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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In laws

74 replies

Babykoala1 · 15/10/2018 15:54

So my in laws have basically just criticised my parenting because I have said that in no uncertain terms will I look after their dogs again. My toddler is rough with them and they spend most of the day growling at her/trying to get away from her thus meaning they can't be left alone together for so much as a minute. (Hard when I've also got an exclusively breast fed baby)
I'm mostly on my own as my DH works abroad a lot so it will be mostly me, my toddler, my 6 month old baby and the two dogs if they are here. I've basically been told to suck it up and teach her to be kind to them. I'm sure there may be some kids her age that are naturally more gentle, but there really is nothing gentle about my tod. Obviously I tell her to stop and that she's hurting them and move her away but she doesn't feel empathy yet so she just doesn't get it. I think they think I'm soft touch with her anyway but I'm not, we just have different parenting styles and my DH hated his upbringing so I don't take much of their advice on the parenting front tbh.

AIBU to think that this is normal behaviour for her age? And my parenting has nothing to do with it?! I have also said that it's difficult with the baby as these dogs do not stop barking and they wake both the baby and toddler up which is obviously fucking annoying. They have basically told me that loads of people have dogs and babies and I'm selfish to not suck it up for a few weeks a year. AIBU to tell them to do one?

OP posts:

Original poster

Babykoala1 · 15/10/2018 15:56

Oops sorry for the lack of paragraphs! Im just getting to grips with the app on my new phone

OP posts:

agnurse · 15/10/2018 15:57

Toddlers don't have good impulse control. You can't leave a child unattended at that age with a dog.

If they are your ILs dogs you're under no obligation to look after them. Have they never heard of these things called KENNELS where you can do this thing called BOARD YOUR DOGS?

If they refuse, well, the obvious answer then is that either they can't go away or they need to rehome the dogs. They do not have the right to make THEIR dogs YOUR problem.

Singlenotsingle · 15/10/2018 15:58

Not unreasonable at all. You wouldn't be able to turn your back for a second in case they turned on her. Tell the ILs to put dogs in kennels like anyone else! They're the ones being unreasonable. Outrageous!

maddening · 15/10/2018 15:59

Yanbu at all

negomi90 · 15/10/2018 16:00

People with dogs and babies have planned it, they have dogs used to babies (who were there from the beginning) and babies used to dogs (have known no different).
Yes you can teach a toddler to be gentle, but its bloody hard work and even they knew how to be gentle and were reliably gentle, they can still forget. They're still need constant supervision around dogs, they're still noisy and toddlerish.
You aren't being unreasonable but your dh needs to intercede and support in this with his parents.

Aprilislonggone · 15/10/2018 16:02

Dc who are with a dog 24/7 in their own home cannot be compared to dc +visiting dog. My toddler is amazing with our ddogs +vice versa. That relationship takes year to build. Yanbu to send them links to a boarding kennels. Also links to the damage a dog can do to a toddler's face might be an idea also.

MarthasGinYard · 15/10/2018 16:02

I wouldn't want two dogs in my house baby or no baby.

Just say no if they take the hump then so be it.

Pebblespony · 15/10/2018 16:05

Dogs and toddlers are a bad mix. I have one of each and they are permanently separated by baby gates etc. Try not to get upset over the parenting remark and be thankful that they don't want you to look after the dogs anymore.

hellojim · 15/10/2018 16:15

You are not being unreasonable, you are being sensible.

MakeAHouseAHome · 15/10/2018 17:05

Dogs and toddlers are a bad mix

YOUR dog and YOUR toddler may be a bad mix but don't make such an uninformed blanket statement.

As for the OP, if you aren't able to parent your child to be gentle around the dogs then the dogs are better off not being there. Our of interest though what would you do, or would you be trying a bit harder if she was acting this way to your 6 month old or othee toddlers? The same principles apply.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 15/10/2018 17:11

Why can't the in-laws look after their own dogs? I love our dog but when we visit family and friends she stays home; there's no real reason for their dogs to be in your home.

LadyGrey1013 · 15/10/2018 17:12

YANBU at all! Their dogs are their responsibility. You are not loads of people! They are being incredibly selfish! Point blank refusal is definitely okay

SandAndSea · 15/10/2018 17:15

I would never expect someone with young chn to look after my dogs. It's just foolish IMO. Just say no. That's it. It's not selfish, it's sensible.

FadedRed · 15/10/2018 17:16

I wouldn’t want to have their dogs and I don’t have any children at home. They are cross with you because you are their free option for dog care. Unless they do a great deal of free child care or other useful stuff for your family, then you are not under any obligation to them. Don’t let them bully you into anything you don’t want to do.

InstagramPork · 15/10/2018 17:19

Yes the same principles apply but another child isn’t likely to attack her toddler and potential kill her

OP has said she can’t keep the dogs from the toddler’s heavy ways so she’s said no to the dogs coming again. The in laws are irresponsible dog owners to push this, if someone told me their kid was being rough with my dog I wouldn’t want my dog near them.

OP YADNBU, you don’t have to look after the dogs if you don’t want to. If they criticise your parenting again then criticise how they are with their dog.

Mulberry72 · 15/10/2018 17:19

YANBU!

Tell them to put their dogs into kennels when they go away! My SIL foists her rat/dog on MIL & FIL when she goes away, pretty much every other weekend. She’s a CF. Tell them to sort their own pets out.

KingsScorn · 15/10/2018 17:22

YANBU

Your inlaws are being selfish - you didn't chose to have a dog - they did!

Even if there was no chance your DD being harmed by the dogs it is clearly irritating to have to constantly remind your DD how to behave with the dogs (whose behaviour is understandable considering they are there all the time and a novelty), put up with the constant barking and I can't imagine the dogs like being around a toddler where they are an occasional novelty either.

Stick to the boundary you have set about not looking after their dogs and don't let them manipulate you.

MakeAHouseAHome · 15/10/2018 17:23

Oh I do hope you don't expect any childcare from them OP.

Categoric · 15/10/2018 17:24

I would tell them to fuck off and that you are not there to facilitate their holidays with free dog care. I would also say that if they criticise you again or tell you to suck something up for their convenience, then you will refuse to let them see the children as it can’t be good for the children to be in that atmosphere.

Wheresthel1ght · 15/10/2018 17:25

We had a dog when dd was born and got a second when she was 2. She was encouraged from day 1 to be gentle and the dog was soft as shite with her. However, they were never left alone.

The is a big difference between educating a child who is around a dog 24/7 and one who only encounters them periodically.

Your dd is acting in an age appropriate manner, if you are concerned d abiut the dogs then absolutely tell your in laws to make other arrangements.

As a dog owner the onus is on them to sort their dogs not dump them on you.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/10/2018 17:27

Why are you being expected to look after them? Is it when they are in holiday or what?

I'm surprised they aren't concerned for their GC and their dogs tbh. Plus the fact you've got two young dc to look after is more than enough.

RoboticMary · 15/10/2018 17:31

God no, YANBU! These dogs are in no way your responsibility. Kennels exist for a reason. Your in laws should use them.

BishyBarneyBee3 · 15/10/2018 17:31

Yanbu, you are being responsible, they need to get a dog sitter or dog hotel!

HellenaHandbasket · 15/10/2018 17:32

If the OP wanted a dog, she would get one and be responsible for training both toddler and dog. Much like she will be teaching her toddler how to behave around the baby.

But the dogs aren't her responsibility. Why add another hassle to the list? The responsible thing is to say no

MCC85 · 15/10/2018 17:47

Never leave a child unattended with a dog, no matter the temperament of the dog or how the child is with the dog.
Your ILs are being U actually considering that you can mind their dogs.
I have a beloved pooch who is as daft as a brush as has never so much as looked at our babies in the wrong way, but I wouldn't want to put him in the position that he may snap etc, and due to that he is never alone for a second with the kids, and we have taught our toddler how to treat him....difference is he is OUR dog, you shouldn't have to change your toddler to suit your ILs and their crazy ideas of you dog minding!

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