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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In laws

74 replies

Babykoala1 · 15/10/2018 15:54

So my in laws have basically just criticised my parenting because I have said that in no uncertain terms will I look after their dogs again. My toddler is rough with them and they spend most of the day growling at her/trying to get away from her thus meaning they can't be left alone together for so much as a minute. (Hard when I've also got an exclusively breast fed baby)
I'm mostly on my own as my DH works abroad a lot so it will be mostly me, my toddler, my 6 month old baby and the two dogs if they are here. I've basically been told to suck it up and teach her to be kind to them. I'm sure there may be some kids her age that are naturally more gentle, but there really is nothing gentle about my tod. Obviously I tell her to stop and that she's hurting them and move her away but she doesn't feel empathy yet so she just doesn't get it. I think they think I'm soft touch with her anyway but I'm not, we just have different parenting styles and my DH hated his upbringing so I don't take much of their advice on the parenting front tbh.

AIBU to think that this is normal behaviour for her age? And my parenting has nothing to do with it?! I have also said that it's difficult with the baby as these dogs do not stop barking and they wake both the baby and toddler up which is obviously fucking annoying. They have basically told me that loads of people have dogs and babies and I'm selfish to not suck it up for a few weeks a year. AIBU to tell them to do one?

OP posts:

auntyflonono · 15/10/2018 20:30

Its OK to say no, you don't need a reason they agree with!

Original poster

Babykoala1 · 16/10/2018 14:31

Thanks for all the replies, I've read them all and really do appreciate you taking the time to respond. Wrt childcare this has where it has now got messy, my husband has been invited to an awards thing for work next month and we were going to go but inlaws have now taken back their offer to have the kids. They claim this is due to the risk of the dogs but also have said that it should be easy for me to seperate them and teach her how to handle them so that doesn't make much sense. My argument is that there are two of them so it's much easier to supervise and for one evening its okay but for several weeks its excessive.

They have shut down my arguement to say MIL used to do it no problems and implying I am just not wantimg to put myself out. They are the kind of people that are never wrong and always have a "nobody wants to help us" attitude. They are extremely well off but they don't want to pay for Kennels as they don't like to part with their money unless its pissing it away on five holidays a year. If i'm sounding bitter its because the arguement has become a bit of a slanging match in which my parenting is being questioned!

OP posts:

Aprilislonggone · 16/10/2018 15:25

Find a babysitter through a reputable agency. Don't give them the satisfaction of ever asking them again.

Antigon · 16/10/2018 15:33

What April said ^^

OP, I hope their childish attitude makes you more resolute about never having their dogs again, even just for a day.

NonaGrey · 16/10/2018 15:58

Regardless of the dogs issue your in laws don’t sound terribly reliable regarding babysitting if an argument causes them to withdraw their offer.

Start cultivating an alternative long term source of babysitting either another relative, a friend or a professional.

Ask your friends for recommendations. A friend might also be happy to start a reciprocal arrangement.

Don’t allow yourselves to be emotionally blackmailed.

Cuddlykitten123 · 16/10/2018 16:14

So have they actually done anything to get the toddler and dogs used to their animals (taking her out for walks with them in the weeks before the holidays, teaching her to feed them, explain how to gently pat etc)?
Or they just want to dump them, f#*@ off on holiday and expect you to do all the teaching about their pets?

idontknowwhattoput1 · 16/10/2018 16:39

@Babykoala1 I would NEVER have someone else's dogs around my children! You NEVER know when a dog is going to snap

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 16/10/2018 16:50

Would you actually trust them to keep the dogs and your dd separate anyway?

When ours were little we used to swap babysitting nights with friends and take it in turns to go out.

MakeAHouseAHome · 16/10/2018 16:59

So you are happy for your children to go to your MILs (despite supposed 'risk' of dog) when you want free childcare but won't go there with your children due to supposed 'risk' of dog... how is this logical. If it was so risky you wouldn't allow it at all - few hours or few weeks.

auntyflonono · 16/10/2018 17:02

They don't sound very nice. I wouldn't ask them to baby sit again and I would refuse to have the dogs.

Having the children for one evening where you can keep the puppy separate is quite different from two weeks!

auntyflonono · 16/10/2018 17:04

Its hard work looking after a toddler and a baby. I wouldn't have wanted two dogs as well!

NonaGrey · 16/10/2018 17:06

Come on Make two people looking after sleeping children for an evening is not at all the same thing as one adult looking after a baby a toddler and two dogs all alone for a fortnight.

MakeAHouseAHome · 16/10/2018 17:18

People are making the point that a dog can snap even in a split second. That split second can be in the couple of hours the grandchildren are in the house being looked after. Or it could be at somepoint in the couple of weeks the OP is looking after the dog.

And secondly, your MIL shouldn't have to be locking her dogs away just because your grandchildren are there. Infact, she seems like she probably won't.

Sorry but this seems very hypocritical. Seems like you are fine with baby and dog qhile you get free childcare but not if you are asked to look after them.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/10/2018 17:22

thus meaning they can't be left alone together for so much as a minute

Toddlers and dogs should NEVER be left alone together.

Your in-laws sound awful. Could you shame them into paying for kennels? "Well, you obviously don't care if your grandchildren get bitten and you don't care if one of your dogs gets poked in the eye. What is it going to take to get you to shell out for some professional dog-care?"

And same goes for you - hire a babysitter.

Antigon · 16/10/2018 17:22

Just because OP trusts TWO adults to keep their dogs away from their grandchildren for ONE evening, doesn't mean she should be happy (as ONE adult in her own) to separate two dogs from her children for THIRTY days).

It's in the PILs interests to keep the children away from their old, easily stressed dog.

NonaGrey · 16/10/2018 17:23

And secondly, your MIL shouldn't have to be locking her dogs away just because your grandchildren are there.

Why not? My PILs (serious dog people) always accepted that their dogs had to be in a separate room from our children if we were visiting when they were little.

MakeAHouseAHome · 16/10/2018 17:26

NonaGrey, because the dogs are equally a part of the family! I have no doubt you won't see it that way but I do, same as saying lock the daughter in a cage as far as I am concerned.

Antigon · 16/10/2018 17:29

MakeAHouse

You're seriously deluded and the reason why 600 babies and toddlers are admitted to hospital each year after being savaged by dogs.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/10/2018 17:36

They could babysit at the OP's house surely Make? And this isn't just about the OP being concerned about the dogs being at her house while the PILs are away on holiday, it's the audacity that they think she should have them there.

The OP has enough on her plate with her dc without the extra responsibility of looking after other people's pets.

BewareOfDragons · 16/10/2018 17:36

Tell them you won't be having their dogs in your home again. End of.

And that if they try to do a drop and run when they're going on holiday, which it sounds like they might, you will immediately take them to an animal shelter as abandoned animals.

You do not want a dog. You do not want two dogs. They can put their own dogs in a kennel if they are on holiday like other people do.

And find a babysitter. Pay over the going rate if you find a good one so they'll more likely be available for you. Don't rely on or ever be beholden to your inlaws again.

And FFS, tell your DH that he will back you on this and tell his parents not to ask about it again or complain.

MakeAHouseAHome · 16/10/2018 17:45

it's the audacity that they think sheshouldhave them there.

Is this not the exact same point with the MIL having the grandchildren when the parents want to go to this awards night?

AssassinatedBeauty · 16/10/2018 17:53

The grandparents offered, originally.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/10/2018 17:58

No Make it's nothing like the same. For starters these children are their own grandchildren which you would hope they would want to see and look after.

Their dogs are nothing to the OP.

NonaGrey · 16/10/2018 18:02

I have no doubt you won't see it that way but I do, same as saying lock the daughter in a cage as far as I am concerned.

If there was a plumber/electrician/painter etc in your house for the afternoon Make would you not keep either your child or your dog in another room? Both to ensure the workman’s safety and to ensure that your dog or child didn’t come to any harm?

This isn’t any different.

If the gasman visited when my D.C. were toddlers I didn’t let them climb all over him while he repaired the boiler.

Putting them in the other room behind a stair gate was hardly “caging” them - whether dog or child.

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