Would you tell the wife or the boss??

[sissy89]

I won't go into the whole story as not to drip feed but 99.9% certain that a co worker of DH is doing cocaine on a daily basis.

This co worker is a friend of ours who we see socially and our kids go to the same school.

Would you tell his wife? I know they are not happily married and just pretty much together for the sake of the kids - this would probably be the end for them if she found out.

Would you tell his boss? He's more than likely doing it at work as he was caught our years ago and the boss gave him another chance.

Like I said, won't go into the whole story but he owes 2 separate people (dh is one of them ) over £1000 now that we know of anyway.

Until this morning, I told DH I wasn't sure I would tell anyone but then I bumped into this mans little girl at school. She's the loveliest sweetest little girl, always says hello to me and asks how I am and it broke my heart thinking about the state her daddy is in and what could be in store for her and her little brother.

What would you do?

I haven't said we are certain he's on it! He's on something. Might not be coke. Could be anything. But from previous use, it would be cocaine.

So nothing to actually say he's doing coke. Just lots of assumptions. Maybe he's nipping to the van to get away from your dh, talk to someone on the phone, send texts/emails etc. The possibilities are endless

The money isn't ours - it's a customers.

However as the money has not been spent on materials like it should of been - dh is nod going to have to pay for them himself out of our savings :-(

He would of never lent him any of our money. And this money was handed over a couple of weeks ago right at the start of the suspicious behaviour. Dh would of never handed it over knowing what he does now.

Why are you enabling him by lending him money if you think he’s buying drugs? Can your DH speak to him and steer him towards help? Not sure how telling his wife, who you say will throw him out, is helping his DC as such. What would you hope to achieve by telling his DW or his boss? If you think boss would help him then maybe that’s a conversation DH should have with him so they can go to boss together?

Sorry cross post re money aspect

I would stay out of it and do not tell his wife or his boss.
You should tell your dh to stop lending him money.

Well if he is embezelling funds report that to the boss and let them deal with it !

I would report it to the police, OP. Drug driving could kill someone. I couldn't bear to have that on my conscience.

Massive sympathy to you. In a similarly heartbreaking situation right now because my fiance's best man has just hit rock bottom, and it breaks my heart to see the impact upon my fiance, who has done nothing wrong.

(FWIW, this man has a long history of selfish and self destructive behaviour. Mental health and addiction don't come close to explaining or excusing his transgressions over the years. My fiance has it in him to sympathise with this man, still. I have to be harder, because honestly, fuck this guy.)

And why should you pay for it out of your savings ?

@Sleepsoon7 - see my above comment re lending him money. No money was lent to him. It was given to him so he could buy materials for a job which hasn't been done.

I've only started this post because of the kids - they are lovely and I feel so sorry for them. That's all. Just would love to protect them somehow if I could

If he's used company money then Dh needs to let the higher ups know that the money is gone and parts/equipment or whatever it was for has not been bought with it, as the coworker has taken it.

@flapjackfairy no other way to do it unfortunately. This is a job dh and this guy are doing separately through a business they have just started together - first job they've got.

Tell the wife he owes you money. Let her question him about what it was for. If he's driving on coke his boss needs to know but if they're all such good friends how do you know he doesn't? Personally I'd be made at DH for enabling him and lending the money. I assume he won't be lending any more and has a payment plan in place to get it back?

So he is stealing company funds really. Again report to the boss and the rest will soon come out. You are not doing him any favours covering it up imo.

It's the actual customers money. Nothing to do with the company they work for. They decided to set up a business on weekends/nights and this is the first job they've had. The customer handed over the money in cash to pay for the materials needed.

Sorry just read the post about missing company money. Get straight onto the boss, your DH needs to report this or be implicated.

Oh I see. Well I would be dissolving that partnership straight off ! Can your dh afford to get involved in a business with him under these circumstances ?

Sorry, I had missed one of your updates.

If he is taking company money to pay for this then I think that puts things in a different light. I can see how his children will be effected by the fallout if it allowed to continue. I do think though, that you might be being optimistic about not getting sacked if he is using the petty cash to buy drugs. Only you can know the relationship with the boss.

I still say it's not your place to tell wife or boss. It is your job to protect your family though and getting involved in a business with this man WILL leave you in debt. Tell your DH no more side business with this guy. You also run the risk of tarnishing your husbands name if he gets a reputation as a cowboy he steals customers money regardless of whether he had a part to play or not.

Yes you should definitely tell the boss about the money. It was supposed to buy materials for a customer. Instead your husband is out of pocket!! Tell the boss. Otherwise it's going to spiral out of control. Tell the boss what happened with the money and that youre worried about him as he doesn't seem his normal self.

I wouldn't tell anyone. I'd mind my own business.

The money is nothing to do with the company.

And am pretty certain the business will no longer be going ahead. As previously mentioned, this has all just been around the last couple of weeks. Same time as dh handed him over the cash for the job - though dh had no idea then. So now dh is going to have to fund it himself....then call it a day after 1 job.

All quite confusing to read I know.

Anyway dh needs to question him about where this money has gone so will see what the outcome is of that.

Thanks for helpful replies.

So the materials money for the job has been spent and your family are going to have to take the hit for this by finding a grand to plug the gap?

I assume he stil expects to be paid when the job is done?

It's no longer about the affect on his kids, this is now affecting your kids.

He is potentially drug driving and has stolen from you.

The money and the possible drug use are seperate issues. Your DH need to pressure the man to pay for the materials for the job himself instead of taking it from your savings. And then forget doing any further work with him.

As for the drugs, don't say anything because you have no proof. It's just what you think, not what you know and given he owes money it will just look like sour grapes.

Are you sure he owes money? Don’t want to go against the grain but are you sure your dh is not involved with drugs too and deflecting onto him- they BOTH could be and if are such good pals with the boss the whole lot could be? Is this a whole can of worms?