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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dad Lives In Ireland - SHould I be paying for flights for my child to see him?

65 replies

Mommy273 · 15/10/2018 18:25

Hello, just need advice on what I should do.

My child is 3, 4 in Jan. His dad has lived in Ireland since he was 1 and a bit. He sees him a few times a year but every time he takes him over to see his family I have to pay for return flights and they can be expensive ! This time I really cant afford to... I've booked a holiday for his birthday so that's my priority but his dad is saying that seeing him is more important

He also told me that it's the law that I should go and return him back, is this true?

What should I do? I don't think it's fair for my son to miss out on going on holiday for his birthday.

Thanks x

OP posts:
Runningishard · 15/10/2018 18:27

Did you leave Ireland when you split up or did return there? Do you have any court orders in place?

Aprilislonggone · 15/10/2018 18:28

His df is pulling a fast one. Unless a judge orders you to cover costs tell him to do one.
Him seeing his ds should be his priority not yours.
Enjoy your holiday. You have ds 24/7, you are entitled to one!!

Rezie · 15/10/2018 18:29

Why doesn't the dad pay or you split the bill? I've never heared of such a law and if there is one then it is a messed up law.
The situation sucks. Of course seeing dad is important, but dad could maybe come and visit or pay for the child to visit. Maybe talk to a solicitor who know international laws on this to get confirmation.
Good luck.

dressup · 15/10/2018 18:30

I don't think this is right at all, he should be paying his own transportation cost

I used to go out with a guy who's 2 kids lived in Ireland when they were small every other Friday he would fly over early hours if the morning, collect from school at midday then fly them back to his for weekend, he would then fly back with them on the Sunday teatime and return to there Mum. As they got older he would pay for a assistant to collect from his ex at airport in Ireland and he would meet them off the plane thus end.

I'm sure law will state it's not your responsibility

VimFuego101 · 15/10/2018 18:30

If he moved away, he should pay.

user139328237 · 15/10/2018 18:33

If you moved you should pay.
If you get significantly more than the CMS minimum maintenance (to the extent that it covers the flights) you should probably pay
Otherwise no.

fifig87 · 15/10/2018 18:48

He is being cheeky. I know someone whose kids live in England and he in Ireland. He pays for all flights and transfers etc. Even for a taxi to and from the airport at the other side and on occasion if she agrees to drop them to the airport, money for her troubles. Which is obviously fair enough!

Original poster
Mommy273 · 15/10/2018 19:04

We both moved over to Ireland when child was 6 months old, I stayed for a year. I couldn't handle how selfish he was and I had no family or friends over there to support me. So I moved back i told him I was with plenty of warning, even gave him the opportunity to move back with us.

So should I pay?

OP posts:
Rtmhwales · 15/10/2018 19:08

Do you get CMS?

My DS’s father lives in the UK and I’m in North America. I offered to put aside some of his CM and pay half the cost of his long haul flights if he ever wanted to visit. He declined but that’s as far as I was going.

Realistically he should be prioritizing seeing his son over other discretionary spending.

Runningishard · 15/10/2018 19:15

On the basis you moved away but weren’t in ireland when your child was born, I’d be offering to pay the costs 50/50. But I don’t think there’s any law on it.

Original poster
Mommy273 · 15/10/2018 19:20

He pays a little bit each month but it hasn't always been every month. I do normally pay 50/50 but this time I really can't afford to.

So there definitely isn't a law against it?

OP posts:
AnonaMouse1 · 15/10/2018 19:21

you should be helping cover costs....relationship with his father is more important than some holiday he won't remember

Returnofthesmileybar · 15/10/2018 19:22

So it's the law you have to pay for flights but not the law he has to pay to feed, close, house his child?? Tell him to do one and come back to you when he pays fair maintenance regularly, fucking chancer

Singlenotsingle · 15/10/2018 19:25

There is no law that says you have to pay travel costs. The only situation where you would have to contribute would be where he took it to court and the Judge ordered you to ,(unlikely unless you are wealthy).

lalalalyra · 15/10/2018 19:26

The fact you are the one who moved away would mean you were expected to contribute toward the cost.

CupMug · 15/10/2018 19:27

you should be helping cover costs....relationship with his father is more important than some holiday he won't remember

This seems reasonable. It’s far more valuable for your son to see his Dad than go on a holiday.

AnonaMouse1 · 15/10/2018 19:32

can you go to Ireland on holiday? combine both?

Original poster
Mommy273 · 15/10/2018 19:37

I understand that it is important for him to see his Dad. I have never said no and always helped with costs etc.

But it's his birthday and I've saved for a long time to go. He just decides that month if he'll see him, so I have to take the money out of that pay check. I can't plan or pre book.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mommy273 · 15/10/2018 19:40

Combining the holiday... no. I'd be alone, feeling awkward with his family and I wouldn't enjoy it. Selfish I know, but Disney land Paris is for weekend for his birthday... he will love that.

OP posts:
Faithless12 · 15/10/2018 19:44

Don’t pay. It is reasonable that having a relationship with his dad is important however why is it that you should miss out to enable it. His father could contribute more, like 50% of what it costs to bring up a child and then paying 50/50 on flights would be fair if he’d do the same for you going on holiday with your DS.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/10/2018 19:44

Honestly you need a court ruling. He can't expect you to pay half on a whim. What if he decided to see him every weekend for a month.

Does e come here, collect him, take him back then you have to go thrtr to get him?

RavenWings · 15/10/2018 19:44

Well, you were the one who moved away and took the child to another country, so you should be expected to absorb some of the cost. But given that he's not paying regularly, I'd be saying that the money for the return flight should come out of all those unpaid payments he owes you.

Faithless12 · 15/10/2018 19:44

As in 50/50 on your sons costs not the whole holiday.

sue51 · 15/10/2018 19:45

If you cover all the day to day costs and occasionally get a little bit of cash from your ex, I really don't understand why you should pay.

GrabEmByThePatriarchy · 15/10/2018 19:46

Without a court order, it's not the law. If you're genuinely in a position to do so and his dad isn't though, I'd make that a priority going forward.

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