Why does nobody get me?

[Namechangemum100]

Sometimes I feel so alone in my journey as a mum. I have 2 children, a 20 month old and a 6 month old. I love them to pieces, but I don't enjoy being a mum.
I'm not depressed, I just find the monotony overwhelming.
IV always been a very up front and open person, I say how I feel and I don't have much of a filter.
When I'm around other mums, if they ask how I am, I'll tell them the truth. It's not always bad, but sometimes if I have had a rubbish day, week, whatever, I will say it as it is. I'll tell them that I lost my cool, that I cried in Costa, that if they don't nap I feel as though I might explode, that IV spent the morning at a playgroup where one of them took a dump, I had no nappies in the right size and felt like a terrible mum.
I'll tell my friends that I was a dickhead and text my husband a load of abuse because I was having a terrible day and now I feel like a twatbag.
But everytime I do, I'm met with nothing to relate too, it's Asif I am the only one who feels like this. Everyone else seems to cope so well, to not melt down, to enjoy motherhood to its fullest without its ups and downs.

Don't get me wrong, I don't go up to perfect strangers and unload on them, these are people I know, friends. And it's not always bad stuff, I do have positive things to say,, it's just when things aren't going right, and I do let it out, it's like I'm some kind of alien. I feel like a terrible mum sometimes when I realise nobody else has these thoughts, that I'm just alone in it amongst a load of far more capable mother's.

Is it just me, is there something wrong with me?

I'd emphasise with you! I'm much further down the track than you but I still think on occasion about the crappy days and nights and with some friends we talk about them. So much of motherhood is hallmark these days that I think it can be shocking to people when some mums are open about their less than rosey experiences. I hope you find someone on your wavelength.

I get you .

Ah, I wish we could’ve been mates when mine were small, OP.

well i am a dad and over years i have learned there are levels of friendship

most friends just want to you to say you are ok and making do with your lot, it is a polite question said almost as a formality - in the way, "hello," is. But the fact it is said at all shows that they see the relationship at a higher level than acquaintance.

in my limited experience they don't want to hear any struggles or bad news which occupy their thoughts afterwards. talking frankly and directly can un-nerve people, particularly the way some english people are brought up to be indirect.

there is nothing wrong with you it is just that the people you blow off steam too maybe don't have the level of empathy and listening ability that you yearn for. maybe they haven't got to that point in their life where things feel like a struggle sometimes, a lot of people have it better than they reveal.

is this really all there is - routine and work to earn a bit of money before we die and maybe a holiday or two thrown in, you will be pleased to know there are a lot of others who also feel this way and that the world the government have designed for us to live in and not question just isn't right.

some ppl don't ever see the edges of the matrix, sometimes i wonder what things must be like for them, getting home and being happy with meat and 2 veg and an episode of corrie.

most people probably medicate with wine in the evening to cover up all thost feelings of angst.

IME people are horribly bad at talking about their feelings and don'tknow how to be when people are honest with them

There's nothing wrong with you. You just have the wrong friends. You need friends who aren't afraid to say that today their kids have been dickheads. Who won't tidy up for you ever and will visit you with unwashed hair just to make you feel better about the fact you're still in pyjamas.

I didn't have a friend like that until my 3rd child....I understand the feeling you have. Xxx

No, I always feel that way, but after 20 years and 5 children I’ve realised that people don’t like admitting to these feelings. Everyone has days like that, everyone’s lost it, forgotten wet wipes when baby’s had a nappy disaster, shouts sometimes, cries sometimes. Why can’t we accept that motherhood isn’t always perfect and just deal with it, offering support and not judgement?! Raaah!!

I feel exactly the same. @user summed it up pretty well

Have you looked at blogs like Hurrah for Gin and Peter and Jane? They are about older children but are very honest about parenting and keep me sane.

Also Bad Moms and The Letdown (Netflix) tell it like it is.

I do think it's the British thing, OP. It's not the done thing to air one's dirty laundry in public. I'm the same as you, it does get lonely at times. I've given up and now just tell them we're doing great, maybe picking a couple of good things that have happened to add to that. It does make me feel a bit better about myself, which I was surprised by. Maybe that's what everyone else is doing too?

I feel like mums need to be perfect these days and put up a front of how perfect their life is and their marriage and their home is amazing. No one wants to hear if you're not doing well,even if they agree with you they'll never show it because they have to keep this perfect image. I only realised it was bullshit when I became a mum and because of that I've stepped away from some friendships with these perfect mum's because they're clearly not good enough friends if they can't just once say "god yeah I've had a crap day too can you believe little johnny had a massive shit all over his bedroom then I fell down the stairs then I had a row with my husband" their loss OP.

I totally get you.
The English way is to say”Fine” no matter what you are feeling(it’s actually code for Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional). The English may moan for a pass time, but for some reason nobody can say they are anything less than euphoric to be the mother of preschoolers.
I feel like I just about learned how to do it when my youngest went to school....
but really, you are not alone.

I get you op! And I felt like you do as well, but I've recently met another mum who is very similar to me and I'm so happy I found her, she is real, like me, and you. Some people have enough of their own crap going on so they have no time to listen to other people talking about their crappy day. But to me that's what friends are for, the good and the bad.

Where are you? I'm about to have 2 under 2 and I'd like you to be my straight talking friend pretty please.

You sound 100 normal to me. Some people just want the niceties rather than to have a conversation about how things actually are

I feel the same and openly voice how hard I find parenting a toddler, how tired I am some days etc. I’m met with blank stares and people usually ask when I’m having another! It’s just madness that this insta - hallmark perfect view of motherhood exists today.

I get you, and I know what a kick in the danglies it is to be met by those blank stares and awkward silences when you try to tell someone how you're really feeling

OhyesIam is bang on. My bloods nurse told me what 'fine' really meant last year, when she asked how I was and I said 'fine' and then promptly burst into tears....

Actually, everyone on here is right. My toddler days are 2 decades ago but I am with you 100% OP, which is why I worked and my DCs went to nursery. I would have loved someone to have been honest with me and said something like "I'm totally pissed off, blah blah blah. Please stick with honesty!

Oh God, I really relate to you. I remember feeling like this all the time when my kids were small. I lived in an area where all the Mummies looked immaculate all the time, lived perfect lives and drove 4 by 4s. I felt so alone. I think many many people are struggling, but for some reason they feel they have to pretend their lives are perfect. Most people's lives are full of problems of some sort, they just don't let on. I remember I had one very good friend who I spent a lot of time with. She never really talked to me about anything personal, it was all about the kids. I moved away and later found out her marriage had imploded and she was so stressed her hair was falling out. I think you just have to keep trying to find people who actually say what they really feel - they do exist.

I’m the same OP & have struggled with this. I cried at the end of a NCT dinner out once at the prospect of going back to it all at home, and they all looked askance and no one spoke to me after! I get you

I'm the very same with two under 2 and noone seems to vent like me either! If someone asks me how my second maternity leave is going I tell them it's shit (because it is) and they look at me a bit confused as if I should be loving every moment.

I'm hoping to find my spirit animals one day!

People who don't know us well don't want to hear about our problems. It's just the truth. They have enough negative shit in their own life, they don't have room for yours. Sometimes you've just got to keep all the crazy to yourself.

2 under 2...its suprising that your head hasnt actually exploded. My 6 year old and 22mnth old make me want to scream at times. Everyone needs to vent just do it on here if you need to but please dont think you are the weird one bet everyone else is faking it.

There isn't anything wrong with you, and if you want to have a "well this shit thing happened and can I add whisky to my coffee and malteasers for breakfast?" conversation then pm me. I've just been puked on 4 times, have given up getting changed so I smell like puke and have bribed my toddler with YouTube to stay in bed. Oddly enough that isn't on my Facebook profile and it just doesn't go down well in face to face conversation.

@ceebs85 I'm in kent, any good?

I'm a dad of two boys 7&3, who has the full support and backing of a great wife. However, there are times when I'm on my arse, I could of called an airstrike on my boys today! They were playing hide'n'seek in Debenhams, one in the lift the other behind the cashiers counter..