Why does nobody get me?

[Namechangemum100]

Sometimes I feel so alone in my journey as a mum. I have 2 children, a 20 month old and a 6 month old. I love them to pieces, but I don't enjoy being a mum.
I'm not depressed, I just find the monotony overwhelming.
IV always been a very up front and open person, I say how I feel and I don't have much of a filter.
When I'm around other mums, if they ask how I am, I'll tell them the truth. It's not always bad, but sometimes if I have had a rubbish day, week, whatever, I will say it as it is. I'll tell them that I lost my cool, that I cried in Costa, that if they don't nap I feel as though I might explode, that IV spent the morning at a playgroup where one of them took a dump, I had no nappies in the right size and felt like a terrible mum.
I'll tell my friends that I was a dickhead and text my husband a load of abuse because I was having a terrible day and now I feel like a twatbag.
But everytime I do, I'm met with nothing to relate too, it's Asif I am the only one who feels like this. Everyone else seems to cope so well, to not melt down, to enjoy motherhood to its fullest without its ups and downs.

Don't get me wrong, I don't go up to perfect strangers and unload on them, these are people I know, friends. And it's not always bad stuff, I do have positive things to say,, it's just when things aren't going right, and I do let it out, it's like I'm some kind of alien. I feel like a terrible mum sometimes when I realise nobody else has these thoughts, that I'm just alone in it amongst a load of far more capable mother's.

Is it just me, is there something wrong with me?

I feel the same way a lot of the time and I don't have much of a filter. I NEED friends like you because I'm really bad at being someone I'm not, it's nice to be around people who let you just be you.

Your babies are still really young, it does get easier as they grow up and you start to get more freedom. X

You're not a terrible mum, far from it just human, as others have said people just don't open up. People are insecure, afraid of judgement, afraid of saying out loud something which may make them look like a bad parent. I have a 2 year old and 1 year old, we'll soon have 3 under 3 and some days I want to walk out of the house and not come back because I find it so incredibly overwhelming and difficult, especially as we're in the middle of potty training at the moment. Those good days are great and you think god I could have 20 more of these kids and other days I just struggle to leave the house, I don't really have anyone close enough to discuss parenting with beyond school playground level so don't really have any experience/advice with dealing with this.

For anyone feeling the same I've gone ahead and created the whatsapp group 😁 a couple of us in there now 😊 let me know if you'd like to join!

AlphaBrava how great you’ve set up a group on WhatsApp. Even if members aren’t geographically close enough to get together, you can still support and be friends to one another. 33 years too late for me and I’m now a granny, but hope everyone who joins feels amongst kindred spirits

I get you. I've had a truly awful pregnancy where everything that could go wrong has, with the baby and with me, and I feel like I have to pretend I feel fine or I'm some kind of monster. I've got one friend who I can let it out with and her with me, otherwise I get confused silence and Oh but it's such magical time though isn't it? When I'm here with pleurisy, SPD and having been back to hospital again with reduced movements.
You're not alone! I reckon some people think bad luck and bad days are contagious if they get too close or admit it exists.

Ah I totally get you! I’ll have 2 under 2 (same age gap!) in the spring, can I join your friendship group @Namechangemum100 and @Ceebs85 - I’m local!!

Can I join the what's app group! I've had a link from my thread from this morning. I have 2u2 also - a 12m age gap

To add, I feel that I can't complain about my younger one to my friends as they are just struggling with one and I feel like it's my own stupid fault that I got myself into this

otherwise I get confused silence and Oh but it's such magical time though isn't it?

Ha vampire I said to my mum and husband today that my friends say similar to this, and it gets on my ruddy nerves. Sometimes you just want to vent without having to add a caveat of "magical" (or whatever rose tinted term) at the end all the sodding time. "Magic" it ain't.

Your my kind of person! I'm the same. I'm totally honest with the good, the bad and the ugly of being a parent.

Much prefer being around people who are honest. Sadly not everyone is the same

@AlphaBravo can I join too? I'm in Ireland but would love like minded people to give out to

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply! It's so nice to see I'm not alone and there are a pocket of us mums out there who are happy to be totally honest about how crappy things can be.

In the interest of full honestly, the reason it has taken so long to reply is that today has been horrendous, I have spent most of it crying because my toddler has complained constantly since the moment she woke up.

We are visiting a nursery tomorrow, I'm dreading it, I never wanted them to go to nursery but I'm finding life with 2 under 2 ridiculously hard at the moment and think it might be the only way to keep a lid on things.

What actually prompted me to start this thread is that yesterday I had a friend over who has a Ds the same age as my DD. She told me that the previous day she had spent 2 hours trying to get him to nap. I asked her how she coped with that and she said "fine, it doesn't really stress me out" and I just thought "fuck me! I would have been done for the day if my toddler did that"...I kept it to myself as I could tell I was going to be alone.

@Namechangemum100 I've posted my thread from earlier. You have my solidarity here!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/3395181-My-boys-are-screaming-in-their-cots-while-Im-shut-in-the-bathroom-crying

No you are normal, totally normal. As people have said above - many people are probably at their capacity of crazy shit just from their own lives. However I think society maybe has changed too. It is like we have become a nation of Hyacinth Buckets!

Whilst 10 years ago I could chat to my friends (in person!) and make a joke about a (slightly) crappy day and how I made a plonker of myself and everyone would commiserate now it feels like a competitive work type environment where everyone has to put their best face forward all of the time. The facebook feeds are filled with #so blessed, #smile that melts your heart #so proud etc. It can't possibly be that great all the time can it? I am happy for them and I like to see people happy, but occasionally it makes me feel very lonely.

Luckily I still have a hard core of a few (OK it is just 2) great friends. If you want people to open up and be real these days in my experience it will not ever happen in front of a group of people. I don't get out much without the children in tow but I make time to phone or text my hard core regularly in the evening (which is probably easier said than done with a 6 month old, but it will get better). If you are having trouble and need to unload do it on a one to one basis with a very select few. Or post on an anonymous forum where no one needs to worry about keeping up appearances!

I feel like this OP. Sometimes you want to share a story and feel like someone sees the crapness and hilarity of it, laugh to relieve the stress. I feel like I haven't had that in a long time, either get blank stares or sympathy.