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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unfortunately this is a school one

64 replies

Harleyisme · 13/10/2018 09:19

I am looking for some perspective.

Dc is in reception class so hasnt been in school long. Dc also has sen with no diagnosis at the moment. Dc is in nappies ( i dont want a whole thread of if i think school shluld have to deal with it. Dc is in nappies for a reason and trust me i would rather him be using a toilet than having to be still changing nappies).

Dc is struggling at school. Hes fine when there from what school are saying they say his behaviour is fine and hes eating. Dc is a very anxious child and always has been but is very good at keeping it together at school.
I have had parents approachme and tell me that there dcs are telling them my dc cries alot school saying hes not.
My dc will make passing comments like Teacher A says i am a baby. Teacher B gets angry at me weeing in my nappy. Teacher C said its about time mummy told us we you are weeing on the toilet ay home ( hes trying to but isn't manging he has no control). He also has food issues and says Teacher A gets angry at him wasting food. My dc wont talk about anything after hes made these comments as hes worried people with get angry with. He says he just wants to make his teachers happy but finds it too much and that they are just angry at him. Hes slowly become a very emotional little boy whos scared to talk, refusing to eat before school and waking in the night struggling to get back to sleep and sobbing. He says hes useless that people won't play with him because they have realised how useless he is. I spend all my time telling him how great he is and pointing out all the amazing things he does. I have struggled to get a meeting with senco as shes to busy and she got the school receptionist to call is Thursday and tell us that she hasn't had any issues brought up from his teacher that we shouldn't worry as parents as in schools opnion none of this is happening and his needs are being meet. She said the senco would try phone is Monday but she's far tp busy.
Now i dont want to be difficult but my dcs getting this from somewhere and hes feeling like this for a reason. Also his teacher on Thursday and Friday morning has been very passive aggressive with me in the mornings which worries me how she will be with dc.
The thing is that bothers me is because dc is a very well behaved child they think all is fine. They seem to have only have interst in children who are miss behaving and theres a few children in my dcs clasa that they are struggling with behaviour issues. I am worried he's going to get over looked because he's a lovely little boy.
I am wondering whats best foot forward persist on a meeting to sort things out and not give up till someone takes me seriously which really is what i need to do but i am worried about this as i want whats best for my dc but people won't communicate with me as i was in the past told i was negative towards my dc when i would tell nursery how my dc was saying hes struggling and feeling because they didn't see it. All this was documented in an educational phsycologists report and it waa started i should only tell people what he was doing good at and not tell people what he was struggling with.

OP posts:
spanieleyes · 13/10/2018 09:23

As a head teacher and a SENCO, I would say try to find another school. There is no excuse for any of this.

Itchyknees · 13/10/2018 09:26

He’s in the wrong school and I also suspect you’re on a Special Needs journey. Flowers

4point2fleet · 13/10/2018 09:31

As a specialist SEN teacher, I would also say look for a kinder school.

annikin · 13/10/2018 09:33

Wrong school definitely.

BarbarianMum · 13/10/2018 09:37

Take him out. Find a better school (there is no such thing as a perfect school but many are better than this). Id also make it clear to the first school's govenors why you've left.

livingdownsouth · 13/10/2018 09:42

I would also look for a new school. The senco being too busy would worry me. Trust your instincts, what your child is saying is coming from school. That is his (and your) future for the next 7 years. I'm not saying it's the same, but my concerns about DD were dismissed by her (old) school and she was diagnosed as autistic. Children do behave differently in school and at home. Flowers for you

Harleyisme · 13/10/2018 09:45

Thanks everyone. I really wish i could move him but all the schools in the area are full. So we are stuck at this school. Dh wants to home school but if we do that we will struggling get him diagnosed as the panel want school input. Hes suspected aa autistic and is on a waiting list for diagnosis. I feel stuck.

OP posts:
Itchyknees · 13/10/2018 09:51

No the diagnosis is not just based on School and it’s perfectly possible to have a full assessment without School input. I wonder who told you that?

4point2fleet · 13/10/2018 09:51

I would say that a diagnosis, whist important and valuable, is not more of a priority than your DS's mental health.

Could you home school whilst on the waiting list for different school(s)? He may well be back in school by the time you get onto panel.

Itchyknees · 13/10/2018 09:52

Home Ed would be a very very good option and I think you’ll find lots of other families in the same position.

Merryoldgoat · 13/10/2018 09:52

New school 100%

My DS has just been diagnosed but prior to that school were very kind, attentive, always made time and never dismissed our concerns.

The treatment you describe is unacceptable.

I hope your son is ok. We had a brief unsettled period at a nursery that wasn’t right for him and it was hard. The nursery attached to school was much kinder and inclusive.

BarbarianMum · 13/10/2018 09:53

Is he on the waiting list for other scjools? If not, put him on the waiting list for each one you'd be happy with.

Then go and speak to the head and SENCO of your current school and ask them ehy these thjngs are being said to your ds. Is there a different class in the same year he could be transferred into?

Thisreallyisafarce · 13/10/2018 09:56

I really don't mean to sound unsupportive (and I am not) but I am struggling to picture a school where the teacher is changing nappies at the same time as managing a classroom. Is that what is happening here? Seems extreme.

HelenaJustina · 13/10/2018 09:56

You don’t need school input at that age. But you do need a supportive GP, a referral to the Community Paediatric team and a different school...

Harleyisme · 13/10/2018 09:56

Basicly here they send the conners questionnaire to school ans get them to fill it out if the questionnaire doesn't show what home is saying panel don't generally diagnose unless you have other professional support which we do have with SALT she has hinted that she thinks an autism diagnosis is right.

I know diagnosis is not more important than his mental health.

I am scared to take him out of school with fingers already pointing at me.

OP posts:
Itchyknees · 13/10/2018 09:57

Thisisafarce what happens then, to children who have continence issues?

I’m not being facetious, I just wonder what you think happens?

PurpleShepNeedsToGoToBed · 13/10/2018 09:57

Totally possible to get a diagnosis when home ed

mumsastudent · 13/10/2018 09:58

contact NAS and ask for advice

Harleyisme · 13/10/2018 09:58

Theres 2 reception classes with TAs its the TA's that change his nappies. My dc calls them all teachers. I did try get additional support before he started school for nappy changing and other things but we didn't manage it as they wasn't enough evidence they said.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 13/10/2018 09:59

If the yeacher is being expected to change nappies as well as teach the class then she needs to have a word with her boss. Its the school's job to make suitable arrangements, not the OP or her ds.

PurpleFlower1983 · 13/10/2018 09:59

Look for a new school, places do come up, keep checking. He’s not in the right setting.

Thisreallyisafarce · 13/10/2018 09:59

So is the teacher angry with him or the TA? Sorry, it just isn't very clear what is happening.

BarbarianMum · 13/10/2018 10:00

Teacher. Obviously.

Nanny0gg · 13/10/2018 10:00

Is he actually 5 yet? If not he doesn't need to be there.

Has he TA support or is he left to get on with it?

Get referred through your GP. Did he go to nursery? They can provide input to school as to his needs and evidence for your GP.

BouleBaker · 13/10/2018 10:00

Take him out and home Ed while on the waiting list for other schools.

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