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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or did I react correctly ( smacking of bum )

85 replies

Alwaysbekind2014 · 13/10/2018 23:18

We have a local supermarket won’t mention names.
We shop their regularly and the security guard is often a little over friendly, always asks questions etc
Anyway the other day I was walking home with young daughter, and he was at the bus stop he said oh you live he then ( the door next to it ) next time you come in it’s for lunch !
Anyway fast forward to this evening I went over with daughter and the alarms went off ( tag left on toy )
I laughed as it’s always me shoes receipt blah blah as I went to put you back in back he smacked my bum, I alwardlt tried to ignore it and then he said to me you need more children.
Anyway
I got in the lift to leave and then changed my mind and went back upstairs to discuss with manager.
My friend seems to think I have over reacted.

OP posts:
garethsouthgatesmrs · 13/10/2018 23:56

well done for reacting. Serioulsly what a creepy horrible perv, you must report if its just to save some other more vulnerable woman from him. He assaulted you!!

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 13/10/2018 23:57

I would say he was he is in early 40s no older than that

OP posts:
Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 13/10/2018 23:58

Sorry I’m just a little shakey, me and my daughter do there every night. She has to have a wander around before bed ( she has SEN ) I know he saw me stop at my door when he was at the bus stop and I’m just worried his going to be angry

OP posts:
IncomingCannonFire · 13/10/2018 23:59

You did not over react. Under react if anything. Ignore your "friend". What a creep. I would find a different supermarket. Shudder.

HildaZelda · 14/10/2018 00:02

You absolutely did NOT overreact. He completely overstepped the boundaries.bim glad the supermarket manager is taking it seriously.

Rebecca36 · 14/10/2018 00:02

You did the right thing. If he gets away with a slap on the bum who knows what else he'll do. People have to learn to reign in their enthusiasm., it's not on.

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 14/10/2018 00:03

I should note I’m now radomly at home on my own with daughter jumping at every sound outside. He really got under my skin !

OP posts:
PanchoBarnes · 14/10/2018 00:17

I don't think you overreacted. Would have been better had you immediately given him a negative reaction to it, but good that you reported it.
I hope he learns quietly from it, and is apologetic rather than indignant.

I'm a bit concerned that he knows where you live.

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 14/10/2018 00:30

Pancho that is my concern.
The reason I didn’t kick of at him was because my daughter who has SEN.
Was with me she is 4 and wouldn’t cope if he had caused a scene.

OP posts:
kateandme · 14/10/2018 00:42

oh hun sorry your frightened.it must have shaken you.would it be helpful to go back to the store to see the manager.or even phone.then you no where things lie.and you can get answer to what happened to him.where he is etc.how it was taken.what they are doing blah blah.i no thisis easier said than done but try not to let ur head run away with the worry stories of what might happen next because non of it has and fear breads all kinds of shitwiggles of what might happen.deal with it moment by moment doing what you can to be informed and safe.
id like to say there is no way he will come anywhere near you home.what he did was wrong but that he isn't that kind of person.of course I don't no this but I don't want you to start being really scared.
what happened was on him.its not yo uthats done anything wrong neither I nthe incident or in the reporting it.you did a brave and amazing thing to stand up for you.that belittle his power right there.
so don't hide away or make him change you.its him that needs to change.him that needs to worry and think on.not you.
big hugs.things are always owrse in the nightime.so get into bed.and then wake up and go about it as normal.

Featherbag · 14/10/2018 00:58

You've definitely not overreacted, his behaviour was completely inappropriate!

Bahhhhhumbug · 14/10/2018 03:21

I didn't get the bit about the bus stop in the op. You said he said next time you come in it will be for lunch? Was he suggesting he'd be waiting inside making lunch??

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 14/10/2018 03:53

This is why I never talk to anyone. It fucking sucks, but men seem to be unable to understand that friendly conversation does not equal permission to touch my arse.

You did the right thing OP. Show your daughter that this kind of behaviour is NOT ok.

PanchoBarnes · 14/10/2018 04:31

Ahah - yes, then that makes a sticky situation even worse.
Just know you did the right thing - he's been out of line on the job.
He probably thought you enjoyed the (what he will declare as) 'banter' --

I just hope he now knows it's not right, and I really hope he won't become psycho about it.
So frustrating having to deal with jackasses who don't know how to be appropriately civil. Then walking on eggshells, worrying about retaliation.
I understand the upset and shaky feeling (and I'm a hardass bitch) I know things like this can be unnerving.
Sending you an un-MN, Pancho hug. Smile
Keep us updated, please.

penisbeakers · 14/10/2018 04:47

Hoooooly shitballs that is vile. You're not even close to overreacting. He knows as a security guard that he's in a position of power, and asking you invasive questions is out of order.

I would personally not be going back into that supermarket whilst he still works there. So you have two choices really, stop going in and hope to fuck that he doesn't pay you a visit (if he does, call the police IMMEDIATELY) or tell the manager you'd like to take it further because he bloody assaulted you. Either way, there is the risk that he might try and visit you, which is fucking scary. I'd have ripped his hands off, but I'm a stabby bitch like that.

Complete bloody creep. 🤮

flumpybear · 14/10/2018 05:00

No that behaviour is totally out of line and will intensify I'm sure if he is allowed to get away with it
If he comes even near to you at Home call the police

Acornriver · 14/10/2018 05:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Howardgreene · 14/10/2018 05:59

Yup. Definitely uneccaptable behaviour. I’d be very surprised if he kept his job.

Urbanbeetler · 14/10/2018 06:11

I bet the manager has already had an inking if his inappropriate behaviour. You have helped her with evidence. Hopefully he will leave you alone, and if he gets fired, will have no reason to get the bus to your side of town. Dont hesitate to involve the police if he tries to bother you because of this. You’ve done nothing wrong.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 14/10/2018 06:16

You were right to report him. I’d bet you’re not the first.

ParentsOfSummer · 14/10/2018 06:23

That is assault - security guards are very well trained and there is no way he could think its okay.

Go to the police if he bothers you again - they can give him a warning and make charges of intimidating a witness if he continued.

Also get a recording app on your phone in case you bump into him in public.

So sorry to hear this, you've under-reacted... I'd be fuming

VladmirsPoutine · 14/10/2018 07:04

Frankly this is just bizarre. Once you've collected yourself get back in touch with the manager and put in a written statement. If it's your local supermarket I don't see why you should have to put yourself out.

Original poster
Alwaysbekind2014 · 14/10/2018 07:16

BAhhumbug there is a cafe inside the supermarket ( it’s a big chain, well known super market )
Vladimir - yes, I do not blame the supermarket at all ( well as long as they follow through procedure now )

OP posts:
CandleIit · 14/10/2018 07:24

I'm with @Urbanbeetler - she was angry rather than shocked so I'd guess he's on their radar for some other unacceptable behaviour.

ApolloandDaphne · 14/10/2018 07:27

You were right to report this. He should not be touching people like this. He may be doing/have done this to others too. I guess that is maybe why the manager seemed angry.

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