To hold someone's drunken words against them?

[Casperandme]

AIBU?

I went out with a close friend last night and she got very very drunk. While I stayed out late too, I didn't really drink anything so was pretty much sober. Because of this I was more aware of the things she was talking about, which included some comments that hurt my feelings (ie we got separated from the rest of the group and she complained that she was with me instead of them because they were more fun, bringing up a weird conversation we had months ago, that sort of thing).

Now it's the next day I don't feel very good about it at all and cross with her, but she was so very drunk I doubt she'd even remember. I still hold it against her though.

AIBU?

*shouldn’t not should!

'I stopped her from acting totally ridiculously and getting hurt'

Did you cock block her? 😂

It's been scientifically proven that 'drunk people speak the truth is bollocks! That said, if someone is a nasty drunk then that's unpleasant whether they mean it or not and you should call them out, if they become horrible to their friends when they drink then they should drink less.

Whether or not people usually/always speak their true feelings while drunk is one question.

Whether or not your friend was in this instance is a different question. From the fact that it sounds pretty consistent and she kept returning to the same theme and referencing past events, I'd imagine she was. Sorry.

I'd also be a tiny bit suspicious about the fact that she seemed 'determined' to get really drunk. Sometimes people do this in order to have an alibi for saying or doing something which they really want to do, but either don't have the nerve to do sober, or want to be deniable/excusable afterwards.

I wouldn't bother having it out with her sober, though. I would just take it on board and distance yourself from that person in future.

A little while ago a friend's wife who was drunk told me she knows what kind of underwear I wear and that she always looks at other women and imagines what kind of underwear they wear! I think she was embarrassed the next day

Absolutely do NOT agree that drunk people mostly speak the truth! I've said some crazy stuff when drunk which I really didn't mean - I just get really weird! Actually I feel like drunk people very often just talk complete nonsense or have a weird alternate reason for saying what theyre saying (like they've got themselves into an alcohol induced strop or are being alcohol induced drama queens!). I'd be a bit pissed off but not read too much into it!

I wouldn’t hold it against her. It’s a complete myth drunk minds speak the truth (they may, they may not. Like anyone in any state)

I really feel like the whole 'drunk people speak the truth' thing is one of those old wives tales passed on and repeated so often that people start to think it must be true. I also feel like it's mostly believed by people who haven't been big drinkers in their lifetime! I don't drink now but at uni we could drink all night and some of the stuff I said then I still cringe about. I remember being quite rude to people when drunk and grumpy and also a few times I told an admirer that I liked them back (in my drunk mind it was just a nice thing to do... How embarrassing that was, and awkward to deal with the next day!) And this isn't just me either - my friends would have the same complaints about their own behaviour! In fact, now I'm thinking about it, I don't think I ever really heard people upset because they'd accidently told someone the truth when drunk and were embarrassed. It was pretty much always that they'd said something ridiculous, don't know why, and were mortified! There's really no point trying to make a rule to explain the disorganised crazy brain of a stupid drunk person maybe she doesn't like you, but if she was really that drunk chances are she is feeling awful about what she said today as she actually does like you and was just horribly drunk!

The refusal to take responsibility about what ‘drunk them’ says is bullshit and tiresome.

Absolutely. The airy wave of the hand and dismissive "For goodness sake, I was drunk, I didn't mean it" just doesn't cut it AFAIC. The bile is there, and alcohol has lowered the inhibitions enough for it to be expressed.

It might not be about you, you just bore the brunt as you were the one left with her. If she was already in a funny mood, and was then determined to get drunk maybe she would've been narky with whoever was left with her. Not excusing her behaviour but more to help you feel a bit better that it might not have been personal, she was just spoiling for a fight, any fight will do.

Ive talked shite whilst drunk in a really solemn/heartfelt/convincing way. Absolutely set on the deep, truthful meaning of my point.

The next morning remembering and realising it was bullshitty. Drink CAN make you honest. It can also make you form imaginary links and believe stuff is more important than it is.

Someone could give me a tissue cuz ive spilt my drink. Sober its like "oh thanks 😊". Drunk its like "that was so thoughtful and meaningful, clearly we get each other, i wont forget this gesture, you are an incredible soul"

I talk utter bollocks when I’m drunk, which is why I try not to get drunk.

I once picked a fight with a friend over Dr Who and got really personal about it. I couldn’t give a shiny one about Dr Who when I’m sober!

It might not be about you, you just bore the brunt as you were the one left with her. If she was already in a funny mood, and was then determined to get drunk maybe she would've been narky with whoever was left with her. Not excusing her behaviour but more to help you feel a bit better that it might not have been personal, she was just spoiling for a fight, any fight will do.

I think this is a very likely explanation. It's still a crappy way to behave though.

I've often been the sober one among drunk people and while drink can bring out different traits, I've yet to see a drunk person do something entirely out of character from a person I've known well. Not as well thought out, more aggressive or argumentative or goofy or randy enough to lower their usual standards, yes, but an element of the drunken action can be seen in their sober selves.

Alcohol isn't magic, it doesn't make an entirely new person, and I'm another who doesn't get or accept alcohol as an excuse that means I should entirely ignore horrible behaviour. Whether I would find some drunken remarks enough to start cutting back time with them would depend on the wider context, but you certainly wouldn't be unreasonable to want to do so if it bothered you. I've done it a few times though usually with those who get more aggressive.

I have been really rude to friends when drunk and have been mortified the next day. Luckily they haven’t held it against me as I love them and can just turn into a completely different person when I have had way too much to drink. I have also told outrageous lies, become suspicious of people, been aggressive. I don’t remember any of it and it is really weird being told what happened because it does sound like a different person. My friends have even given my alter ego a name, and they say it is like a switch when suddenly I am someone else. I don’t get in that kind of state very often, but it has happened by accident on occasions which I am not proud of. I also come on to men in this state which has been dangerous / embarrassing / weird / career damaging etc. I should probably not drink at all to be honest, but I have had loads of fun on most nights out when I haven’t had that one glass too many. Am only admitting all this because your friend may genuinely not mean anything she said in a very drunken state. I would talk to her about it (because she should know and have the chance to say sorry and reassure you). But if she is like me, she will probably be mortified and apologetic and hopefully better at drinking a little less next time.

Thanks everyone.

sheep she was trying to get a piggyback ride from a random tall drunk guy and it looked like it wouldn’t end well coz he could hardly walk!

The more I think about it the more I actually feel a bit bad for her. I think she’s got a drinking problem and booze is too much of a crutch. I gave up drinking for 5 months after realising I was the same and have been pretty moderate since and she’s always been of the ‘good for you but I could never do that’ camp. She thinks she can’t have fun without drinking.

mumma that posts resonates- thanks for sharing x

My late Nan always said that drink tells the truth.
My childhood memories of my dad is simply a memory of a drunken nasty person who slurred awful things to me when I very very young.
Things like " God you're fucking ugly" or " Why don't you run the bath and Fucking kill yourself" at the time we lived in a remote area in an old dilapidated house. My dad was always drunk and grumpy and would go ballistic if the lights were left on. I was terrified of the dark but more terrified of my drunk dad. To make it more laughable they moved my bedroom into the attic...absolutely terrified me.

Needless to say I don't drink and have NC with parents.

I utterly hate drunken people.

To me it doesn't matter that she was drunk, at the end of the day she was rude, obnoxious, insulting and spoiling for a fight.

I would not be contacting her anytime soon and leave it to her to contact me. And I would tell her exactly why I hadn't contacted and if she couldn't apologise without saying "I'm sorry, but I was drunk" I would be telling her until she could apologise to me for her behaviour without looking to excuse herself then I'd rather she didn't contact me again.

People need to be accountable for their actions and not use excuses as to why they did XYZ. And while everyone is saying "you know X she always like that" doesn't help anyone. It allows bad behaviour to continue and also people who issues to not deal with them.

Thanks everyone! I heard from her - she didn’t apologise to me for anything but mentioned apologising to someone else she was a dick to. She also said being so drunk wasn’t good for her and she’s felt low ever since. I said that she was a bit of a dick to me too but she changed the subject and talked more about his bad she was feeling generally. I’m still not quite sure what to make of it all!

You just don't matter that much to her. So make her unimportant to you.by dumping.

I can talk absolute bollocks when drunk. It’s one of the reasons I don’t get drunk.