DD going off sick when she doesn't need to. AIBU to say she can't stay at home during her shift times?

[AshleyMarie]

This isn't just 1 shift. She has already self-certified for a week. Has a doctor appointment tomorrow. She has a health condition which isn't currently affecting her, but is pretending it is. I'm really annoyed at her. She says she just wants a break off of work, but don't we all!? She has holiday dates that she has already booked, so it's not like she gets no breaks from it. She doesn't get sick pay, so that's the only 'okay' thing about this. I think it's really bad for me to encourage her/approve of this and think saying she can't be at home during her shift time would be a good idea. Opinions?

Sounds like she’s struggling with her workload to be honest. I assumed from your OP that she was in FT work.

I would probably explain to her the impact of taking up NHS services when it’s not needed.

Does she need the job? Maybe she should quit if she is finding it too much with college too. Does the job relate to her college course or not?

It's not a great start to working life. It never even occurred to me to pull a sickie until I'd been working for well over 10 years. Even when it did occur to me my conscience wouldn't let me do it.

Having said that, I don't think there's anything you can do and in forcing the matter there is little to be gained.

I think all you can reasonably do is sit down and have a calm conversation to her about what's going on, what she does and doesn't like about her job. I would want to try to establish what makes her not want to go. Maybe she should look for a new job.

Is she struggling to cope with work and the course? It may "only" be four days but she could now be finding it much harder to manage as the work is starting to get going and struggling with the difference between college and school and work.

It's ultimately her responsibility, she's 18, if she's got an appointment with the GP let her discuss with them.

I would mention to her it's ok to discuss her actual concerns around work with her GP and you need to be more understanding of how hard college work can be -there's a lot of independent study and not everyone can manage college and working and not every course is the same.

There's no shame in that. Though I know in MN world there is!

Maybe something bigger is going on but she doesn't feel like she can talk to you about it. Are you two close? Is it her first job? I've worked since 16 but my mum used to make me feel really bad if I stayed off and I was sick. Even though she didn't work herself.

I think give her some jobs to do around the home to help you out, as she is not really sick. She has to learn for herself the consequences of playing the sick card. As in it may flare up next week but she's already had this week off!

I would make it known I was unhappy about lying to Doctor/work plus taking a job away from someone who needs it, but she needs to learn the hard way. If she loses her job and has no income then her tough luck. Don't think I'd make her leave the house whilst she is still in education though.

As a 17 year old I did Mon-Fri in 6th form then Sat-Sun in a retail job. I didn't want the job, didn't enjoy it and on a few occassions I would ring in sick but make out to my parents I was going to work and stay out with friends for the duration of my "shift."

Once I left school and got a fulltime office job (which I wanted and enjoyed) I had to pay my own way and developed a good work ethic with barely any absences. I am back in retail now and the highest level of absence is from the youngsters still in education.

I can see where you're coming from. At 18 she's legally an adult but still young and probably needs guidance. If she's unwell then you should allow her to stay home, but she needs to understand she needs to make some effort to get to work as she could end up losing her job. I'f it's because she can't be bothered, encourage her to go to work and if she won't, give her things to do round the house.

Christ leave her alone. I can't imagine my mum meddling in my life like this when I was 18. Let her make her own mistakes.

I disagree with lots of people here. I am thankful to my parents for my own work ethic and would never dream of doing this, and really irritates me when other people I know do it. I am not really sure if you can do anything, but I would let her know you are not impressed and find it disappointing.

I don't blame you op. My mum wouldn't have let me skive work either - I used to really have to lay it on thick to get a day off...

TBH I would be most concerned about her mental health and if everything was really okay.

• 11:06 Thisreallyisafarce

Over 18 and paying rent? Stay out of it.

Under 18? Inappropriate to force her to go to work.*

Mind blown by this answer.

Cannot understand it.

Eminado

Your poor mind.

It's not ideal but I don't know many teenagers who haven't skipped work at some point or another!

When I was eighteen and working part-time it was none of my parents' business whether I went in or not. If I called in sick or didn't go, it was for me to deal with - it was my job and I dealt with the consequences of not showing up.

I'm now working full-time in management and the last time I had time off sick was for surgery! It had no impact on my career or work ethic to pull a couple of sickies as an eighteen year old working at Tesco!