In laws

[Babykoala1]

So my in laws have basically just criticised my parenting because I have said that in no uncertain terms will I look after their dogs again. My toddler is rough with them and they spend most of the day growling at her/trying to get away from her thus meaning they can't be left alone together for so much as a minute. (Hard when I've also got an exclusively breast fed baby)
I'm mostly on my own as my DH works abroad a lot so it will be mostly me, my toddler, my 6 month old baby and the two dogs if they are here. I've basically been told to suck it up and teach her to be kind to them. I'm sure there may be some kids her age that are naturally more gentle, but there really is nothing gentle about my tod. Obviously I tell her to stop and that she's hurting them and move her away but she doesn't feel empathy yet so she just doesn't get it. I think they think I'm soft touch with her anyway but I'm not, we just have different parenting styles and my DH hated his upbringing so I don't take much of their advice on the parenting front tbh.

AIBU to think that this is normal behaviour for her age? And my parenting has nothing to do with it?! I have also said that it's difficult with the baby as these dogs do not stop barking and they wake both the baby and toddler up which is obviously fucking annoying. They have basically told me that loads of people have dogs and babies and I'm selfish to not suck it up for a few weeks a year. AIBU to tell them to do one?

Of course YANBU.
Why on earth should you look after their dogs for several week, even if you didn't have a toddler ?

If you wanted dogs, you would presumably get yourself some. As it is, you don't want that commitment in your life at the moment, so you have chosen not to.
If they have chosen to have dogs, then part of that commitment is to either holiday somewhere they can take them, or to pay out for boarding or to not go on holiday. It is all part of the decision you take when taking on the commitment of owning a dog.

Thank you for all of your replies! Really appreciate it.
To the poster that asked if I would try harder if it was the toddler being rough with the baby, I pretty much do the same and don't allow them alone together as she has the potential to harm the baby also. She's not that interested in him though, the dogs however seem to excite her and she thinks they are playing when they react by growling etc.

Also, I personally wouldn't get dogs because I just find it all too stressul, I am very fond of their dogs and have always been more than happy to look after them before the kids came along but I've come to a point where enough is enough now and it hasnt gone down well!

I really have tried hard to teach DD but she just doesn't get it so for now my approach is to just avoid the situation until shes a bit older.
I obviously am trying to teach her to be gentle and not overly tactile with them but its not working. My in laws also arent the 1 holiday a year type of people, they will be going away again in december for a Month!!

Why on earth is it your job though? It's not even your parents!

One of the costs of holidays when you have dogs is paying for appropriate care for them.

They’re taking the piss. Say no. What can they do? Huff a bit? Oh well!

Your job is taking care of your children which can’t be easy with your DH away so much. They have a ruddy nerve expecting you to have their dogs while they swan off on holiday.

There are heaps of dog walkers, kennels, sitters etc. Not your problem, i dont look after my mils dog as i dont like it near my baby. , shes perfectly reasonable and agreed.just say no.

Maybe send them details of some pet boarding places, as opposed to kennels?

As I have found myself, if you do have the dogs to stay now - then in your IL’s minds, you will be forever their go-to solution, there will be no end...unless you create a formal break in the arrangement now.

I daren't even be seen out walking a friends dog these days - without worrying that my phone will be hot with requests for days after! 😳

If it isn't a request but a demand, and the in-laws get the hump if you say no, then they are being dicks. It is especially ridiculous to ask you to look after two dogs when you have a 6 month old breastfed baby and a toddler. Nothing to do with how your toddler is around the dogs.

I've only skim read so sorry if I'm repeating what anyone else has said.

We have 2 lovely dogs and our little boy is 10 months. He too is really excited by the dogs and laughs and claps whenever he sees them. He also, given the chance, will try and pull their hair or ears - if for example they I'm holding him and they come and sit near us. I am constantly aware they might not like this and could snap at him - to the point where I've now had to put an extra stair gate between our living room at kitchen so that they can have their own space without feeling excluded. My concern is two-fold - primarily my babies safely, but secondly if either of them did bite him, the consequences are potentially unthinkable. It's my duty to not only protect him, but to protect them too and make sure they aren't in a situation where they are uncomfortable and could react badly. How would your ILs feel if their dog did bite your toddler? (Perhaps because your baby was screaming and taking your attention). I think it's a lot to ask of you when a toddler and tiny baby will keep you busy enough. You are being entirely sensible!

They are cf’s. They are just mad they will have to pay for kennels.

Are they not worried about their dogs getting upset or stressed?

I must be honest, I am more of an animal person than a child person, so that would be my concern, and you OH, have been enormously responsible by being very honest about how your child reacts to the dogs ATM (not to say that won't change when she's older).

I would be terrified that, no matter how good or gentle the dogs are, one day they might have enough and turn, and have to be destroyed as a result.

Your ILs seem to have no regard for you, your children, or their dogs, and as such, I would tell them - or, actually tell their son/your OH to tell them - to take a flying leap.

Just say no-they can’t make you have the dogs!

Sleepy thats exactly what my DD does! She will pull on their ears and put her hand in their mouth's etc. She loves them because she's always so happy to see them but she hasn't yet grasped how to show affection in a gentle way

Obviously I'm naturally going to be most concerned about DD but I'm also worried for the dogs, one dog in particular seems to get stressed in her presence as she's very old and has some issues with her joints so it wouldn't take much to do some damage and I would feel terrible if anything happened.

I'm just having to deal with the fallout now so it will be 6 months of the silent treatment, but its ok I could do with the space

If they can afford that many holidays a year then they can afford kennels.

So they're happy to swan off multiple times a year but can't stretch to kennels?

Fuck THAT for a game of soldiers

They're their dogs - not yours. Either take holidays where you can take your dogs or use kennels. Simple.

YANBU

Wow that turned nasty really quick. Tell your cheeky in laws to pay for kennels.

Lots of toddlers don’t mix well with animal s-⎌particularly if they aren’t used to them. My neice is fascinated and terrified by my kitten - and she is four! She runs after him and screams if he comes towards her! I would put leave them alone together just yet.

Two young children plus two dogs that aren’t yours is too much on your own. The in laws are dreadful selfish people. Just tell them it no longer suits and they will have to make alternative arrangements, you aren’t their slave

YANBU. They chose to have dogs so they are responsible for caring for them. It's really inconsiderate to foist their pets on a woman witha two year old and a baby.

Toddlers and dogs need to be surpervised every single second. It has nothing to do with your parenting.

I would not take care of their dogs. I also wouldn’t leave the toddler with them because they are showing that they don’t how to keep a toddler safe around animals.

If they don’t want a kennel, they are these amazing people called pet sitters. They come to your house and walk the dogs multiple times a day. If you pay them enough, they will even sleep over (I did this to pick up spare cash for a time)

Maybe next time they ask, just reply by sending them the website of a local pet sitter.

They basically told you to suck it up? Well, fuck that for a game of soldiers! No to having their dogs, all the way. I would HATE the responsibility of someone else’s dogs. 6 months of silent treatment? Brilliant, bring it on. Don’t back down, OP. They are CFs!

Not unreasonable at all. A horrible incident waiting to happen by the sounds of it.

Your in-laws need to make other arrangements for their dogs rather than leave them with you, sounds like you have quite enough to be going on with already.

I can’t quite get passed the attitude that you should just suck it up solely for their benefit in your own bloody home and you’re right your toddler sounds perfectly normal and I don’t doubt you’re already trying to teach her to be gentler but like most things we teach toddlers it’s a work in progress.

They are awful. Don't have the dogs even when is older.

MakeAHouseAHome

Oh I do hope you don't expect any childcare from them OP.

Yeah because looking after your own grandchildren is the same as looking after someone elses dogs.

As a toddler I was bitten by a lovely gentle family dog...in full supervision of my family. He was having an off day. I have a small scare on my cheek to show for it but I have no memory of bite, although large dogs do scare me.

We had our three dogs before having DC and until I felt the DC were sensible enough, they were separated from each other by baby gates. They had lots of time together while out walking etc and built up a relationship over time. Now DC are 7 and 5 the baby gates have gone but they are still not left unsupervised. We have taught the DC how to read the dogs body language for signs of unhappiness but they (dogs or DC) still can’t be trusted 100%. I think it might have been different with one dog or had the dogs arrived after the DC. Either way, a month of dog sitting is taking advantage, regardless of the fact that you now have two DC to take care of.

YANBU. I have a (boisterous) toddler, a (beautifully behaved) dog and an exclusively breastfed baby too. Even though the first two are very much used to each other, I still never leave them alone together and it's hard enough logistically. That's with our own dog, and only one at that.

Your in-laws' dogs are not your problem. If they don't like the idea of kennels, there are plenty of home boarding options around. Yes, it's expensive, but that's part and parcel of dog ownership as far as I'm concerned.

Stick to your guns! Although as a PP said, this may not help if you need help with h childcare at some point in the future...

If they ask again, tell them to suck it up and put the dogs in kennels. If they don't like the concept of kennels there are plenty of organisations that can arrange for the dogs to be looked after in a home environment.