to ask if you have successfully managed to train your partner to do housework/chores?

[killingtime9198]

....just that really. And, if so, whether you can give me any tips?

DP and I have been together 4 years and living together 2 and, although he is a little bit better about doing things like a load of laundry, generally cleaning up after himself still just does not happen. Plates are left on top of the dishwasher, clothes on the bathroom floor, clean laundry left in the laundry basket for weeks on end if I don't put it away.

I have tried: calmly telling him I need more help, shouting at him, nagging him, positive reinforcement, just leaving things he does not do that don't affect me (like putting his clean clothes away). None of the above seems to be getting us anywhere. Most of the time I will give in and do what is left myself - if saucepans have been in the sink for three days and we have no more clean saucepans I feel I don't have much choice other than to wash them up - but I am wary of this as if we have children they are going to grow up seeing mum do nearly everything and dad do basically nothing, which will probably mean this carries on for another generation....

It would be great to hear from anyone who has managed to have some success in this area, even if it took a while (in fact especially if it took a while, as then I might have hope!)

No not really, that's one reason I won't live with him!
He's been living independently since 16 he's just a messy bugger and I like things tidy but hate housework, sooo..
He'll do anything I ask, but off his own bat?
Rarely. Good thing he's pretty.

Oh yeah he does cook a bit and do my ironing though to be fair.

Bonios and a whistle....

Sadly it's not just men. My DW (am also a woman) is the same and literally the only thing we argue over.
I'm sick of spending my holidays cleaning up so I've gone on strike and the place is an absolute shambles.

She's currently researching a cleaner. However I have asked her to do that before and it never materialised. She has got slightly better in the 10 years we've been together but she's not successfully trained.

Sorry not a success story!

Enrol him in the local Montessori Nursery school? They teach Practical life skills from age 2 and a half and up.....

I moved in with my now DH in our early 20s, and he was definitely not 'house trained' so to speak. His mum used to do everything for him, including cleaning his room !! After 8 years together I am happy to say he got MUCH better, although doing chores still doesn't appear to be his priority and he has to be sometimes reminded... which is not ideal, but he does his fair share. What really helped us was creating a spreadsheet and each of us would write down what chores we did each day/week. He had to see that I was doing 80% of all chores, only then he felt embarassed! He still doesn't cook, but that's my own fault as I love to cook so much I don't really let him .

Here's my story OP that I share in the hope it might help you:

Cleaning and keeping my environment tidy didn't come naturally to me and as a teenager/young adult I used to really struggle. It wasn't like I was expecting anyone to clean or tidy up after me though as I used to live alone, so I'm not sure why posters always assume that the motive behind this kind of behaviour is so that the untidy person can get their partner to take responsibility for the housework. This wasn't the case for me and I honestly just couldn't get my head around why everyone else seemed to find this stuff so easy whilst I just found it such an effort to stay on top of everything.

The big game changer for me came when I realised that thing I was actually lacking was the discipline to do tasks consistently to completion. It was too easy to put the plate on the side as opposed to in the dishwasher "this once" or not to pick up my dirty clothes immediately thinking I would do this later when of course this never happened. Once I knew that actually EVERY dirty plate must go into the dishwasher immediately and that dirty clothes must be immediately put into the laundry basket then this became habit. I realised some tasks had to be done daily, others weekly, but all must be done without fail. Thsi helped me build a schedule which once again because a habit Once something is a habit it is honestly so much easier to naturally incorporate it into your day to day life. You do it without thinking and now I have a very clean and tidy house that I'm very proud of.