Am I destined to be fat? Why won't I lose weight

[Abilouise]

Hi all,
Sorry for the negative post.

I have always been a big child growing up. I moved out into my first home at 17 to escape being put into care but unfortunately my younger brothers had no choice. All of us were on the bigger side due to a lifelong bad diet and our mother never cooking us meals and made us cook them everyday since I was 8.

I'm 5ft nothing and currently 14st 4lbs, so very very overweight. I left home when I was about 12st so I have got fatter since leaving. I'm 22 with a 5 year old son and 13 month old DD. I have invested in gym equipment (a bike machine, treadmill, dumbbells, a yoga mat and a yoga dvd). I have tried (and failed miserably) to sort my diet out, but it is incredibly hard to change a life long habit. I have gone from couch potato to exercising 14 hours a week. That isn't including walking when taking DS to school, DC to parks and beach etc. I'm constantly doing housework so never really sat down. I don't have breakfast, I rarely eat lunch and I seem to eat the biggest most unhealthy meal for dinner. I drink nothing but water.

I did manage to loose 3lbs in 1 week but since then hardly anything has shifted. Am I just destined to be some ugly fat thing 😥 (excuse the self pity). I hate feeling this way and I am so sick and tired of trying so hard to lose weight to hardly shed a pound. Does anyone have any weightloss tips that work? Please.

Did that mean to say eating the biggest unhealthy meal for dinner?

There is no point in not eating all day to binge in the evening. You cannot our exercise I bad diet so I would spend time and effort with sorting out your diet, eat regularly. My to do list in your position (I’m going back to basics on this front so I know your frustrations)

1. Sign up to my fitness pal, and work out your calorific need
2. Research some new healthy satisfying meals (for breakfast, lunch & dinner)
3. Write a shopping list and stick to it
4. Stop beating yourself up, it going to take some time and self care to learn new habits
5. Realise you are with the time and effort in sorting your diet out
6. Keep moving as much as you do, but under estimate that actual calories you burn
7. Reset your mindset, 1lb a week is actually good, sustainable and healthy

Yeah, I eat a massive unhealthy dinner. It's hard to explain why I don't eat during the day and then eat a monstrous dinner. It honestly makes me feel disgusted of my self just thinking of it.

Thank you for your advice. I'll download the app tonight and have a look and do it all properly. I'll have another go at having a better diet. Thank you

Can you give any examples of your dinners - you potentially could still have a large dinner but as long as it's at least 1/2 veg it's healthier but still a large quantity? I'm a size 10 but have a massive appetite so like a large dinner - I've had a huge chickpea and veg curry tonight which is very filling but healthy.

Well done for all your exercise!!! That’s amazing - are you doing tabata or HIIT? Google those videos on YouTube as they work quickly.
Have you tried the low carb diet?

Have you tried slimming world I have been doing it for 5 weeks and sturggled before to stick to diets with this I find it so much easier I have lost 18 point in 5 weeks so far

You won’t lose weight if you eat too many calories. You shouldn’t be starving yourself all day then binging. All the exercise in the world won’t help unless you sort the food out.

Why don't you come and join us on the low carb Bootcamp? We literally started today, so you'd be very welcome!

link to the first week's thread here

Someone once said to me that losing weight is 20% exercise, 80% diet.

Really really well done on the exercise, but if you want to lose weight you must sort your diet out.

Well done for recognising you want to sort things out, and starting on that journey.

It’s better to eat regular healthy ish meals rather than nothing and binging. Your metabolism must be all over the place! And you must be starving by dinner time.

Have you tried planning your meals? Not as in ‘diet’ meals but normal meals, written down and shopped for. Eg porridge for breakfast, fruit as a snack, sandwich and yoghurt for lunch, and a normal healthy dinner eg stir fry and rice. If there is a plan of regular healthy meals, then you’ll be less likely to have a massive blow out in the evening.

I know there is a “thing” for low carb on here, but the science shows it’s not healthy to rely on animal sources of protein and it actually shortens your life .by about 5 years. Not to mention being awful for the environment. A better option is medium carb and healthy sources of protein. I’m vegan so for me it’s all plant based, but I’m sure if you eat meat you can work out the healthy options!

Try slimming world or similar. I didn't go to a group, just found a Facebook group online and got magazines to read about it. Recipies on pinch of nom website. Yes you have to stick to it, but people have lost stones doing it. Buy one magazine and have a look.

OP, no amount of exercise will fix a bad diet - you can’t outrun your fork. The exercise is great for building muscle and improving your health, but if you actually want to lose weight you need to look at portion size and calorie content.
Starving all day will just make you crave stodge, sugar and fat in the evening. You need well balanced meals, with lots of vegetables, spaced out evenly through the day.
Food can be very emotional, and you’ve already identified some issues you have with it from your childhood.
It might help for you to discuss your eating habits with a dietitian or a counsellor. Or to eat with your child - you presumably make healthy balanced meals for them?
Learn to love your body, and feed it the healthy nutrients it needs - lots of lean protein, greens, roots and fruit. Try to break the link between fatty junk food and your emotional well-being.
It’s never easy to alter something as basic as your eating habits, but you need to change them permanently, not just for a quick fix crash diet.
Good luck, OP. You can do this, but it needs some tough decisions and determination to do the best for your body and health.

OP, you are most likely screwing up your metabolism by fasting for hours and then having a massive, unhealthy meal. As another poster said, you simply cannot out-exercise a bad diet. Keep going with the exercise though, but I think it would be a good idea to work out how many calories you need (you can google calorie deficit calculator, there are a few different ones out there) and try to meal plan around that.

Losing weight is a hard slog, but it is worth it in the end

MyFitnessPal is the way to go. I downloaded it last year. And lost 2 stone quite quickly (I was very motivated!). It is amazing the calories that are in some foods, and they add up without you noticing. We need far less food than we think we do. Exercise is very important, but ultimately weight loss is about what you put into your body food wise. I have my FitBit (old basic one) and MyFitnessPal linked. I aim for eating 1,000 less calories a day than I burn. Doesn't always work, but it's what I aim for. I am slowly removing the other 2 stone I need to lose! But by keeping an eye on it, I haven't gained any weight either. It's a long process, but it's a life long change. Your head needs to be in the right place. Good luck.

How is your mental health? All the diet advice will not mean much if you are in a cycle of self destruction and food is your weapon. You seem to have gone through so much already and maybe could do with some all round care. You have done so well in getting to where you are now.

Exercise is great but won’t shift the weight.

It’s your diet and it’s really hard. I’m obese and am struggling. I’ve lost 3st but I’m stuck and can’t seem to get into the headspace to keep going.

No advice other than keep trying.

Hey can we be friends? I'm also 22 and fat with a small child

My upbringing doesn't sound as difficult as yours but I've always struggled with my weight too.

The only thing that worked for me was in first year of uni, I got out of my toxic binge eating habits by having CBT, and starting doing HIIT workouts first thing in the morning. I would get up at 6am, workout for an hour, do yoga and meditate, then start my day. My typical diet was 2000 calories a day (though I am 5'8 so it would probably have to be more like 1500 for somebody shorter) and something like this:-
Breakfast: porridge with almond milk, peanut butter, flaxseed, apple slices, chia seeds and some sugar free syrup - 500 cals
Lunch: chicken and bacon salad with mayo, protein shake 500 cals
Dinner: sweet potato, avocado, cheese, huge mixed salad, nuts, seeds, berries 700 cals
Snack: Greek yogurt with fruit and honey 300 cals
I tracked everything on my Fitness Pal, wore a Fitbit, and made sure I was in a 1000 calorie defecit every day. I adjusted my food accordingly - if I knew I was going to have a day in the library I would eat less calories as I knew I would burn less. If I was going for a long walk or run and knew I would burn more then I would eat more.
Also had one day a week where I never tracked food.
Weighed myself on occasion but tracked progress by photos of myself in underwear and measurements.
Lost 3 stone and went from 45% to 20% body fat - I had abs and a flat stomach, toned arms etc.

Then I met DP, had a baby and I'm 4 stone heavier trying to fix it though.

What BIWI said!!! I lost 20lbs earlier this year and it's still off.

Well done for starting your journey - first steps and all that!

One of the weirdest things about weight loss is realising that you need to EAT to lose weight! Weight loss is 80% diet, 20% exercise.

I see loads of good threads on MN about starting out, lots of good, family-friendly recipes etc, so seems a good place to start - and you'll be helping your kids by bringing them up with a healthy relationship with good food.

With regards to exercise, could you find the cash/time to have a session or two with a good PT? I know it seems like an outlay at the time, but it will be worth it, overall.

Good luck to you!

LuckyKitty13
I have about 3 takeaways a week. DH works split arrives home at 10pm from work and we often like to eat dinner. We are shattered by the time he arrives home and not up for cooking. We don't have a favourite takeaway or favourite type of takeaway so we eat quite the unhealthy variety. Other days we'll have readymeals and chips and quite a lot of processed foods. I have a whole freezer drawer of vegetables but only the kids eat them. That's not a 'rule', me and DH never eat vegetables. I don't know why and there's no reason why we don't.

Disabrie22
I workout for 2 hours without a break daily on exercise equipment I purchased and sometimes I copy Joe wicks (I think his name is) HIIT workouts.

Redred2429
Thank you I'll look into that

Wolfiefan
I know, thank you for your advice. I try to sort out my diet and fail every time. I thought that exercise was a bigger factor in losing weight than what your diet is. Now I know I've got it wrong I'm going to give the diet thing another go

BIWI
Thank you I'll have a gander at that

Lockheart
Thank you . I would never of guessed it was 80% diet

Dangermouseisace
Thank you for your advice :) I have tried meal planning instead of a diet. It goes well and then I have a cheat meal which turns into a cheat day and it escalates from there until I'm back to square one. I've even tried being vegetarian because I imagine tofu and Quorn would be much healthier than fatty meats and it'll be better for the environment but it was costly buying meat and meatfree meals. DH wouldn't give up meat lol.

Cottonsock
Thank you, I'll have a look into it

Babdoc
DC eat very healthily. They have their 5 a day and have a variety of healthy and adventurous meals. Their diet is more important to me because I believe my eating habits started in childhood so I'm doing everything possible to make sure DC don't follow suit. I don't eat with DC because DH arrives home from work at 10pm and we like to eat together. Thank you for your advice

Have you watched Secret Eaters, OP?

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm so used to not many people replying on my threads so I'm quite used to replying to everyone 😂😂 I'll be all day if I give a detailed response to everyone. if I haven't responded to you please note I have read your reply and appreciate your advice and help and will take your advice in. Thank you.

Bluebolt
I think my mental health is all okay. I get overly tired and often feel down but put that down to stress. Apart from stress I assume I'm all okay.

RedPandaMama
I could deffo do with some more friends

My weight increased after DD. I was big before her but a lot bigger after her. You're meals sound quite nice! I could definitely eat that in a day. Yum!
Quite a few people have mentioned the my fitness app so ill definitely download that and use it :)

lIjkk
No? What channel is it on?

Could you and dp have breakfast together. It is calories in and out but research shows eating late can Ffestiniog weight loss.

Good luck OP. What helped me was to change my diet. Not go on a diet. If that makes sense! I didn’t ban any foods. I didn’t think about what I wouldn’t eat but what I would.

Might be channel 4, Abilouse, you can find old episodes on Youtube.
Um... it's good for people seeing all the calories they consume, they calories they didn't realise were there. I think Secret Eaters is quite kind & supportive.