She needs to hear- keep phoning in sick inappropriately = no job..... ask her what her plan is then......

I would feel very uncomfortable with her staying at home as well. She’s getting into a habit of not working where at 18 she needs to develop the work habit! I remember thinking “dear god I have 40 years of this” when I started working but it sounds like she is really miserable in her work. Most of us have to go to work to pay bills, this incentive isn’t there for her.
I would be charging her rent, even if a bit nominal, and kicking her out the house.

Switch off the WiFi and give her a list of jobs in lieu of rent. She’s taking the piss. However she is young and foolish and if she’s seen outside the house she could potentially get into trouble.

I had a colleague who said that if he hadn't been sick until October he would take a few sick days in November to "use up" those days before Christmas.

So she's hardly alone in her thinking but it's odd that she's going as far as to go to the GP and pretend to be unwell instead of just phoning in sick.

Kicking her out when she is mean to to be at work!

So, is her doctor's appointment tomorrow completely unnecessary then? As in, she just wants the appointment so she can get signed off for longer, but she doesn't actually need medical advice? That would annoy me more than anything else, given how many people find it hard to get appointments they actually need.

I’d be giving her a list of extra chores in addition to the ones she should already be doing as a. part of living in a shared household and b. living in that shared household for free - PLEASE tell us she does plenty around the house already?

I’d have her up and out of bed at the time she should be up for work with plenty of stuff to fill her day.

If she doesn’t like it there are plenty of places she can go and live rent free whilst she skives off work.... oh wait

Turn off wifi or change password - she’ll soon head out

Yes, charging rent would be good in this situation. The problem is I never charged her 2 older brothers rent. You've painted yourself into a corner. You can't start charging her now. You've no sanctions you can impose beyond extra chores/cooking for the household. But maybe have a grown-up conversation about how shirking work is probably not a great idea.

My daughter is 19 and had a late night last night (back home at 11:45). When I asked her why she was home so late she said she had an upset tummy. This didn't make sense to me because surely if you weren't well you'd come home earlier rather than later than usual? I didn't believe her tbh because she wasn't showing any signs of being unwell. Lo and behold this morning she got up and said she wasn't going in to work. I think she just wanted a lie in because of the late night so I told her to get her backside to work. She's doing an apprenticeship, has only been there for 2 months, and yesterday was complaining it was boring. She has already had some time for medical appointments, and I don't want to encourage her to skive off and develop a poor work ethic. She was fine when she left for work, and I haven't heard from her, so pretty sure she's ok.

If your DD can't be persuaded to go to work then as others have said, turn off the wifi if you can, and give her chores to do instead.

Leave her to it. She won't have any money. Don't lend it her. Make sure she's paying for her share of food.

It's very irresponsible OP and I can see why you're worried.

Long term condition or not, she's going to end up with her levels of absence coming under the radar at some point. I'd let her wait for the inevitable to be honest, and don't let her get away with lazing around. Pester her for chores and turn the wifi off.

Yes she does her part around the house with chores. She won't care if I turn off the internet, she will be doing school work. However, she has time to do this outside of work, so I'm sure she only does that to make me think it isn't so bad.