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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hold someone's drunken words against them?

72 replies

Casperandme · 13/10/2018 10:20

AIBU?

I went out with a close friend last night and she got very very drunk. While I stayed out late too, I didn't really drink anything so was pretty much sober. Because of this I was more aware of the things she was talking about, which included some comments that hurt my feelings (ie we got separated from the rest of the group and she complained that she was with me instead of them because they were more fun, bringing up a weird conversation we had months ago, that sort of thing).

Now it's the next day I don't feel very good about it at all and cross with her, but she was so very drunk I doubt she'd even remember. I still hold it against her though.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Burlea · 13/10/2018 10:24

Drunks usually speak the truth as they can't filter their conversation.

Andthentherewere5 · 13/10/2018 10:26

I had a “friend” do a similar thing once. Turned out she had been drinking before I arrived but she didn’t seem drunk. A lot of what she really thought about me came out. We aren’t friends anymore. Took a long time to realise that she actually didn’t like me and having had a drink didn’t turn her into a liar, it had taken her filters off.

Original poster
Casperandme · 13/10/2018 10:27

Hmmm. I'm starting to wonder if there is some sort of underlying tension I didn't know about. We did have an odd conversation/disagreement a little while back, but I thought we'd moved past it. Maybe not.

OP posts:
Babdoc · 13/10/2018 10:28

In vino veritas...!

Original poster
Casperandme · 13/10/2018 10:29

At least I knew she was totally off her rocks. She was from the very beginning of the night almost determined to get as boozed as possible. I also stopped her from acting totally ridiculously and getting hurt but that's a whole other story.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/10/2018 10:30

Yes Burlea is right. Drunken minds certainly do speak the truth.
If you ever want an honest answer ask a child or someone drunk.
I'd be washing my hands of her to be honest. Yes she will probably say.
"Oh I was pissed I didn't mean it. However like I said " A drunken mind speaks the truth.

KC225 · 13/10/2018 10:31

Some people are just bad drunks. Don't let her get away with it though. Confront her, remind her of what she said. At least gets half explanation of where had come from. Also, tell her that in future, you are not prepared to ruin your own evening looking after her. If she wants to drink to abusive oblivion, she needs to find another nurse or take the consequences.

Original poster
Casperandme · 13/10/2018 10:31

In vino veritas

Ah yes.

I have no idea how to bring it up. Maybe I should just not contact her for a while. She seemed fairly determined to pick at fight with me so perhaps she will be relieved by that Sad

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 13/10/2018 10:39

I don't believe drunken minds speak the truth. Alcohol distorts our thinking and makes us say and do all sorts of stupid things. I would try and forget about it. I'd imagine she's feeling horrendous this morning!

UserName31456789 · 13/10/2018 10:39

What did she actually say? While drunk people sometimes say things they really mean things can also get lost in translation. By "more fun" she may have just meant that it would be more fun for her at that moment if you were sober and she was drunk.

Original poster
Casperandme · 13/10/2018 10:43

It's hard to articulate it - I suppose it was more the feeling like she was trying to goad me into a squabble.

OP posts:
Original poster
Casperandme · 13/10/2018 10:44

Are you all honest when you drink - in vino veritas?

I've been thinking about this too. I think for me there is usually a nugget of truth but it's likely to be greatly over-exaggerated.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 13/10/2018 10:48

Honestly, it's shite that drunks speak the truth. I've been drunk and belligerent before and it's nothing to do with the other person, it's just the drink. I've also been horrified the next day for what I've said.

cookiesandchocolate · 13/10/2018 10:48

Well I certainly wouldn't behave the way I have drunk when I'm sober. You can do silly things that you wouldn't ever dream of sober so it's not necessarily the truth being said.
But maybe if she had a niggle then it came out whilst drunk.

If it's bothering you then don't ignore her for a while, just message her and say 'about what you said last night...' and sort it out

Birdsgottafly · 13/10/2018 10:50

""Drunken minds certainly do speak the truth. ""

On Vodka I'll fight anyone. White fizzy wine and I get randy. Likewise it takes me a while to judge drink with meds.

You aren't her first choice of company. You can't get on with everyone. That "shouldn't be held against her", but taken on-board. She probably doesn't see you as a close friend.

You could have it out with her, or just distance yourself.

UserName31456789 · 13/10/2018 10:52

She may have just been feeling drunk and antagonistic and you were there. I don't think people always reveal their true feelings while drunk - things tend to be distorted and exaggerated but I still think people are responsible for their actions while drunk so by all means say "you upset me a little last night"and see how she responds.

Juells · 13/10/2018 10:53

I have no idea how to bring it up.

I wouldn't bother my arse. "What's in sober comes out drunk." You know what she thinks of you now, talking it over will just give her an opportunity to claim she didn't mean it, she was drunk, aren't you silly for taking it to heart.

Planesmistakenforstars · 13/10/2018 10:57

I really don't think drunken minds speak the truth. Some people might, but not everyone's the same. Could she just have meant that it would be more fun to be with with a group that are drinking instead of the sober one? It's still not a nice thing to say, but mightn't mean she outright doesn't like your company.

TheSquashyHatOfMrGnosspelius · 13/10/2018 10:58

Do you think she pre loaded so she could tell you how she felt OP. I think in your shoes that is what I would be assuming. You already had the spidey sense something was up from the outset.
I would no longer be friends with her. I think very black and white about these situations though.

easyandy101 · 13/10/2018 10:58

"In vino Veritas" is very not Veritas, really

Yes, it's "unfiltered" but that's pretending our filters aren't part of what shapes our character

Original poster
Casperandme · 13/10/2018 11:00

I guess it wasn't just that, there were a few other little comments - saying something I said was a really weird thing to say, accusing me of trying to start an uncomfortable conversation, saying hanging out with me "wasn't a good idea". That sort of thing. Nothing outright mean and it all came at the end of the night, it just left a bad taste in my mouth. If I'd gone home and hour earlier I would have left happy.

OP posts:
TomHardysNextWife · 13/10/2018 11:03

I gave up babysitting drunk friends years ago.

You should try it OP, it's very liberating.

Life's far too short to listen to drunken rambling Grin

WeeMadArthur · 13/10/2018 11:05

Well that’s more than just one unpleasant thing slipping out, isn’t it. Sounds like she has an axe to grind about something. If I were you I would wait for her to make contact first, and see if she actually bothers to.

bitmynailbrokemytooth · 13/10/2018 11:08

I agree with TheSquashyHat that your friend pre-loaded for a reason. ( My DC call it " prinking " as in pre-drinking ).

Perhaps you can find a quiet time to bring it up with her when she is sober. I think I would want to know whether she meant what she said. She might be feeling the fear today big time.

Everyoneiswingingit · 13/10/2018 11:13

Yes I agree that words spoken in drunken state are usually the unfiltered truth. My DSIS's partner did this and was very rude to me. I forgave him as he apologised but it's happened several times since. I now am NC with him and consequently DSIS has taken his side because she is in denial and she drinks to excess too.

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